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Old 10-15-2014, 09:49 PM
 
33 posts, read 88,513 times
Reputation: 30

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If bf was here to tell his side of the story, he would say, " it's bull****, it's crap, I don't think about my ex and I am over her."

We even went to counseling , the counselor just brushed me off about the pain that the ex issue cause. She thinks im being jealous. So I want to hear from you all here as I found a lot of you are extremely wise and have good suggestions. All I wanted was for him to acknowledge the fact and work on getting over it and not to live in denial.

When he and I met, he's been divorced for 5 years. he and the ex have a daughter together. He never dated anyone during the 5 years.

Facts:

1. on our first date, he talks about how he and the ex met.

2. on our 5th date, he talks to a bartender about his wedding planner with ex.

3. On a lot of our dates, he talks about her friends, her family, her cute little stories. Mimic her talk, hand gestures in a fond way.

4. was moody and sad one day, when I asked him what's wrong, he told me he's sad because it's his anniversary day with ex.

5, refuse to go places with me where there's sad memory with ex.

6. I went to see his daughter soccer game, the ex was there. the whole game, he was paying close attention to what x was doing and if she's flirting with other males. He had no idea where I was.

7. looking at daughter and say, " isn't she beautiful? She's just a little Jane(ex's name)"

8. When ex came to pick up daughter, he gazed at their backs together and said, look at them so cute together.

9. He put up a picture in his bedroom where I stayed over night with him. It's a family picture with ex in it. I was upset and he said, it's just a family picture.

10. When we had a fight, he told me all he wanted to do was calling the ex and tell her how he feel.

11. there's much more but I'm sure you got the picture.

12. He's dumped by the ex and was put restraining order on by x for 6 years because he keeps going to her to beg her back.

Counselor didn't see any problem since x is not coming back!
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Old 10-15-2014, 09:58 PM
 
295 posts, read 307,254 times
Reputation: 508
His ex put a restraining order against him? The counselor does not see any problem?
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Old 10-15-2014, 10:02 PM
 
33 posts, read 88,513 times
Reputation: 30
he brushed off the restraining order by saying it's just a strategy women use for getting custody of kids.

I didn't mention that to counselor though. Or else she would say, see, she doesn't want him, what are u worried about? She was a bad counselor IMO
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Old 10-15-2014, 10:03 PM
 
Location: Earth
411 posts, read 416,249 times
Reputation: 765
Quote:
Originally Posted by huafeihua View Post
If bf was here to tell his side of the story, he would say, " it's bull****, it's crap, I don't think about my ex and I am over her."

We even went to counseling , the counselor just brushed me off about the pain that the ex issue cause. She thinks im being jealous. So I want to hear from you all here as I found a lot of you are extremely wise and have good suggestions. All I wanted was for him to acknowledge the fact and work on getting over it and not to live in denial.

When he and I met, he's been divorced for 5 years. he and the ex have a daughter together. He never dated anyone during the 5 years.

Facts:

1. on our first date, he talks about how he and the ex met.

2. on our 5th date, he talks to a bartender about his wedding planner with ex.

3. On a lot of our dates, he talks about her friends, her family, her cute little stories. Mimic her talk, hand gestures in a fond way.

4. was moody and sad one day, when I asked him what's wrong, he told me he's sad because it's his anniversary day with ex.

5, refuse to go places with me where there's sad memory with ex.

6. I went to see his daughter soccer game, the ex was there. the whole game, he was paying close attention to what x was doing and if she's flirting with other males. He had no idea where I was.

7. looking at daughter and say, " isn't she beautiful? She's just a little Jane(ex's name)"

8. When ex came to pick up daughter, he gazed at their backs together and said, look at them so cute together.

9. He put up a picture in his bedroom where I stayed over night with him. It's a family picture with ex in it. I was upset and he said, it's just a family picture.

10. When we had a fight, he told me all he wanted to do was calling the ex and tell her how he feel.

11. there's much more but I'm sure you got the picture.

12. He's dumped by the ex and was put restraining order on by x for 6 years because he keeps going to her to beg her back.

Counselor didn't see any problem since x is not coming back!

You know, I strongly believe that a new partner can potentially override any feelings for the "ex" but then you lost me at restraining order.

Do you really wanna buy into this hot mess?

Try putting a few weeks between you and him. Tell him not to contact you for a little while so that you can think it through. Do you really wanna buy into someone elses soap opera?
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Old 10-15-2014, 10:06 PM
 
33 posts, read 88,513 times
Reputation: 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by WildOnions View Post
You know, I strongly believe that a new partner can override any feelings for the "ex" but then you lost me at restraining order.

Do you really wanna buy into this hot mess?

Try putting a few weeks betweeen you and him. Tell him not to contact you for a little while so that you can think it through. Do you really wanna buy into someone else soap opera?
We've been dating 3 years and the ex issue never went away. we tried to break off, he would want to come together, saying how much he misses me. but once we are together, he still treats me second to ex.
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Old 10-15-2014, 10:09 PM
 
295 posts, read 307,254 times
Reputation: 508
How about no contact for 3 weeks to give him some time to think about your relationship? In the long term I would not put up with his behaviour.
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Old 10-15-2014, 10:13 PM
 
33 posts, read 88,513 times
Reputation: 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChickenPox View Post
How about no contact for 3 weeks to give him some time to think about your relationship? In the long term I would not put up with his behaviour.
I just want to know if he still sees her as someone special or have feelings for her. and separating 3 weeks doesn't seem to take away his feelings for ex.
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Old 10-15-2014, 10:16 PM
 
Location: Earth
411 posts, read 416,249 times
Reputation: 765
Quote:
Originally Posted by huafeihua View Post
We've been dating 3 years and the ex issue never went away. we tried to break off, he would want to come together, saying how much he misses me. but once we are together, he still treats me second to ex.
Perhaps you need a little quiet time on your own to take yourself back in time and visualize your life without him.

Would you stand for this treatment with a new partner?
Can you imagine yourself meeting someone new that wants to make you feel like the only one?
Do you want better for yourself?

And ultimately........do you think he's the right one for you?

Perhaps you could suggest that he and his ex have some counselling. Maybe they belong together and it's you that needs to step out of the scene.

He needs to make a choice.
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Old 10-15-2014, 10:17 PM
 
295 posts, read 307,254 times
Reputation: 508
No, but he might get an idea about what your relationship means to him. I think his ex will always play a role in his life, since they both have a child together.
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Old 10-15-2014, 10:21 PM
 
Location: The Netherlands
4,290 posts, read 4,011,598 times
Reputation: 4313
Op darling, wake up at 05 am go for a long walk , take a deep breath, and ask your self do you really want this? If you want so badly this out mind man then take some time if you live together go to your parents , sister ,brother or a friend for some time and think clearly. Because that is not going to change, I think he regretting that he lost his wife. After thinking you still want him then I honestly have to say God Bless you. I think you deserve better than that.
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