Men, when it is more than just "purely physical sex" to you? Is this just purely sex to him? (love, therapy)
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Thank you for the encourging words VannilaChocolate
Well I try to be a good GF. Because all he have left now is his mother, so I do want to help him take care of her too.
I told him if we ever move out of the hood, I want to take his mother us. No way, I will leave her here alone, especially when her health is not so good.
I know he poor, and he have a sick mom to take care. And I still choose to be with him, so I have no complain. I'm more than happy to pay for my own things, with my owmn money. I just hope he appreciate what I do for him.
Guys with 'street smart'. The 'street' type of guys doesn't like or respect nice girls, they tends to go for bad girls with lots of sexual experience (which I don't have)
Mod cut.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 12-31-2014 at 10:53 AM..
Reason: Off-topic.
Thank you for the encourging words VannilaChocolate
Well I try to be a good GF. Because all he have left now is his mother, so I do want to help him take care of her too.
I told him if we ever move out of the hood, I want to take his mother us. No way, I will leave her here alone, especially when her health is not so good.
I know he poor, and he have a sick mom to take care. And I still choose to be with him, so I have no complain. I'm more than happy to pay for my own things, with my owmn money.
I just hope he appreciate what I do for him.
Guys with 'street smart'. The 'street' type of guys doesn't like nice girls, they tends to go for bad girls with lots of sexual experience (which I don't have)
Yeah, but lots of guys, even street guys, eventually want a girl who is reliable and would make a good long-term partner. Maybe he's tired of one-night casual affairs. After a while, he may grow out of the hood life too. Or, when he met you, you were different, and he focused on getting to know you, and came to care for you. Eventually people grow out of wanting "bad boys" and "bad girls." Then, they want to have an actual relationship with someone stable, and probably what they perceive to be classier.
So, you shouldn't focus on "Guys like___________" or "These type of guys want____________" Because all men are different. Apparently, your guy wants and appreciates a nice girl, otherwise, he'd have cut you loose long ago. And while you don't have sex experience prior to him, you're getting it with him now. Everyone had to start somewhere.
I think, due to losing your virginity to him, you're hormones are going crazy, and you're getting neurotic, over-thinking and just waiting for him to dump you, and trying to find reasons why he would.
Just relax and enjoy your relationship with him. Because eventually, your lack of trust will get out of control, and you may end up chasing him away. That happens to many. They have a good partner, but because they didn't trust them, they showed it, and did foolish things, which showed a low opinion of their partner, and left them getting dumped. Nobody wants to be in a relationship when their partner doesn't trust them.
There's no telling whether you 2 will always be together. But even if you break-up eventually, it doesn't negate that you 2 did have an actual relationship, with feelings involved. A guy only wanting sex won't put up with you for a year with none of it. A guy who only wanted sex probably wouldn't care if you were even satisfied in bed.
He's your boyfriend. He does have some genuine care for you. Enjoy that and don't always think of "But what if he dumps me." Enjoy the time you have, because if you spend all the time worrying, it's gonna take away from the pleasures of the relationship. His past affairs and sex partners are not you. Apparently, he feels differently for you than he did with them. And you know one-night stands can be mutual. He left right after, but the girls may not have cared. Some women only want sex too, so when he left, they went about their business. Unless your boyfriend told you he lied to them and pretended to want more than sex.
It's like people who worry about death all the time. if you spend all your time worrying about death, and dying and stay afraid of life, how much fun can it really be?
If you just can't shake the feeling, sit him down and have a serious conversation with him about his feelings, and how he sees the relationship. Then you can go from there after hearing his answer.
thank you VanillaChocolate,
whoa I can't never think cleary like you. I guess my female hormones is acting up.
I am still in shock trying to accept the fact that we live in the same hood and we dating.
Who in their right mind would get freaky with someone in their own neighborhood? I guess we both are freaks.
His apartment is just few minutes walk away from my apartment, with such close distant like this, it just very AWKWARD.
I feel like it some kind of taboo, or sin or something. But we just 2 single/unmarried peopele who happen to have feelings for each others. It not like we break any moral.
I just write out these feelings I have on here. He doesn't know all these feelings I have about him.
I did make sure he was committed to me before I gave him sex though. It was him suggest to be exclusive/committed. He did this early into the relationship. I guess because we were friends before, and we live in the same hood, so it easier for him to see all my characters/personity, etc...
I also know his family situation very well, he sure have a rough upbringing. And I know well of his 'street' life, and I know very well that he poor. I accept all that to be with me, maybe it touch him.
But I'm sure there other girls out there who willing to accept him too. But somehow he choose me, so I must have something that he likes.
Don't you find it awkward to be dating someone in your own neighborhood? Picture when broke up, it going to be tough to not run into each others. Again, very awkward.
thank you VanillaChocolate,
whoa I can't never think cleary like you. I guess my female hormones is acting up.
I am still in shock trying to accept the fact that we live in the same hood and we dating.
Who in their right mind would get freaky with someone in their own neighborhood? I guess we both are freaks.
His apartment is just few minutes walk away from my apartment, with such close distant like this, it just very AWKWARD.
I feel like it some kind of taboo, or sin or something. But we just 2 single/unmarried peopele who happen to have feelings for each others. It not like we break any moral.
I just write out these feelings I have on here. He doesn't know all these feelings I have about him.
I did make sure he was committed to me before I gave him sex though. It was him suggest to be exclusive/committed. He did this early into the relationship. I guess because we were friends before, and we live in the same hood, so it easier for him to see all my characters/personity, etc...
I also know his family situation veyr well, he sure have a rough upbringing. And I know well of his 'street' life, and I know very well that he poor. I accept all that to be with me, maybe it touch him.
But I'm sure there other girls out there who willing to accept him too. But somehow he choose me, so I must have something that he likes.
Don't you find it awkward to be dating someone in your own neighborhood? Picture when broke up, it going to be tough to not run into each others. Again, very awkward.
Long as I don't work with them, or are in the same class with them. because otherwise, if a break-up, or rejection happens, I don't have to see them much after the fact. So it was awkward when I was in class with someone.
But, you're already thinking about a break up. Don't worry about it now. Unless it's a bad break-up, like someone cheating, or something serious, then even that doesn't have to be awkward. Lots of people break up but still stay on good terms. Some even stay close friends. And you said you 2 were friends before. That's even better. he was your friend and liked you even before you started dating. So he's liked you as a person for a while now.
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But we live in the same neighborhood VanillaChocolate
His apartment is few mminutes walk away from mine, we are very close in distance. It just very awkward, even more awkward than co-workers or classmates.
And will my BF ever left this "treet life"? It seem like it deep roots in him. I don't think he can ever let it go, the street is who he is.
He absorb all these from his deceased father, who was in and out of jail, never learn better until the day he died.
Picture a child growing up seeing all that, absorb all that from his dad. And when his dad died, he was in his late teens, so he was grown enough to understand everything.
btw, I NEVER once judge his childhood, he can't choose who his dad is, it was not his faults. Those that judge him, they are ignorant and insensitive.
I hope he won't turn out like this father though, or else I probably die from worries attack regarding to his safety. We both are in our late twenties, he is not young anymore, and he still not grow out of it yet.
And I did all the cooking, cleaning, pay half half on dates, etc... did all those throughout our whole year dating, before we even have sex. Maybe he appreciated that I am an 'understanding' gf, so he developed emotional feelings for me?
3) you lost me with the "freaky in the same neighborhood" talk
I agree. OP, you have some very ... strict ideas about sex that are going to be a problem for you.
It's supposed to be about connection and closeness. That is the definition of intimacy. This plus all your worry about his "street life" does not bode well for your relationship.
I don't know whether your anxiety is cultural or just a problem with you. It sounds like you need to mature some more and just stop worrying so much.
YOU have to decide if his hanging out with his friends is OK to you or not. You can't make him stop, though. You can ask him to, but he doesn't have to.
OP: how is he toward you outside of the bedroom? If he's not generally affectionate, attentive, and boyfriend-like, then I can see why you might doubting his motives, but otherwise... could be that you're just not that into him, or your own baggage is getting in the way of the relationship.
Wmsn4Life,
I am not the clingy type of GF, eventhough he the first guy I sleep with, but I still don't feel cligy to him. I give him alot of freedom and space to do his own "street" things, I know men need space.
But the street life is not simply as hanging around wtih those weed/drugs-doing friend of his. He also have friends that in gangs related. His friends are right in this own hood, to across the street to miles mile away.
Maybe I use the word 'the hood" you not understand? But let be frank, we live in the "ghetto", and this "ghetto" have lots of violence, last time there was a shooting going on right in here. Now you see why I worried when I say he put himself in dangerous situation?
He himself say to me in his young days, he run away from POLICE cars. You can picture what things he do with his friends back then.
I never butt in his business who he hangs around with. But if you know the street life, thoes friends of his when they get together all they talks about is: "bi-tches and hoes" [excuse my language],
and they talk about how to make money usually the 'illegal' ways. And they smoke weed and do other kinds of drugs too.
I'm sure any woman have boyfriend or husband like this will get worried too.
For him, who have a deceased father who was in gangs related, it is NOT a good idea for him to be around his type of environment. Him growing up with a dad like that he already absorb all these things since young age. There are chances he will become like his dad.
I'm not complaining, I fully aware about his street life, and I still choose to be with him, what I'm saying it just I 'worried". He might have some growing to do to, like stop putting himself in dangerous situation.
But there are people who surrounded by rough environment but never turn out bad. Example like me. I NEVER smoke anything, let alone weeds. I never drink neither. I do buy friends drink when we go out, but myself NEVER drink.
Ace_TX,
I'm Asian-American, and he knows I am conservative. So early into the relationship he wants sex; I told him I'm not ready yet and he said "whenever you ready. I'm just waiting on you." He didn't force me to have sex, it was consensual.
He didn't wait a full year, we start having sex in the past couple months already. Eventhough it been couple months but I am still not used to it (I don't knowwhy, I'm still trying to figure out myself)
I think it the 'psychological' factors that preventing me to fully give in to him during sex.
And yes, he a guy in my neighborhood. We were friend before, we always run into each others, and we we have mutual friends from the neighborhood too.
And dating your own neighbor is kindda weird to me, just like whey you dating your co-worker. But neighbor is even CLOSER in distance, they right there, you run into them everyday.
There are reasons why I worried and not bond well with him during sex. I think it due to my dysfunctional mother from my childhood.
But then it also about "him" as a person, I just have so much worries about him. I don't know why I'm not enjoying sex as I should be
I don't have healthy relationship wtih this guy.
And thank you for all the serious replies, I'm trying to make my relationship healthy, I just don't know how to fix it.
And Wmsn4Life, maybe if you read my original thread, you can see other posters viewpoints. They also agree with him hang around with his druggie friends is not a good idea.
Few months ago, I did start thread asking for advice on here; about the incident happened between us when I confront him in that druggie apartment friends of his. http://www.city-data.com/forum/relat...r-serious.html
Seem like we been having problem months ago, probably have problems since we first start dating.
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