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Since you asked for respect, not criticism (goodness people), here is what I suggest:
Sit the girlfriend down and explain to her that you are in financial difficulty. Explain that without the savings that you USED to have, the whole family would face disaster if something really bad happened.
Based on that, you need to draw up a rental agreement and she needs to start paying rent. She can either get a job, hit up the ex-deadbeat for child support or go on public assistance (they will go after the deadbeat on her behalf, btw).
She can either be insulted and leave in a huff (fine baby, don't let the door hit you on the way out) or take it seriously and start paying.
She sounds like a "path of least resistance" kind of girl. This is why she plays dumb and pretends not to see the issue with her daughter or finances or anything. She is burying her head in the sand. When bill collectors are calling, you pay the one that is the biggest pain. YOU need to become the biggest pain. You need to make it more painful to deal with you than the ex (or the employer or welfare office).
I don't know what to tell ya man. 25k in stocks is not a lot of money. If it was more like 150-200k and you were raking in 80-90k a year, then the decision you made would've probably worked out, although the fact that she isn't working was/is going to sink you eventually in one way or another. You took on 3 additional people to feed and shelter financially (and physically with the bigger place), none of whom contribute to the household income. That's a losing proposition.
I would have a very serious discussion with her, and separately the 12 year old who's decided to bite the hand that feeds her. Both need a wake up call as to their situation. you have made it too comfortable for them.
I don't admire that. It seems like it was a fantasy he wanted to play out.
It IS admirable, given the number of scumbags on here who willingly admit they won't date women with children because they see the kids as rejects or "some other man's baggage."
That's a trashy, caveman mentality, and while the OP may have been naive, he certainly tried to be a stable figure. He just went about it all wrong.
He needs to regroup ASAP. It's gonna be ugly, but it has to happen.
look i suspect that we have not heard the entire story here.
whatever you do. do not marry her.
it is better to have a big fight than plenty of small fights.
tell her the situation needs to change. she needs to get a serious job.
and grow a set of balls and start saying no to things specially the older's girl.
i.e people are not entitled to have a phone.
stop talking to anyone that disrespects you.
if the situation gets worse. just tell her to move out.
it looks like she is not fullfiling your sexual desires anymore either.
I don't know what to tell ya man. 25k in stocks is not a lot of money. If it was more like 150-200k and you were raking in 80-90k a year, then the decision you made would've probably worked out, although the fact that she isn't working was/is going to sink you eventually in one way or another. You took on 3 additional people to feed and shelter financially (and physically with the bigger place), none of whom contribute to the household income. That's a losing proposition.
I would have a very serious discussion with her, and separately the 12 year old who's decided to bite the hand that feeds her. Both need a wake up call as to their situation. you have made it too comfortable for them.
Exactly, to the bolded. It seems like the financial situation, which was extremely modest, got blown all out of proportion in the OP's mind, once the prospect of love and instant family arose.
25K is small change. Just seed money to begin a lifetime of saving, not something to launch a family life with.
The gf is way too cavalier with his money, and won't listen to reason. That's a deal-breaker, if I ever heard one. This cannot, should not, be patched up. It needs to be thrown out, and the OP should lick his wounds afterwards, and and learn from it.
When I first started dating my girlfriend, I was doing well with investments, including owning my own home. I had a good job (which thankfully I still have) and made decent money, but was good at saving. I fell in love with my girlfriend right around the time that my realtor told me to put my condo on the market if I wanted to make some real money from it. So it seemed natural that I buy a new and bigger place for us and her two girls (7 and 10 at the time). When we first moved in together, I had 25k in stocks locked up, I had made over 65k on my condo. A year and a half later, I am living paycheck to paycheck as she struggles to find any type of decent work and I am stuck supporting all 4 of us pretty much on my own. My investments had to be cashed out prematurely since I was stuck with so much of the bills and mortgage, and I sunk all profits into the new place. I feel that she believed that she was perhaps going to be a "stay-at-home-mom since we moved into a really nice family oriented community. We talked before the whole thing happened about the way I was brought up and that I feel both parties in a couple should work. She seemed to agree with it. At the time at least.
Its literally the opposite of what I thought I was getting into. The biggest problem with my situations is that my girlfriend made promises that couldn't be kept and really quite frankly tricked me into settling because she knows how hard it would be to get up and end it all now. I know thinking about it too quickly can really mess up those kids now unfortunately. I feel I've spent so much time with those girls that they wouldn't even know what to do without me. I take them to soccer, pay for their birthday parties, take them to Disneyland, always make their meals, ect. Their dad is a complete and utter dead beat who does his best to stay out of sight out of mind, especially since I came in the picture and he figured he didn't have to do anything anymore. He also doesn't pay child support so that's lovely.
The biggest problem despite all the finically bitterness I now possess, is that her oldest girl (12 now) hates me and disrespects me pretty much every second of everyday. She is not intimidated by me and does not listen to one thing I have to say. I am not asking to be her father or even her disciplinarian, I just wanted to help make her a better person. However, I have been overruled and beaten over the head with that situation for her mom defends her way too much for me to ever really make a dent in what I think is a damaged girl as a result of a mean divorce. So, at this point, I simply interject just to make my own situation as livable as possible. That's all its about now unfortunately. How to keep from going crazy. My relationship with my girlfriend has all but fizzled away as a result of my unhappiness and lack of comfort in being in my own house. Now, I am nothing but a bitter grump whenever her oldest daughter is around. Its a shame, because that's not what I wanted. I really did try. I just don't feel anyone else is trying.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
You have to make a decision about your life and if you want to continue to live this way.
You have no legal responsibility to support anyone but yourself and it sounds like you have allowed your girlfriend to take advantage of your kindness and love for her and her children.
One more thing, YOU made the choice to "settle" so do not blame anyone else on your choice.
OP, I think you need to step back and decide if it is worth it to continue a relationship with your girlfriend. That will decide what your next moves should be.
OP truly sorry for what you are going through. I think you should ask your girl friend to file a case against the child support. If she does not want that then she need to do all the expenses on her own just like I do. I am not ready to let another man to take the responsibility of my own daughter. Yes I can easy say that because I earn enough to maintain everything on my own. the best thing you can do give her the message strongly that you both need a budget and also go to a little place where you can afford. Don't feel bad about settling down with a single mother. I think you both need to communicate correctly and directly. Every one got ups and downs. I truly respect your human kind quality.
When I first started dating my girlfriend, I was doing well with investments, including owning my own home. I had a good job (which thankfully I still have) and made decent money, but was good at saving. I fell in love with my girlfriend right around the time that my realtor told me to put my condo on the market if I wanted to make some real money from it. So it seemed natural that I buy a new and bigger place for us and her two girls (7 and 10 at the time). When we first moved in together, I had 25k in stocks locked up, I had made over 65k on my condo. A year and a half later, I am living paycheck to paycheck as she struggles to find any type of decent work and I am stuck supporting all 4 of us pretty much on my own. My investments had to be cashed out prematurely since I was stuck with so much of the bills and mortgage, and I sunk all profits into the new place. I feel that she believed that she was perhaps going to be a "stay-at-home-mom since we moved into a really nice family oriented community. We talked before the whole thing happened about the way I was brought up and that I feel both parties in a couple should work. She seemed to agree with it. At the time at least.
Its literally the opposite of what I thought I was getting into. The biggest problem with my situations is that my girlfriend made promises that couldn't be kept and really quite frankly tricked me into settling because she knows how hard it would be to get up and end it all now. I know thinking about it too quickly can really mess up those kids now unfortunately. I feel I've spent so much time with those girls that they wouldn't even know what to do without me. I take them to soccer, pay for their birthday parties, take them to Disneyland, always make their meals, ect. Their dad is a complete and utter dead beat who does his best to stay out of sight out of mind, especially since I came in the picture and he figured he didn't have to do anything anymore. He also doesn't pay child support so that's lovely.
The biggest problem despite all the finically bitterness I now possess, is that her oldest girl (12 now) hates me and disrespects me pretty much every second of everyday. She is not intimidated by me and does not listen to one thing I have to say. I am not asking to be her father or even her disciplinarian, I just wanted to help make her a better person. However, I have been overruled and beaten over the head with that situation for her mom defends her way too much for me to ever really make a dent in what I think is a damaged girl as a result of a mean divorce. So, at this point, I simply interject just to make my own situation as livable as possible. That's all its about now unfortunately. How to keep from going crazy. My relationship with my girlfriend has all but fizzled away as a result of my unhappiness and lack of comfort in being in my own house. Now, I am nothing but a bitter grump whenever her oldest daughter is around. Its a shame, because that's not what I wanted. I really did try. I just don't feel anyone else is trying.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Its time to get out. You are not happy and it has cost you tens of thousands. You more then did your share to take on responsibilities that weren't yours. I think you learned a lesson here, don't let single moms move in with you.
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