Why I don't do blind dates or allow friends to set me up (dating, boyfriends)
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Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,730,129 times
Reputation: 41381
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Now anyone who has followed me in this forum knows I speak very hard-line against accepting blind dates or having friends set me up. I learned the hard way how epic of a disaster this can be.
Earlier this year, I had an old friend from Louisville contact me and we caught up. She knew I was single from our conversation and I was living up here in DC. She says she had a friend up here who she thinks would gel well with me since we are on similar tracks in life. I was pretty hesitant since I was not really wanting to date at this time in my life. However, going against my better instincts I said why not and let the friend arrange a meetup between her friend and I.
The night of the date arrives. I'm nervous as hell but go to the date at the coffee shop. Then, my blind date arrives. Her looks are not much to write home about but neither are mine so not that big a deal. But something even worse stains the interaction. She has a very annoying voice that is just insufferable to listen to. For 30-45 minutes, I am just sitting there trying to resist my normal a-hole behavior to just act out and leave and trying to feign like I'm interested in having a conversation with her. Even worse, the content of her talking indicates that she is not interesting to me intellectually or otherwise. I admit I'm very shallow and place a premium on physical attractiveness for anyone I date but in addition of her not being physically attractive, she is just not stimulating to me otherwise. Mercifully the date is over and I have no intention of ever seeing or talking to the woman again.
Now this is where the drama starts. The next day I get on FB with the friend that sets me up and she asks how was the date and is there a future with that date. I say "hell naw" and very stupidly I describe and go into detail of why I was not ever gonna see her again. The friend becomes furious and starts calling me names and says I am super shallow. I counter back that I accepted the date and whole lotta time I've gone out with women I ain't click with or have interest in and why the hell this is any different since the only element that was different was this was a hookup. She never responds back to that and unfriends me on FB, honestly doing me a favor. Thankfully that friendship wasn't deep at all so not much a loss. I can only imagine what would happen if a friend I actually care about tried to pull this .
So, the lesson I learned is to never accept blind dates and if friends want to set me up, respectfully but repeatedly decline. It just has the potential for drama which is the last thing I need in my busy life.
Hey, I think most people aren't meant to have blind dates. Your friends and relatives mean well, and want to see you happy, but they don't honestly know your preferences unless you tell them, and even then they will probably get it wrong.
I think you need to be a little more tactful in what you say to people, but I wasn't there.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,730,129 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by Prince_Frog
Hey, I think most people aren't meant to have blind dates. Your friends and relatives mean well, and want to see you happy, but they don't honestly know your preferences unless you tell them, and even then they will probably get it wrong.
I think you need to be a little more tactful in what you say to people, but I wasn't there.
To be honest, I tried at first to not get into the why. She was pressing me for more detail and like an idiot I caved in and told the truth.
To be honest, I tried at first to not get into the why. She was pressing me for more detail and like an idiot I caved in and told the truth.
It's always best to tell the truth, but I've learned that being really blunt about things can be really hurtful. Being blunt is what I like to be too but I had to learn to hold back, and anymore I usually let them know what i'm about to get real, real blunt with someone, just to soften the hit so-to-speak.
I think the real lesson here is to stop being rude and downright nasty to friends who are thinking about you and trying to be kind.
Friends need to mind their own business. Sometimes, they won't stop when you tell them nicely. Then you got to get nasty and that's when they'll back off. Now my friends know me already and they'll never try to set me up because they know I wouldn't l8ke it.
I agree with your analysis about blind dates. I was set up with a woman that turned out to be pretty attractive. However, she was extremely cold. I felt uncomfortable on the first date and it ended awkwardly. I didn't want to contact her again, but was encouraged to do so by my friends so I did. We talked on the phone a few times and I went through a lot of effort to plan the date. She was impressed but was still very stand-offish.
There were some red flags that had me pause for a bit: she drove a Mercedes but was in student loan debt, she actually said that her last boyfriends broke it off with her because they thought she wasn't affectionate enough, she had been on multiple dates but didn't feel it for anyone (including a good-looking surgeon that she didn't like because he "worked too much").
I tried contacting her throughout the week, but I got very little to no response. She finally graced me with a call (or answered when I called, which I wasn't expecting) and I cut it off because I didn't feel like talking to her (told her I was tired). I didn't contact her for almost a week. Then, we saw each other at a party. She was very cold. I jumped a fence to help her get her keys back and barely got a thank you. Then, she threw my arm off of her when I put it around her. Then, I tried to talk to her and she was brushing me off. Finally, I just danced with another girl. I didn't say bye to her at the end of the night and will not be contacting her again.
Our mutual friend called her a "nice person", while, in reality, she's extremely picky, cold, and inconsiderate. She also drinks a lot and is materialistic.
My point is this: If you meet someone through work, you will generally know these things about them and you may be deterred. Meeting someone for a blind date is like online dating: you really don't know what you're getting, despite what your friends may tell you. Their friends don't know the whole truth because they never dated them.
Friends need to mind their own business. Sometimes, they won't stop when you tell them nicely. Then you got to get nasty and that's when they'll back off. Now my friends know me already and they'll never try to set me up because they know I wouldn't l8ke it.
Well I certainly wouldn't set any of you guys up with any women I know that's for sure.
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