Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
So, i've been dating this guy for a while and we met while i was spending some time in his city and have been in love ever since. unfortunately after a while i had to come back to my hometown but i was not ready to leave him so i made up a lie and said i would be away for only two months and then i would be back to settle with him.
The thing is at that time i didn't have the funds to move back to his city and i made him believe i had but the only reason i did that was to not lose him because we're both not very fond of long distance relashionships and to my credit i can say all this time i've working and saving up money to be able to make the move and go live near him.
Anyway what happened is that he found out i've been lying about having an agreed date to go back to his town and he basically shoved me out of his life, told me to give him some time, that he would forgive me but not now.
I tried to reach out to him and he blocked me on social networks and after that he said he blocked me because i was not respecting his request for "leaving him alone" for a while.
I'm very confused because i don't know whether he's going to forgive me or he's just trying to break up with me and doesn't know how to do it (I did tell him to be straightforward and tell me if he wanted to completely forget me and he said no, that he wanted time away from me and eventually he would come to me but i don't believe that).
I just think this whole "need time" thing is not fair and unnecessary and i'm thinking what he wants is to go on and pursue other boys and at the same time have me in stand by for him in case he's not able to find anyone else. Could that be the case?
What do you guys think? What would you do if you were him? Is all of that reaction justified? In all honesty if it was me I'd have already forgiven him
Why do you guys think he's making up excuses to not talk to me and clarify everything? IMO there was no reason for him to block me and that really hurted me. I imagine he's hurt as well but now I'm wondering if all the love he said he felt for me was just a lie because I don't think true love could have vanished so easily... Does forgiving really takes all that time or is love really that weak that he no longer loves me? I really need some outsider insight
Personally I don't think you are ready for this relationship, or any other, if you cannot be honest about why you are not able to move by the date you originally stated. If the relationship is so precarious that one lies out of fear the other will break it off, it's not a relationship worth having.
It doesn't matter whether or not he was justified in his reaction to your lie. (And personally I think he was. Honesty is one of the most important aspects of any relationship.) It was his decision to make. His feelings for you were/are not mutual.
So, i've been dating this guy for a while and we met while i was spending some time in his city and have been in love ever since. unfortunately after a while i had to come back to my hometown but i was not ready to leave him so i made up a lie and said i would be away for only two months and then i would be back to settle with him.
The thing is at that time i didn't have the funds to move back to his city and i made him believe i had but the only reason i did that was to not lose him because we're both not very fond of long distance relashionships and to my credit i can say all this time i've working and saving up money to be able to make the move and go live near him.
Anyway what happened is that he found out i've been lying about having an agreed date to go back to his town and he basically shoved me out of his life, told me to give him some time, that he would forgive me but not now.
I tried to reach out to him and he blocked me on social networks and after that he said he blocked me because i was not respecting his request for "leaving him alone" for a while.
I'm very confused because i don't know whether he's going to forgive me or he's just trying to break up with me and doesn't know how to do it (I did tell him to be straightforward and tell me if he wanted to completely forget me and he said no, that he wanted time away from me and eventually he would come to me but i don't believe that).
I just think this whole "need time" thing is not fair and unnecessary and i'm thinking what he wants is to go on and pursue other boys and at the same time have me in stand by for him in case he's not able to find anyone else. Could that be the case?
What do you guys think? What would you do if you were him? Is all of that reaction justified? In all honesty if it was me I'd have already forgiven him
Why do you guys think he's making up excuses to not talk to me and clarify everything? IMO there was no reason for him to block me and that really hurted me. I imagine he's hurt as well but now I'm wondering if all the love he said he felt for me was just a lie because I don't think true love could have vanished so easily... Does forgiving really takes all that time or is love really that weak that he no longer loves me? I really need some outsider insight
Quote:
Originally Posted by rrah
Personally I don't think you are ready for this relationship, or any other, if you cannot be honest about why you are not able to move by the date you originally stated. If the relationship is so precarious that one lies out of fear the other will break it off, it's not a relationship worth having.
It doesn't matter whether or not he was justified in his reaction to your lie. (And personally I think he was. Honesty is one of the most important aspects of any relationship.) It was his decision to make. His feelings for you were/are not mutual.
Sorry to be so brutal.
I agree. If you cannot be honest about something as simple as this, you are NOT ready to be with someone.
It's not really love, and it's not really a relationship.
You need to respect his request. I suspect there's more to this story anyway.
New joiners to CD, then these long poorly written drawn out scenarios.
It doesn't matter. He's been on other CD forums for a couple of weeks. And it's not unusual for people to search a problem around the holidays and end up here, then freak out and never come back when they read the often direct, sometimes harsh reactions.
The TOS say we aren't supposed to accuse people of trolling anyway. All of us had a first post at one point.
It doesn't matter. He's been on other CD forums for a couple of weeks. And it's not unusual for people to search a problem around the holidays and end up here, then freak out and never come back when they read the often direct, sometimes harsh reactions.
The TOS say we aren't supposed to accuse people of trolling anyway. All of us had a first post at one point.
This is a learning lesson for you. Tell the truth. The truth allows others to have a clear picture of who you are and they can make decisions from there. All of this would have been avoided if you were honest from the start and presented your situation truthfully.
Think about it. How hard would it have been for you to say:
I really don't want to leave you but I need to go back home. I understand you are not into long term relationships and I understand that because I feel the same way too about long distance relationships. I am facing some financial challenges but I will make every attempt to get back to you as soon as I can. Can you be patient with me for the next 3 months because you are really someone special in my life that I don't want to lose. Then be open to dialogue, compromise, and that persons feedback.
Have you ever heard versions of this story:
This truth is like the parable of the man who held a precious and rare bird cupped in the palm of his hands. He knew that if he continued to hold it tight, the bird would eventually suffocate. However, if he opened his hands the bird would fly away and he would lose it forever.
You suffocated your bird (person you love) by cupping him too close suffocating him with your lies to keep him close and you killed the love/trust/life he had with and for you.
Blocking you on social media would be my response too because you have no right to my life, activities, friends when I really would question anything you have ever revealed about yourself. I mean my thoughts would be, who are you? Was the interaction just fun and you are now back with some significant other preventing you from returning to me?
I'm just saying.
I just think this whole "need time" thing is not fair and unnecessary and i'm thinking what he wants is to go on and pursue other boys and at the same time have me in stand by for him in case he's not able to find anyone else. Could that be the case?
What do you guys think? What would you do if you were him? Is all of that reaction justified? In all honesty if it was me I'd have already forgiven him
Why do you guys think he's making up excuses to not talk to me and clarify everything? IMO there was no reason for him to block me and that really hurted me. I imagine he's hurt as well but now I'm wondering if all the love he said he felt for me was just a lie because I don't think true love could have vanished so easily... Does forgiving really takes all that time or is love really that weak that he no longer loves me? I really need some outsider insight
So you lied, and you think his needing time away from you to sort this out in his mind is "unfair." Is lying to your significant other about something major "fair?" Then, you didn't respect his need for space and that forced him to block you on social media to get the space he needed, And to top it off, you're now thinking he was lying about his feelings. You're very lucky this guy hasn't kicked you to the curb completely. Grow the hell up.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
