My boyfriend doesnt talk about our future

[NewbiePoster]

Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth

He didn't say anything about your change to the job with the weird hours, but behind your back, he told your mom he didn't know what came over you to do that?


Not good, OP. Not a good sign at all. This person doesn't know what loyalty is. And he especially doesn't appreciate or understand the value of direct communication. This doesn't bode well, I have to say. A long-term relationship with this guy isn't in the cards, IMO.

I agree with this. It's a red flag. OP, your bf is a back-stabber. Seriously, his behavior isn't normal. To be all clammed up around you while thinking negatively about your choices, and then voicing his concerns to your mom. Normal people don't do that. Look for someone who's more well-adjusted and communicative. Someone who understands you and the choices you make, and supports you in those choices, assuming they make sense and are done for good reason.

[monumentus]

Originally Posted by lovesMountains

I met my husband on my 18th birthday

HOWEVER, it was years before we were emotionally ready too "share our path in life".

Which is an anecdote of ONE. Hardly a useful basis to extrapolate generalizations from.

Originally Posted by lovesMountains

But thanks again for following all I write so closely. Your attention continues to flatter

Still making that up I see. As I keep saying every time you come out with this nonsense: Work out the % of your posts I actually reply to and see what it tells you. THEN work out the % of my output that are replies to you and see what THAT tells you.

You will find neither statistic supports your paranoia in this regard.

[kat949]

Originally Posted by beegranger1819

So I’m having issues with my boyfriend. We’ve been together about two years. I’m 19 and he is 23. There are so many things I love about him. But ive come to realize there are so many things about him that make it so difficult to progress in our relationship. First he is shy, and doesn’t talk about his feelings much. Which I understand, but when you don’t talk about them at all.. how am I ever supposed to know what you’re feeling? How are we supposed to progress? I have no idea what he wants in our future. I have no idea if he likes the way things are going in our relationship. Like I seriously have no idea. He seems happy I guess? He is a very hard person to read though. The only way we can ever talk about our feelings is if we’ve been drinking. Which is ridiculous. Yes its nice to have deep drunk conversations sometimes but if that’s the only way you can ever talk about anything..its dumb. How do I even bring any of this up to him? Like I don’t know how to randomly bring up what he wants for our future or if he even wants me in his future. Like for instance, I quit my job (It was a restaurant, and he also worked there. Only a few days a week though while I was there full time) Now I only work there on Sundays. I got a job offer working somewhere else for better money. The hours are very different though. I asked his opinion about it though and he like doesn’t even tell me what he thinks about it at all. And now ive decided to quit that job and work for my mom. And I ask him what his opinion is on that and he says he doesn’t know. Then I found out today that he tells my mom that he doesn’t know what I was thinking switching to the job with the odd hours. LIKE HE DOESN’T EVEN GIVE ANY SUPPORT? Its just so frustrating. Im at an age where im trying to figure out what I want to do for the rest of my life and he is no help at all. I want him in my future but wtf am I supposed to do with it if he doesn’t give me an idea of what he wants? So his family owns a bar, and its in his name already and going to be passed down to him. Hes not sure if he wants to keep it though because hes not sure if he likes basically being married to the place. Plus his parents make him work there 6 nights and 4 day/nights a week. Plus he works 3 days a week at the restaurant. Its wearing him out. So we basically only have a night life together. Hes never even really taken me out on a date. I get birthday/Christmas/ and valentines day presents. Hes never surprised me with flowers or taken me out on a romantic date. He barely talks at family events. Like he gets along with my parents but hes so quiet around them. I mean hes not like that when he bartends?! Ugh im just so frustrated and don’t know what to do… And tonight I texted him asking what he was up to, figuring he was working cause he usually does on these nights but nope hes out playing bingo. Which he didn’t even tell me and when I go out without him I always let him know what im doing and which place im going to, who im with. Like he didn’t even tell me. I know hes not a liar or a cheater. I know that for sure. But why doesn’t he have that respect or support? How do I ask about this? Im so confused  I love him so much but this is so frustrating? Can he become better? Is he worth it?

You don't have to put up with that. Life's too short. You want someone who's a partner, someone who will "show up." This person's being inconsistent, distant, elusive. What kind of crap is that?? Do you want to live your life forever with a person who's secretive or is unable to communicate effectively what bothers them or what they want? Those are the types more likely to cheat. You want someone who's going to be real with you, and talk straight with you. Anything less than that is a waste of your time!