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Her redeeming qualities are: 1. nice and devoted to me when we are together, I can tell she does adore me for now at least and when we are together and there are no distractions, 2. accepting of me and doesn't give me a hard time about small things (it is easy to be accepting of my past though because my past is rather vanilla and I have nothing to hide or be squeamish about really), and 3. the sex is great (which is common with women like this, I hear).
1) "Devoted" is the same as loyal, and your entire post serves as evidence to the contrary. Also, you can't be conditionally devoted, i.e. "as long as we are together and there are no distractions."
2) It's easy to be accepting of others when you have so many faults.
3) Do you REALLY want to be with someone described as "women like this"?
Her redeeming qualities are: 1. nice and devoted to me when we are together, I can tell she does adore me for now at least and when we are together and there are no distractions, 2. accepting of me and doesn't give me a hard time about small things (it is easy to be accepting of my past though because my past is rather vanilla and I have nothing to hide or be squeamish about really), and 3. the sex is great (which is common with women like this, I hear).
Go back and read your OP as if you weren't the one who wrote it. You are basically telling us what an awful girlfriend you have and why. You flat out said you don't trust her. Why would anyone be with someone they don't trust? And why would anyone be with someone that they would write that post about?
And her redeeming qualities are that she's nice to you when she's with you and she's good in the sack? Well, LOTS of women are good in the sack - and they don't have to be crazy to be so. And lots of women are nice. So, like the other poster - I'm guessing that she's super hot?
Go back and read your OP and tell us what you would think if it had been written by someone else.
And let me also say this - I could tell you my husband's faults. He's not perfect. I'm well aware of his faults - so is he. But while I could tell you his faults in a small paragraph - listing his good qualities would take a few hours for me to type out.
Dude, we're all waiting for you to explain what it is you see in this woman, that it's worth putting up with all this shyt. She must be really hot if you're ok with her lying and her ignoring you when other dudes are around, and all that other stuff. Are you really ok with being treated like crap? Because that's the message you're sending to her and to us. Most people vote with their feet when the person they're with treats them bad on a regular basis. Great sex? It's not like she has a corner on the market. You can find that almost anywhere. You're coming across like a thirsty, starving man dragging himself across the desert. Women who treat you right and think you're the greatest, even when there are "distractions", and who are great in bed aren't that hard to find, that you have to put up with crap just to get that. Get some self-respect, and walk out on this scene.
I suppose my only hesitation is not wanting to hurt her and also she honestly doesn't see the issue. So she is confused and we can't even discuss this. She doesn't see this because she is just her and being natural. She seems no harm so long as she is not actually in an affair. And thinks I should be totally calm until I have proof of such a betrayal.
I have never dated a partier or former partier before. Or women that had nearly all male friends and don't like other women much. Or women that have ever cheated. So, I am just a bundle of nerves bc she and I are different species so to speak.
To many in her past, a GF talking to and flirting with other men on a regular basis is something that is expected. Her peer group was composed of a few women and a bunch of dudes that binge drank. Also, I think flirting to them and her only happened after serious body contact was made (hand on knee, hand rubbing neck) and the conversation became very racy. I don't think she finds chatting a man up in an intense way for a long time and with all the cues that she digs him is flirting to her at all. In fact, she told me she would never be jealous of me unless I kissed or rubbed on another woman and that nothing else would bother her in the least.
And she can't see it from the outside. She can't see the look she gets and her laser like focus after a stranger says "hello". But she isn't like this at any other time than when drinking and talking to men that aren't me.
I suppose my only hesitation is not wanting to hurt her and also she honestly doesn't see the issue. So she is confused and we can't even discuss this. She doesn't see this because she is just her and being natural. She seems no harm so long as she is not actually in an affair. And thinks I should be totally calm until I have proof of such a betrayal.
I have never dated a partier or former partier before. Or women that had nearly all male friends and don't like other women much. Or women that have ever cheated. So, I am just a bundle of nerves bc she and I are different species so to speak.
Careful!
If you break up with her, don't frame it this way ^^^^.
This is about you and your inability to trust her. That's it. Like you said, she is who she is, and so are you. YOU are not happy, and that is why you are breaking it off.
I suppose my only hesitation is not wanting to hurt her and also she honestly doesn't see the issue. So she is confused and we can't even discuss this. She doesn't see this because she is just her and being natural. She seems no harm so long as she is not actually in an affair. And thinks I should be totally calm until I have proof of such a betrayal.
I have never dated a partier or former partier before. Or women that had nearly all male friends and don't like other women much. Or women that have ever cheated. So, I am just a bundle of nerves bc she and I are different species so to speak.
To many in her past, a GF talking to and flirting with other men on a regular basis is something that is expected. Her peer group was composed of a few women and a bunch of dudes that binge drank. Also, I think flirting to them and her only happened after serious body contact was made (hand on knee, hand rubbing neck) and the conversation became very racy. I don't think she finds chatting a man up in an intense way for a long time and with all the cues that she digs him is flirting to her at all. In fact, she told me she would never be jealous of me unless I kissed or rubbed on another woman and that nothing else would bother her in the least.
And she can't see it from the outside. She can't see the look she gets and her laser like focus after a stranger says "hello". But she isn't like this at any other time than when drinking and talking to men that aren't me.
Face it:
A) You're not compatible. That's why you're a bundle of nerves.
B) See the writing on the wall (underlined/bolded). Not a good sign.
You're trying to convince yourself that what she's doing is OK, because she's ok with it, and it doesn't involve cheating, so maybe you're the one with the problem. What needs to happen, though, is that you find your type, she finds her type. Nobody is "wrong", you two just aren't a good fit.
The lying would put that person off limits for me, even without the other stuff. Do you really want to get into a LTR with a habitual liar?
Maybe you and her should consider activities that do not revolve around bars and alcohol, she is 31, time to grow up.
Agreed, somewhat.
I consider this to be like test driving a car, sorry for the bad analogy.
I had a friend tell me once that he drives cars on a test drive really easy because he doesn't want to break them because then he can't buy the car.
While I don't think you should take crazy risks with a test drive or newish relationship, I think that putting her in these situations that are bad for her was actually a good thing.
I saw how she acted and that if she was at a girl's night out I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her.
Now, once you buy the car, so to speak (commit), then by all means don't squeal the tires at all or take it off road if it is a sedan.
To be comfortable, I'd have to dissuade someone that likes to drink from ever being out of my sight while she is drinking.
Can't happen.
Also, her best friend is currently with a BF that she cheated on her husband with and also cheats on this BF. My GF refuses to judge that and simply calls her friend adventurous.
I've decided to end things. Thanks everyone for the much needed perspective.
I have talked to others in real life, and they agree. My friends and family can't stand her and she has made no effort to become close to them, except males that I know while having a few beers.
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