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When I first started dating my girlfriend, I was doing well with investments, including owning my own home. I had a good job (which thankfully I still have) and made decent money, but was good at saving. I fell in love with my girlfriend right around the time that my realtor told me to put my condo on the market if I wanted to make some real money from it. So it seemed natural that I buy a new and bigger place for us and her two girls (7 and 10 at the time). When we first moved in together, I had 25k in stocks locked up, I had made over 65k on my condo. A year and a half later, I am living paycheck to paycheck as she struggles to find any type of decent work and I am stuck supporting all 4 of us pretty much on my own. My investments had to be cashed out prematurely since I was stuck with so much of the bills and mortgage, and I sunk all profits into the new place. I feel that she believed that she was perhaps going to be a "stay-at-home-mom since we moved into a really nice family oriented community. We talked before the whole thing happened about the way I was brought up and that I feel both parties in a couple should work. She seemed to agree with it. At the time at least.
Its literally the opposite of what I thought I was getting into. The biggest problem with my situations is that my girlfriend made promises that couldn't be kept and really quite frankly tricked me into settling because she knows how hard it would be to get up and end it all now. I know thinking about it too quickly can really mess up those kids now unfortunately. I feel I've spent so much time with those girls that they wouldn't even know what to do without me. I take them to soccer, pay for their birthday parties, take them to Disneyland, always make their meals, ect. Their dad is a complete and utter dead beat who does his best to stay out of sight out of mind, especially since I came in the picture and he figured he didn't have to do anything anymore. He also doesn't pay child support so that's lovely.
The biggest problem despite all the finically bitterness I now possess, is that her oldest girl (12 now) hates me and disrespects me pretty much every second of everyday. She is not intimidated by me and does not listen to one thing I have to say. I am not asking to be her father or even her disciplinarian, I just wanted to help make her a better person. However, I have been overruled and beaten over the head with that situation for her mom defends her way too much for me to ever really make a dent in what I think is a damaged girl as a result of a mean divorce. So, at this point, I simply interject just to make my own situation as livable as possible. That's all its about now unfortunately. How to keep from going crazy. My relationship with my girlfriend has all but fizzled away as a result of my unhappiness and lack of comfort in being in my own house. Now, I am nothing but a bitter grump whenever her oldest daughter is around. Its a shame, because that's not what I wanted. I really did try. I just don't feel anyone else is trying.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Mod comment at 1:52 p.m. (CST) on 01/08/15: This thread has been cleaned up of off-topic remarks and personal attacks. People, remember to stay on topic. Read more than just the opening post before you reply. There's some good discussion here, so don't ruin it with off-topic bickering. Thanks.
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Location: NYC based - Used to Live in Philly - Transplant from Miami
2,307 posts, read 2,768,377 times
Reputation: 2610
I am sorry that you are in this mess.
Based on what I read, it looks like you are a responsible man.
That is honorable.
Have you tried to sit down with your gf and discuss this?
If there is no black on white, technically you are not responsible for them.
I know it will be hard on you too since probably you love them, but at this point of the game your mental health should be number one.
Good luck. I hope we will hear good news from you soon!
It's no cake wake taking care of kids. Even harder if they aren't yours. If I was in your shoe, I move on. The way you are now, you aren't benefiting anyone staying there, with the exception of sharing/paying bills.
I don't understand how you could have spent 90K in 18 months simply accommodating one extra adult and 2 children in a home you own. If they weren't there, surely your mortgage payment would remain the same?
Are you just handing her money when she asks for it?
Why hasn't she taken her ex to court for back child support?
Why are you paying for trips to Disneyland when you are living paycheck to paycheck?
What are you doing to economize on food, utilities and other expenses?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
Reputation: 40635
Evict or move and sell the place. End the relationship. Its is past ultimatum time. I really have no idea what you were thinking other than being madly in love, I get that.
I don't understand how you could have spent 90K in 18 months simply accommodating one extra adult and 2 children in a home you own. If they weren't there, surely your mortgage payment would remain the same?
Why hasn't she taken her ex to court for back child support?
Why are you paying for trips to Disneyland when you are living paycheck to paycheck?
What are you doing to economize on food, utilities and other expenses?
So much of your story makes no sense.
Regarding the underlined, he said he bought a larger place to accommodate the extra people.
As for the OP: Yep. It's time. I know you care (or cared) for your gf and her family, but you have to look out for #1...you. Help them find a new place, but set deadlines. In writing, if feasible. Otherwise, she WILL drag her ass in moving out.
Evict or move and sell the place. End the relationship. Its is past ultimatum time. I really have no idea what you were thinking other than being madly in love, I get that.
People with no experience with kids who jumps into a relationship with a person who have kids. Yeah, they have no clue what they are getting themselves into. It's not as simple as the sitcom tv shows make them out to be. All they think about at the time is....I'm soo in love and never saw the big picture.
Sorry, I didn't write this too specifically. The profit from one place rolled into the next down payment (my choice).
Disneyland a few times was earlier on.
My mortgage is fairly high (much higher than my previous condo, all my choice) so that's where a lot of the cash out went.
I guess it just all added up from all the groceries, to most of the bills, to everything the ex husband isn't paying for, ect.
Trust me, I ask myself everyday why she doesn't take him to court. She says that he has nothing so it wouldn't matter. I know that's B.S. and she's to nervous and passive to make the move.
Sometime one doesn't know where all the funds go, they just go. I was fully capable of handling my OWN finances, but somehow, without help from my girlfriend on budgeting properly for a family, I let it all slip away.
Maybe its my fault. I'm just asking for advice, not moral support.
I don't understand how you could have spent 90K in 18 months simply accommodating one extra adult and 2 children in a home you own. If they weren't there, surely your mortgage payment would remain the same?
Are you just handing her money when she asks for it?
Why hasn't she taken her ex to court for back child support?
Why are you paying for trips to Disneyland when you are living paycheck to paycheck?
What are you doing to economize on food, utilities and other expenses?
So much of your story makes no sense.
Sorry, I didn't write this too specifically. The profit from one place rolled into the next down payment (my choice).
Disneyland a few times was earlier on.
My mortgage is fairly high (much higher than my previous condo, all my choice) so that's where a lot of the cash out went.
I guess it just all added up from all the groceries, to most of the bills, to everything the ex husband isn't paying for, ect.
Trust me, I ask myself everyday why she doesn't take him to court. She says that he has nothing so it wouldn't matter. I know that's B.S. and she's to nervous and passive to make the move.
Sometime one doesn't know where all the funds go, they just go. I was fully capable of handling my OWN finances, but somehow, without help from my girlfriend on budgeting properly for a family, I let it all slip away.
Maybe its my fault. I'm just asking for advice, not moral support.
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