Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It is unfortunate, however a part of life. People cheat, lie and deceive. That's their bad and try to move on. Wasting more time trying to figure out someone else's character defects will not change what happened. Just try to let it go and I would suggest waiting awhile before you get into another relationship just to try and get over him. Know that you are a special person who deserves someone who will know how to treat you with love and respect and not have the need to mess around on you just to inflate his own ego. He has to look in the mirror and live with himself.
Guys and girls lose their minds and do this kind of thing. When someone leaves a good relationship for no apparent reason, I always figure as others have mentioned already, it is for someone who is more attractive/takes better care of themselves, more/better sex, or they have been convinced by the other person they would be happier/better off with them.
My wife left our relationship years ago where everything we owned was paid for, her kids were happy, and we were happy, for a guy who had no job for the last 14 years and looked like Colonel Sanders from KFC. He still does not work, they lost the house, her new car was repossessed and the oldest daughter had to leave college because the ex wife couldn't pay tuition. BUT...she tells all of her girlfriends she is happier than ever. Go figure. It's not just you, it happens frequently.
It will take you some time to get over it and you WILL be fine. The best advice I can give you is don't try to figure out why he did it because it will drive you crazy. He did you a favor by not leading you on for years.
Location: Subconscious Syncope, USA (Northeastern US)
2,365 posts, read 2,159,036 times
Reputation: 3814
All I know is you two are going to be a part of each other's lives until the daughter reaches 18, and possibly longer depending on how envolved he wants to be with her life.
For the sake of your daughter, you need to get over it, and focus on her. Since you both chose to make a baby together, for whatever reason, you are tied together forever.
Since you didnt work, how well did you take care of him? Cook and clean for him? Service him emmotionally and sexually etc? If you werent neglecting him, how did a woman in Alabama manage to drag him away from you? Availability is the number 1 reason for cheating. Did you in some way make yourself 'unavailable' or less available than that woman in Alabama?
Does he find you attractive now, or is the 'baby weight' a put off to him.
IF you really want to know, calmly and honestly ask him, what is it about me? What could I have done different to prevent this from having happened?
Who knows, maybe its just a matter of having it too easy in life. Too easy to walk away from his deliberately pre-meditated responsibility. *shrugs*
Heck! It could be something as simple as not being ready for all the responsibility of being a husband and father - and absolutely nothing to with you or your physical appeal post-baby. If you noticed, he reverted back to high school - a place with little to no personal responsibility from you and pushing it to the limits beforehand by 'planning' a baby. For whatever reason, its not unreasonable to assume he is emmotionally regressing.
If you can handle it, and his mother is cool with you remaining there with her grandchild, then stay where you are. Make yourself scarce when he comes around. Yourself - not the baby. Dont allow any drama when he is around the baby. The baby doesnt deserve that from either one of you.
Recognise that the only real 'innocent' here is the baby, and it is your job as a mother to nurture and protect that baby. The baby has a god-given right to know and love his father, as well as you, no matter how your love interests end up working out. Its not like either one of you can ever really simply walk away. Its just a matter of how far either one of you want to go to make all your lives completely miserable.
What happens if he changes his mind again and wants you back? That's up to you. Sure, you dont want him back simply because he hurt you emmotionally. IF you take him back, you will have issues with trust for a while, and he has to be prepared to deal with that. This doesnt mean he cant mature-up at his own pace and realize his mistakes here. It doesnt mean he can never regain your trust.
You have to sacrifice and work at maintaining any meaningful relationships.
Guys and girls lose their minds and do this kind of thing. When someone leaves a good relationship for no apparent reason, I always figure as others have mentioned already, it is for someone who is more attractive/takes better care of themselves, more/better sex, or they have been convinced by the other person they would be happier/better off with them.
My wife left our relationship years ago where everything we owned was paid for, her kids were happy, and we were happy, for a guy who had no job for the last 14 years and looked like Colonel Sanders from KFC. He still does not work, they lost the house, her new car was repossessed and the oldest daughter had to leave college because the ex wife couldn't pay tuition. BUT...she tells all of her girlfriends she is happier than ever. Go figure. It's not just you, it happens frequently.
It will take you some time to get over it and you WILL be fine. The best advice I can give you is don't try to figure out why he did it because it will drive you crazy. He did you a favor by not leading you on for years.
1. Apparently she wasn't as happy as you thought.
2. Most women are not attracted by financial reasons anymore. Your case demonstrates that. There was something about Col. Sanders... and it wasn't his money or his looks (ok maybe his looks LOL). In other words it's his personality. Either your personality stopped turning her on anymore or Col. Sanders just turned her on more than you. People will almost always gravitate towards a "better" option. The ease of divorces only makes this easier. Think of it as refinancing your mortgage at a lower rate. She refinanced you.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
