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The commitment issue to me is more with a person that was together for 5 years but never tied the knot, or tied the knot and couldn't stay committed (though that is a two way street).
A person with several 2-3 year relationships generally hasn't found the right person yet, but in no way shows any commitment issues.
I wish this was true for women. Women that have been in marriages and are now divorced generally are worse in bed, by a good margin, than never married women. They have the drive (lots of it), but not the skills, and often not the practice.
If you are 40+ and haven't found a person yet that can stand being with you for more than for 2-3 years, there is something wrong. Sorry. That's my opinion.
People that have been divorced make poor long term prospects, according to the statistics, if marriage is your goal.
I don't know.
I think it greatly depends on how long that first marriage lasted, or why it ended in divorce. I don't necessarily view people who end their long-term marriages of, say, 15+ years (for reasons other than infidelity,abuse or substance abuse) as being poor long-term prospects. Not at all. I think I'd be more inclined to view someone over the age of 35 who's never been in a serious, committed, LTR as a FAR more iffy prospect.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve
If you are 40+ and haven't found a person yet that can stand being with you for more than for 2-3 years, there is something wrong. Sorry. That's my opinion.
Who said "stand" being with? That's an awfully low threshold. Dated plenty of people I could "stand" being with. I was even engaged to someone and we were best of friends. We called it off, intelligently. Sorry, "standing" someone isn't enough. Even liking or adoring someone isn't enough.
I've been with someone for 8 years or so, and guess what, she had no interest in marriage. She isn't commitment phobic, just doesn't want to get married. I would have married her. So I have a commitment issue?
You can have your opinion, but it is pretty messed up. That's my opinion. People get married way way too easily if being able to "stand" someone is the big hurdle to cross.
Who said "stand" being with? That's an awfully low threshold. Dated plenty of people I could "stand" being with. I was even engaged to someone and we were best of friends. We called it off, intelligently. Sorry, "standing" someone isn't enough. Even liking or adoring someone isn't enough.
I've been with someone for 8 years or so, and guess what, she had no interest in marriage. She isn't commitment phobic, just doesn't want to get married. I would have married her. So I have a commitment issue?
You can have your opinion, but it is pretty messed up. That's my opinion. People get married way way too easily if being able to "stand" someone is the big hurdle to cross.
The 8 years count in my book as a plus and equally to marriage.
But if somebody has many up to 2-3 year relationships and nothing longer, there is something wrong.
if this happens once, fine.
If there is a pattern of shorter relationships and you are over a certain age = red flag.
Most of my exes never had a gf for long. It showed. ALWAYS. I thought it is good cuz they dont have emotional baggage and they are not "used up" yet. But I forgot that they have no clue how to live with a woman and what their part in a real relationship and how to deal with routine.
All the guys I meet who had longterm relationships (5+ years) are better in bed, know that relationships require work and don't run away the first time an issue arises.
You are the common denominator here. Are you difficult?
Just how many guys with 5+ years in LTRs have you encountered to be able to say that? If they were so much better, then why aren't you married already? These are rhetorical questions...
Because if it's any more than two then hoists and petards.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve
The 8 years count in my book as a plus and equally to marriage.
But if somebody has many up to 2-3 year relationships and nothing longer, there is something wrong.
Can't agree as the vast majority of 5-10 year relationships (marriage or no) I see should have ended after 2-3 years.
Marriage, to me, is a once in a life time prospect. You have ONE chance to get it right. It's not something to do flippantly.
I've dated people that I wanted to marry. They didn't want to marry at all, or not marry me. Do I have a commitment issue because of that? Ridiculous.
I've been on the other side too, and just because I didn't agree to marry someone I could "stand" but wasn't widely in love with and passionate about spending my entire life with, then I have a commitment issue? Also ridiculous.
I just broke it off with a guy who was super clingy and needy. He seemed awesome at first and when he said he is 41 and his longest relationship was 2 years, and he was married for below one year, plus his family is all messed up, all my alarm bells went on. I found out quickly, what was wrong.
I think people need to remember second marriages fail at a much higher rate than first marriages. People that have been divorced make poor long term prospects, according to the statistics, if marriage is your goal.
Preferring a divorced person over a still single person is like preferring Blaine Gabbert (failed terrible QB, started for over 2 years) over Johnny Manziel (hasn't started a game yet, clean slate).
You are the common denominator here. Are you difficult?
Just how many guys with 5+ years in LTRs have you encountered to be able to say that? If they were so much better, then why aren't you married already? These are rhetorical questions...
Because if it's any more than two then hoists and petards.
huh? I know lots of people. I was with a guy for 6 years, 8 years, 7 years (ex husband) and dating since 3 years. I have life experience, OLD insight and met lots of young and old people and heard their stories.
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