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So I've been spending time with a guy where the attraction between us is evident, but finding an emotional connection with him has been extremely difficult.
I'm considering breaking things off completely, simply because of this. The relationship just doesn't seem to be taking on any sort of depth.
Instead of dissecting the dynamic between the two of us, which is hard to do in a forum, I'm just curious if anyone here has been in a situation where they felt that way with a guy (or girl, for that matter), but were pleasantly surprised later on to find that the connection really grew?
Sorry to be so vague. I've just never been in this situation with any other guy. My intuition is kind of telling me we just might be a poor fit, but I'm still very attracted to him and his qualities, and he seems to be really into me as well. I'm just getting bored with there being very little emotional connection - and while I've been fascinated with him and inquire into his life and his feelings on things, he doesn't seem to inquire much into my life or my emotional world at all. I don't like to 'blab' when I'm with guys - I do with my girlfriends, but definitely not with guys - only when they inquire and I know they are interested, then do I open up and share more. But this guy just isn't asking anything at all.
He's not seeing anyone else (nor am I.. but I've also been really busy), and we've only been physical a couple of times. Now we're pretty much exclusively going on dates where it seems like he's wanting to try to take things slow which is great, but... the flirtation has slowed big time. He seems to really like me and keeps asking me out but... just doesn't really pick up on how I'm feeling, ever. Nor is he really initiating much physical contact anymore (the last time we had sex, I think he was a bit embarrassed at how quickly it 'ended', if you get what I'm sayin'... so maybe he's just shy/nervous now going forward?), though it seems like he wants to.
My last serious boyfriend was very emotional and melodramatic, so I guess I'm used to the other extreme, where we talk daily about things like feelings and emotions. Am I just being impatient? Is there a way to help a guy open up without acting like he's doing something wrong? He seems so content...
Yes, I dated a woman like this 2 years ago. Some people just have defensive barriers based on past experiences, it applies to both men and women.
Did you ever find a way to break through her defensive barriers?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Go for the SWAG
The strongest men can let anything and everything out. It freaks a lot of women out how a guy can be so damn tough, yet an open channel to pour out the deepest depths of his heart and soul.
Have you ever watched a MMA fight where a guy just pummeled his opponent and maybe even knocked him out with one punch, yet gets emotional when his kids and wife are there to see him win? What about a NASCAR driver that just got done doing the better part of 200 MPH, then gets out of the car and confesses his deepest thoughts?
Same thing!
Haha. Truth, some guys are like this. But definitely not all...
I think it's very important to figure out whether there is a deeper emotional level to discover. Some men or women are very simple so what you see may be all there is. Is he passionate about anything?
In a safe environment, where acceptance replaces judgement, it's possible, but there are too many other factors involved to define all the necessary and sufficient conditions.
Why don't you give it a few months, if you both like each other? It sounds like you're being far too judgmental at an early stage of the relationship. What's the rush?
My husband is a tough guy who keeps his emotions close, but he has a depth, expressiveness, and romantic streak far greater than mine.
Did you ever find a way to break through her defensive barriers?
It was a trust issue, and yes, I was able to, but it took about 2 months first of hanging out and going on dates, which was fine with me. When she opened up it was like a brand new person.
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