Hi All,
(sorry for the long post)
I have a little bit of an odd situation with my girlfriend. We are both in our early 30s. We've been together for 6 months and we have not had sex yet. This is for two reasons 1. She has no libido, (as in she has no fantasies or desire to masturbate) 2. Privacy, her son and her special needs brother (mental retardation) that she takes care of are always around in the small trailer she lives in, her son also has special needs (autism and mental retardation), and her son sleeps in her bed and she can't seem to get him to sleep in his own bed.
For the libido issue she has been to the doctor, they did some bloodwork and found a vitamin b12 deficiency and abnormality with her in genetics in her blood that she has to see a hematologist for. She also has multiple sclerosis, she thinks it's either the MS itself or side effects from the cocktail of meds she is on.
With her son, it seems every time she tries to get him to sleep in his own bed, he either does not sleep or comes back into the room. The father of the child does not have anything to do with the child, and she used to leave her son with her mom overnight until her mom's fiance decided to spank her child
She has trouble trusting a reliable sitter to watch her son to run errands for a few hours, let alone overnight.
The last time I brought up this issue she got mad at me for pushing the issue, she said she is trying her best to figure out the issue, and that it is not me that is the issue, saying she does love me and she is attracted to me. She pointed out that we have not been together long ( 6 months is long for me, more on that later). She also pointed out that I would not be in her son's life as much as I have, would not want to come over to my family's home for holidays, wouldn't brag about me on social media, would not let me kiss her, touch her, and get naked in front of me if she didn't love me or find me attractive. She also pointed out that she doesn't want our relationship to be focused on just sex.
Now some of you might think to yourselves why are putting up with this? You see I have autism spectrum disorder that makes it very difficult to make and maintain friendships, let alone romantic relationships. The fact that I am in a relationship is miracle in it of itself. I have only had one other romantic relationship in my entire 31 years of existence. If I break off this relationship it could be a LOOOONNNGG time before I find something new, my last relationship ended 10 years ago.
Furthermore I do love her with all my heart, but it really sucks having to be celibate while having a girlfriend. I also guess since I haven't gotten laid in 10 years that I just kind of got used to not getting any and just pleasuring myself.
I am not quite sure why I am writing this, I guess I am just trying to reach out to see if anyone has ever dealt with anything similar before.
I really want to be patient and wait for her to get the problems resolved, I am just afraid of being put off indefinitely. On the flip side I have been doing some googling on wait times to have sex in a new relationship, and studies have shown that the longer a couple waits to have sex, the happier their relationship is and the longer it lasts.
So it looks whether or not I stay or go, I am taking a gamble. If I break up with her not only will that break my heart but hers (hers has been broken enough), even though there is a chance I could meet someone "better", that might not actually happen, OTOH, if I stay I might end up in a permanent sexless relationship or I wait patiently, she gets her issues resolved, we have sex and it's amazing because we have built up all the other parts of our relationship such as trust, communication, emotional intimacy, etc.
So what's man to do? I am so torn right now, while I might be able to deal with being in a sexless relationship considering I am used to not getting it anyways and I do love her, it is certainly not ideal or something to aim for..
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