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No. I'm just saying that these are the kinds of things that happen in these kinds of environments. It is what it is.
Problem is, it doesn't just happen in bars. (Although I think it's unacceptable behavior anywhere.). I've had this kind of thing happen in the grocery store. I've seen it happen in casual restaurants, coffee shops, and even at church.
I'm not afraid to make a scene. Unfortunately, this causes me to get labeled "crazy" or "full of drama", but I also refuse to wear a burka in order to just live my life, but milk, and pick up my dry cleaning.
Problem is, it doesn't just happen in bars. (Although I think it's unacceptable behavior anywhere.). I've had this kind of thing happen in the grocery store. I've seen it happen in casual restaurants, coffee shops, and even at church.
I'm not afraid to make a scene. Unfortunately, this causes me to get labeled "crazy" or "full of drama", but I also refuse to wear a burka in order to just live my life, but milk, and pick up my dry cleaning.
Amazing how for some people, they have to boil it down to the woman's fault for how she chooses to cope with unwelcome advances. How about those types of guys stopping making them in the first place?
The problem I see is too many people are caught up in their own heads with their own wants and desires and don't seem to care about how the other party feels. A large part of the dating process is being able to pick up on non-verbal cues, and that you should care how you're being perceived, not just how you perceive yourself. You might perceive yourself as "all that" but you're being perceived as "jerk" by those women who aren't interested in your persistence.
I don't get it with guys like that, those are the ones you especially have to watch your drink around.
If it looks like you even curved me once, then I lose interest forever. Guys need to move along, acting like a creep isn't suddenly going to turn her on and make her attracted to you.
Thought I'd share part of my New Years Eve experience. I went with a few friends to a low key night club for NYE festivities.
Towards the end of the night, we were sitting in the lounge table chatting. There were four of us spaced out quite a bit on the couches, close enough to converse with each other, but far enough a part to have distinct conversations. My friend was engrossed in conversation with a guy we had met that evening. I was chatting with someone else in our group. There was just about enough space between me and my friend to fit someone else. Maybe more like 90% enough space. It would be a little tight but doable.
I was in the middle of my conversation and a guy walks up, and scoots into the empty space while trying to put his arm around me and touch my leg. I gave him the death stare and he tried to keep talking. I removed his hand, scooted over and continued the conversation with my friend. This guy kept trying to talk to me, asking stupid questions like "why are you ignoring me? Why are you anxious? Can I have your phone number?"
I left the couch went to the bathroom to escape.
My friends rounded up to leave, and we reconvened at coat check. To my surprise that guy was behind us and still trying to talk to me. He continued to follow us as we left the night club, but our new "friend" distracted him, pulled him aside and we walked to the train unaccompanied by the creepy guy. My friend mentioned that after I left, the guy accosted her to get my phone number and information.
I don't know how much more obvious you can be other than leaving the room and ignoring someone, but apparently that wasn't enough for this guy.
I have been "trained" to leave the room rather than confront creepy guys. Other people yell, scream, and hit. I tend to use the non-confrontational approach as I am never quite sure what sort of person I am dealing with. Avoidance feels like the best choice to me.
So when you have got someone who clearly can't take a hint, how do you react?
You're too nice, jade.
You really should just tell these people (politely) that you're not interested.
I'm glad he didn't keep following you, but some day a guy might not give up. Know what I mean?
I used to do exactly what you did. I'm like Liberty. I'm 47 now (and thankfully, married), but that doesn't stop every guy you run into and I cannot keep my husband glued to my side 24 hours a day... so I'm more direct.
I try not to be rude, because there's no need for that unless you hit a guy up with a "look, you seem like a nice guy, but I'm just not interested" and he STILL won't leave you alone. At that point, all bets are off.
Take care, ok?
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Why not just tell him to leave? Just give him a look and say "buzz off" and that's that? Why do women do nothing but play games with everything?
They never say "let's have a relationship," they instead giggle and talk...and talk...AND TALK!
They never say "I'm not interested in you," they just make weird comments.
They never say "I feel like sex, do you?" instead they just make subtle hints that we're suppose to understand.
And if you interrupt the hints wrong? It's sexually harassment, fondling, etc etc etc.
This is why there is so much homophobia against gay men: they don't have to deal with this stuff and us straight guys are envious. They got 99 problems but a you-know-what ain't one, that's for sure.
Anyway, I hope you don't think it's only women who go through this crap. Just the other day I had an older woman approach me asking me if I go there often, if I'm from Seattle etc...I rolled my eyes and said, and I quote: "please discontinue speaking with me. I find you boring and unattractive." And I walked away. Maybe she felt bad but I don't care.
Just say the same thing. Be upfront and firm, but not crazy and screaming.
Or, you can just do what one girl I once knew would do: smile, and in the deepest voice you can pull off say "looking at you makes me wish I didn't forget my hormone pills this morning"
Just start talking about how you were born a man, and the dudes will most likely back off.
That's mean, man.
You would really say that to a woman? You shouldn't say things like that. That's pretty cold hearted.
Females are different then men. You have to treat them differently. They stress about things we think are ridiculous and they see every single perceived flaw that they have, even if in our eyes, it's not a flaw at all.
Besides, you can't predict tomorrow. You don't know what the future holds for you, but I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate it if people treated you like you treated her.
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The question was, how to deal with it effectively when it does arise.
Liquid Courage
