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I have to laugh when everyone suggests that single moms should date single dads. Where exactly do the single dads hang out?
I consider myself a fairly active and involved mom. I have my kids 100% of the time so we do lots of kid activities. Bouncy places, two week cruises, rec./sports, even game and activity nights at local fast food restaurants regularly. This week we are staying at an indoor water park type hotel/lodge.
I have encountered lots of married dads staring at me, but not one single dad. And yes when I catch them looking, I glance at their hand. A sea of wedding bands. Surely single dads do fun stuff with their kids correct? Why do I never encounter single dads in my travels?
Men don't usually get the kids, so they probably aren't doing kid things.
Actually in most states (35 to be exact--although I think it should be all 50), men and women get equal access to the kids (joint physical custody) UNLESS the couple determines otherwise or one of the parents is convicted of domestic violence. Child Custody: Summaries of State Laws - FindLaw
In my case, my ex only wanted our daughter 20% of the time. So that is what we agreed to. I noticed this trend with most fathers in my divorce support group too. From what they say, I think, more often than not, the mother is usually the primary care giver of children during marriage and when divorce happens, most couples keep it that way. The fathers tend to let the mothers take care of the kids when they are very young and usually, as the kids become teens, the fathers take their children more often/assume more responsibility. When you think of it, that's the way it tends to work with married couples as well. Most of the other parents I do things with with my child (younger child) are married mothers. I rarely see the fathers doing things. But when I've dated men with teen-aged kids, they seemed to do a lot more with their children.
Anyway, to answer the OP's question, in my observation of single parents; in the cases of divorce, like I said, dad's don't have the younger kids as much. You tend to have to look towards older fathers with older kids to see more single dad's doing things. Also, you have to keep in mind when parents aren't married, a single father can just bail and take off much more easily than a mother. So in those cases, the mother is the only parent doing care taking. These two things combined means you see less single fathers with young kids.
Actually in most states (35 to be exact--although I think it should be all 50), men and women get equal access to the kids (joint physical custody) UNLESS the couple determines otherwise or one of the parents is convicted of domestic violence. Child Custody: Summaries of State Laws - FindLaw
In my case, my ex only wanted our daughter 20% of the time. So that is what we agreed to. I noticed this trend with most fathers in my divorce support group too. From what they say, I think, more often than not, the mother is usually the primary care giver of children during marriage and when divorce happens, most couples keep it that way. The fathers tend to let the mothers take care of the kids when they are very young and usually, as the kids become teens, the fathers take their children more often/assume more responsibility. When you think of it, that's the way it tends to work with married couples as well. Most of the other parents I do things with with my child (younger child) are married mothers. I rarely see the fathers doing things. But when I've dated men with teen-aged kids, they seemed to do a lot more with their children.
Anyway, to answer the OP's question, in my observation of single parents; in the cases of divorce, like I said, dad's don't have the younger kids as much. You tend to have to look towards older fathers with older kids to see more single dad's doing things. Also, you have to keep in mind when parents aren't married, a single father can just bail and take off much more easily than a mother. So in those cases, the mother is the only parent doing care taking. These two things combined means you see less single fathers with young kids.
I didn't say men can't get the kids, I said they don't. The reason can vary from no lawyer money to no desire to hectic work schedule to opposition from spouse to judge's ruling to not knowing where the kids are, etc.
Further, according to your link, only NH, AL, IA and FL automatically consider joint custody and only FL and AL consider joint custody a right. Every other state goes by best interest of the child unless both parents consent to joint custody and even then the court has discretion.
I didn't say men can't get the kids, I said they don't. The reason can vary from no lawyer money to no desire to hectic work schedule to opposition from spouse to judge's ruling to not knowing where the kids are, etc.
Further, according to your link, only NH, AL, IA and FL automatically consider joint custody and only FL and AL consider joint custody a right. Every other state goes by best interest of the child unless both parents consent to joint custody and even then the court has discretion.
I guess we agree then. I thought you were implying that they don't "get" as opposed to don't "choose." Chalk it up to an internet misunderstanding. It's both really. Some states are still in the dark ages when it comes to parental rights. My observation (for the group I used to attend in my state with joint custody laws) is they don't get the kids as often by agreement... at least, that's what the dad's in my divorce support group said.
As for the link, not all the states have their laws listed there. My state is just blank, but we are joint physical custody too. I got the 35 states number from the Alliance of Non-Custodial Parents Rights website (Joint Custody Laws In The UNITED STATES). Thier site says
Quote:
Thirty-five states plus the District of Columbia have statutes that explicitly authorize joint custody as a presumption or strong preference. The following are some of the best relevant statutes from States which provide a presumption. Click on the links to take you to the relevant statute text.
I just thought the Find Law site was a little more easy to read and it had more actual listings.
Where are they? online. I have the opposite problem, I didn't want to date a single dad but online I seemed to attract single dads. I ended up getting blocked on a few sites and deleted my profiles on the others.
Jillabean, that sounds so sad. I don't get why both parents don't take responsibility but it's partly why I never had kids. To be honest the idea of being the primary caregiver always scared me if it happened, plus if truth be told I don't like babies. I love kids but babies to me are boring and messy.
Single dads probably aren't rolling in cash like you seem to be. Maybe they're at home.
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