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Been dating this guy for 4ish months, head over heels for him. His family is coming to visit and he wants me to meet them. He's a 33 year old with an established career, nice house, car, and his own business while I'm 22, just graduated, broke, and pursuing my graduate degree soon. I literally only have 2k sitting in my bank right now and that's for the upcoming months for food and rent. I have never asked or hinted him for any gifts or anything although he does buy stuff for me, but it has never been a problem in our relationship because I do the same for him. If we go out to a pretty cheap place, he'll let me pay for it, but he'd never let me pick up the tab at an expensive restaurant, which he usually picks. He knows my financial situation and knows I will be a broke graduate student for the years to come until I graduate and start my own career.
I don't care what other people think of us, but I do care about what his family would think and it's freaking me out! The last thing I want to come off as is a gold digger because I am more than capable of taking care of myself. Would his parents think I'm trying to use their son because of how well off he is? His parents are rich folks and I'm scared they'll be judging me from the start, esp. because of the age diff. I've never met any parents before so this feels like twice the pressure! Should I make an excuse and avoid meeting them for now?
If you do not present yourself as a gold digger you will more than likely not be perceived as a gold digger.
Meet the parents if he wants you to, be yourself, don't over think the whole thing and move on with your day to day living.
Come on just forget it will ya, if your prince treat you well and if he knows your situation then why you bother about his parents? even if he has to help you with everything if he do it with his own money then their parents cannot say anything either. Just go eat good stuff fill your tummy, behave nice don't be drunk or be tipsy, say "bye it was being big pleasure to meet you all, it is lovely and hope to see you all soon" That is it girl. All the best dear wishing you a fantastic meeting.
Cut yourself some slack. You're a 22 year-old student. Hardly anyone has their sh*t together right out of college. Even if you're not where you want to be financially right now, there's no reason why you won't be in the future. If a guy didn't like you or want to get serious he wouldn't ask you to meet his parents. I'd go for it.
I don't care what other people think of us, but I do care about what his family would think and it's freaking me out! The last thing I want to come off as is a gold digger because I am more than capable of taking care of myself. Would his parents think I'm trying to use their son because of how well off he is? His parents are rich folks and I'm scared they'll be judging me from the start, esp. because of the age diff. I've never met any parents before so this feels like twice the pressure! Should I make an excuse and avoid meeting them for now?
I think your concern is very understandable. i have been in similar situation many times.
I've dated a guy who was well off I was a poor struggling artist. We didn't really compare family fortune because it was not our concern at the time. But his parents liked me. Maybe because we were so young and they knew it was not going to be a serious relationship. I don't know. He was over 10 years older than me too.
I don't think you should avoid meeting them. His parents have never met you, their impressions of you depend on two things. 1. Your boyfriend's description of you 2. How you behave in front of them.
Both CAN be in your control. One of my exes have said so many nice things about me and his parents already loved me before I even met them. He grew up in a family where everybody believes that men should take care of the women financially, but they are very picky about the way the woman treated their sons. (understandable) I passed the test obviously. So no worries there.
If you really worry about this, talk to your boyfriend. Maybe he can avoid the sensitive subject. After all he is the only one who knows his parents.
In my opinion, if you are really not a gold digger, they would know. People don't get rich for being dumb. My guess is that they know how to judge a person's character. Just be yourself and I am sure you can win them over.
Last edited by lilyflower3191981; 10-12-2014 at 01:52 AM..
Of course you want his parents to like you and you should. They may be a little concerned about your age but you are finishing school and going into grad school so It's not like they'll think you're just a dumb kid.
Just be yourself and don't seem to apologize for your age or finances. They raised him and if he likes you so will they!
Try to start looking forward to meeting them instead of dreading it. Start writing down things that you'd like to know about him that only they can answer. I'm sure you have many, right?
Why in the world would a prospective grad student be perceived as a gold digger? You have your own ambitions, which should be clear. Stop worrying about what he and his family may think - if you're not taking large gifts, then you have nothing to fear - you've only gone out for 4 months which is hardly long term...are you already considering marriage? ...now that might be a danger sign!
Why do you feel guilty? His age? Your age? ...is there something else going on here?
As long as you don't come across as being materialistic they will have no reason to think of you as a gold digger. Most women that get accused of being gold diggers are dating older rich men that have grown kids their age that may be concerned that the gold digger will be costing them their inheritance.
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All the best dear wishing you a fantastic meeting.
