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One month is a little too soon to have a "talk" about taking it to the next level, unless you mean having sex. IME, a relationship naturally evolves into a more serious status, and is said without words when it becomes exclusive. You know, spend a lot of exclusive time together, stop seeing other people.....I don't really recall ever having a "are we exclusive" conversation. All my serious relationships evolved very naturally, actions speak louder than words, and it's pretty easy to realize that your relationship is getting serious...at least it has always been for me. IMO, if you have to ask, it probably isn't time yet.
I dated a guy for 1 month, I liked this guy a lot and I thought he liked me a lot as well. Things were going greatly but when I asked him if we could move it to the next level, and officially become a couple, labeling us as Boyfriend/Girlfriend, and making it official online as well, he disliked this.
He said "Hmmm... Do we need labels... I mean it is sort of unnecessary."
So it made me think, have any of you dealt with any guys or girls who have given this response or a similar one to wanting you to become official and have a "label"? What are your thoughts on it?
I think it's sweet when someone asks you out and clarifies your status or at least mentions it however which way they prefer.
I get that labels can sour a dating experience in that people start to act unnatural and demand expectations.
However... in your case, red flag.
Quote:
Originally Posted by disneygogetter
How long did you date the person before you two became a couple? I've had it happen at different times. Once it happened a week after I broke up, another time we became a couple before our first date, other times we became a couple after 1 month or a few months time.
Now I don't know when it should happen, I guess when both partys feel comfortable enough?
Depends on each couple. Some know very early on, and they become a couple pretty fast. Some start out as friends. Usually, if you have to ask you're both not on the same page. If all is smooth sailing, you both see each other on a very consistent basis, and one person will verbalize it just to make sure you are both exclusive.
This guy is hiding something
Have met his friends or family?
Hiding something because he doesn't want a label tacked on his shirt?
Seriously, is it really necessary to be "labeled", why not just enjoy your time together, get to know each other more and see where things go naturally without having the 5 seconds of facebook fame?
How long did you date the person before you two became a couple? I've had it happen at different times. Once it happened a week after I broke up, another time we became a couple before our first date, other times we became a couple after 1 month or a few months time.
Now I don't know when it should happen, I guess when both partys feel comfortable enough?
Do you understand there is no set in stone time frame when this happens?
If you continue to try and label every danged part of your life and every detail in it you are going to end up with so many labels you won't be able to see through them.
You present yourself as very needy because of this "I need to have a label posted online" issue.
Lighten up, let things flow naturally, don't be clingy, needy or aloof, find the balance in your alone, all by yourself life and the rest of your life that involves other humans will fall into place smoother.
Looking at your name and reading your comments I'm beginning to think you're like 17 years old. How old are you? These don't sound like "adult" questions. If these relationships involve sex then maybe the trick is to wait until they are ALREADY your "boyfriend" before you offer emotional and physical involvement (Gotta say it..."boyfriend" isn't enough of a commitment for you to be risking your life over). Dang! Is this the state of women now? Sleep with a guy then see if he cares, that's very disturbing! I hope for the sake of your emotional development these relationships that give you no idea if they care or not about you are non-consummated. I do wish you the best though! but whatever doesn't matter to you definitely won't matter to him. Giving treasure away to good people is great fun until you realize why the people were good and you have no more treasure to give.
Asking for the status of your relationship is not being clingy, needy, etc. Some people need to chill out. I would want some clarity, too. Are we FWB? In a relationship? Friends? Ambiguity is not good. I need to know what's going on. We can enjoy all the time in the world, but we need to be on the same page.
You asked him if you wanted to take it to the next level; he doesn't want to. It's up to you where you wanna go from here. You can either stick it out and see if getting to know each other a bit more is helpful -- perhaps make him more receptive to the idea of "labeling" -- or you can walk away and move onto the next one.
I will say, a month is a little early to be moving in that direction. The whole online thing is a little silly to me. I was in a relationship for nearly 2 years, we're both fairly young, and that was never an issue. I mean, I think people who rely on that type of stuff are a bit goofy. However, there is nothing wrong with wanting to get some answers on where you guys are. Whether it's two weeks, two months or two years. Again -- it's more important to know where you stand versus relying on assumptions and false hopes.
Do you understand there is no set in stone time frame when this happens?
If you continue to try and label every danged part of your life and every detail in it you are going to end up with so many labels you won't be able to see through them.
You present yourself as very needy because of this "I need to have a label posted online" issue.
Lighten up, let things flow naturally, don't be clingy, needy or aloof, find the balance in your alone, all by yourself life and the rest of your life that involves other humans will fall into place smoother.
Asking for the status of your relationship is not being clingy, needy, etc. Some people need to chill out. I would want some clarity, too. Are we FWB? In a relationship? Friends? Ambiguity is not good. I need to know what's going on. We can enjoy all the time in the world, but we need to be on the same page.
You asked him if you wanted to take it to the next level; he doesn't want to. It's up to you where you wanna go from here. You can either stick it out and see if getting to know each other a bit more is helpful -- perhaps make him more receptive to the idea of "labeling" -- or you can walk away and move onto the next one.
I will say, a month is a little early to be moving in that direction. The whole online thing is a little silly to me. I was in a relationship for nearly 2 years, we're both fairly young, and that was never an issue. I mean, I think people who rely on that type of stuff are a bit goofy. However, there is nothing wrong with wanting to get some answers on where you guys are. Whether it's two weeks, two months or two years. Again -- it's more important to know where you stand versus relying on assumptions and false hopes.
Not knowing is when things get messy.
Actually it is and there are numerous people who will verify that they have run as fast as they can from someone who had this "need" instead of letting things see where they go.
Some people have been there, done that, got the tear stained tshirt for it and learned their lesson many years ago.
No, you "want" to know what is going on because you think you "need" a label. Want and need are two completely different things and it is best to learn the difference early on in life.
*once again I will stress there is "no friends with benefits", it does not exist, it is a fairytale fantasy movie*
One day I hope you young ones understand this completely, it will save you all a bunch of hurt feelings and heartache.
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