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I am 29 and my partner is 26, currently living together without problems. We have been together for just under a year.
We enjoy each others company, have fun and look after each others needs as any normal supporting couple should. The only issue is that for the first time in my life, I wish to be single.
This is the second serious relationship since a messy breakup a couple of years ago where I was pretty heartbroken and she has stuck by me through bouts of serious depression and is very keen on making future commitments with me. She keeps talking about settling down and having a child.
I'm terrible at explaining how I feel most of the time and when I do, I feel guilty and down-right awful doing anything and try make it up. This won't be easy for her and I have become well acquainted with her family so the loss to her will be great.
So far I've tried indicating to her that I do not wish to get married or have children which leads into a very quick ultimatum/breakup situation and afterwards a, lets give it time and see.
She is worried that I am going to leave quickly without giving her any notice, is the best thing to end it now and get it over with?
The best way is not going to be the easiest way and as you have seen, you quickly back out when the pain seems too great.
The best way is to be completely honest with her and tell her your intentions to break up and start finding a place to live.
Personally I'm been in this situation and while this is the best way, it is really hard to deal with hurting another person in this way. Instead, I started looking for a place to live secretly before revealing my intentions to break up because selfishly I figured moving out as soon as the breakup would reduce the guilt I felt. It's not the best way.
Thank you. I feel guilty even just asking advice anonymously online and very sorry for her. I had very good intentions when starting the relationship and she has built her expectations around that. I've just come out of long-term depression taking medication and seeking counselling. She is my only support where I am.
I am 29 and my partner is 26, currently living together without problems. We have been together for just under a year.
We enjoy each others company, have fun and look after each others needs as any normal supporting couple should. The only issue is that for the first time in my life, I wish to be single.
This is the second serious relationship since a messy breakup a couple of years ago where I was pretty heartbroken and she has stuck by me through bouts of serious depression and is very keen on making future commitments with me. She keeps talking about settling down and having a child.
I'm terrible at explaining how I feel most of the time and when I do, I feel guilty and down-right awful doing anything and try make it up. This won't be easy for her and I have become well acquainted with her family so the loss to her will be great.
So far I've tried indicating to her that I do not wish to get married or have children which leads into a very quick ultimatum/breakup situation and afterwards a, lets give it time and see.
She is worried that I am going to leave quickly without giving her any notice, is the best thing to end it now and get it over with?
The first ultimatum I would have already been packed and out of the door.
If you are not happy no matter how wonderful she is you need to move on without hesitation.
If you don't you will in time grow to resent her for "forcing" you to stay, get married and have a child.
Do it now and quit being so mamsy pamsy about it, you cannot expect any feelings to not be hurt because there will be.
Leave, cut off all contact and do not get involved with a rebound romance too soon like you did with this woman.
It would be absolutely unfair to stick with her solely because you need mental health support and because you can't handle feeling like the bad guy. If you aren't interested in being in a relationship, end things now, before another year or more of internal waffling goes by. Wasting somebody's time is not cool. Yeah, she'll be hurt, because you've been leading her on. No way around that. Own it and deal with it.
Also, you've indicated that the relationship started as a rebound from a previous bad breakup. You also indicated that even though you've only been together for a year/less than a year, in that time, you've had multiple episodes of serious depression that your SO has supported you through. I'd spend some time focusing on my mental health issues, if I were you, and less time feeling sorry for anybody.
Absolutely end things now so that both of you can get on with your lives. She wants to get married and have a family, which you do not want, so it is very unfair to her to stay in this relationship. If you are having difficulty telling her, show her this thread.
Don't force anything upon yourself. No matter what, your happiness comes first above all others. I believe if you are not happy within, then it is nearly impossible to make your partner happy.
As cruel as it sounds, you can't hang onto something because you are concerned about someone getting hurt. You don't sound malicious, nor do you sound like you would hurt anyone intentionally. Do what YOU need to do.
You might find its much more complicate with things likely to promote conflict in living together than dating. you know her better than us ;so your guess is better at what it brings.
When I mean she is my only 'support' I meant more on the friend and family side as I'm currently half way around the world from my home. Previous to moving in together I had been living on my own and getting myself through my own issues.
Side-tracking a little the question was on whether we can end it amicably and the general consensus is no so regardless of my own personal situation, I should end it dead and disappear without contact. That just sounds worse imo.
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