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hello I need a bit of advice. I am newly engaged to a man who is a professor and assistant coach at an Ivy League University where we live.My fiance makes it a point to always remind me that he has a status to up hold for his job and his fellow colleagues.He also makes it a point to brag to me about the schools they attended in all of their degrees. Needless to say he and his colleagues are well to do. I on the other hand grew up in an upper middle class environment, and did not attend college. He will not take me to any of the University's social functions or to any of the sports events he coaches. He went as far as getting me a job at the University but my hours and his are such that we will never be at work at the same time.I don't understand I never pursued him he pursued me he asked me to move in with him and he asked me to marry him. What's wrong with this picture? I mean seriously am I missing something here?
hello I need a bit of advice. I am newly engaged to a man who is a professor and assistant coach at an Ivy League University where we live.My fiance makes it a point to always remind me that he has a status to up hold for his job and his fellow colleagues.He also makes it a point to brag to me about the schools they attended in all of their degrees. Needless to say he and his colleagues are well to do. I on the other hand grew up in an upper middle class environment, and did not attend college. He will not take me to any of the University's social functions or to any of the sports events he coaches. He went as far as getting me a job at the University but my hours and his are such that we will never be at work at the same time.I don't understand I never pursued him he pursued me he asked me to move in with him and he asked me to marry him. What's wrong with this picture? I mean seriously am I missing something here?
Tell him that if he doesn't introduce you to his colleagues as his fiance, then the wedding is off.
It's pretty straightforward, really.
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As someone who grew up upper middle class, you were probably taught that talking about status is a no no.....This will make his "point to brag" very unappealing. You were probably taught that when a person needs to mention their status to those around them, that status isn't much to note. But you are polite and won't ever call anyone out on such a social demerit. IMO, he has insecurity issues to the point that it's effecting the way he treats you. He needs to get some help from his professor buddies, to help him overcome his weakness. I wouldn't get married until he gets help.....
It's very strange that a professor would also be an assistant coach on the college level, especially in the Ivy league whose athletic programs are usually nationally ranked. Why, it's almost unbelievable.....
Unfortunately, you're engaged to a jerk. And btw, if you have the option, I'd choose to go to college and get a degree now, if I were you. Heck, get two! Get an MA, if you find a field that really speaks to you.
Not all academics are like your fiance. A few desperate souls cling to the status thing, which is mostly all in their minds. A lot of others are great people who don't care about status. I'm sorry this happened to you. Keep the job (if he doesn't sabotage it), but lose the fiance. You deserve so much better! And with a university job, you can take classes in your spare time. Get yourself an education, so you won't be dependent on false Princes Charming coming along to pay your bills.
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