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I always see people asking if ugly people can get girlfriends. So I decided to test it out.
I am an ugly man listing my past 50 attempts at trying to get a girlfriend. FYI, I am confirmed ugly, there is zero speculation as it's been repeatedly told to me over the years.
The following are results from following the advice I got here to "just go for it". I also made sure I was well dressed had andwas very open to everybody.
Every single woman rejected me.
Every encounter falls into 4 failure scenarios.
Girls #1-13: On the subway/public transport/open area and dressed my best. This is during the day time. I make eye contact with a woman only to have them immediately look away and never look back again. No acknowledgement, reciprocation, and a clearly visible look of disgust on their face. Decide to do a new approach and actually go by a woman instead, they look right at me and immediately shift their body away or move further up the platform.
Girls #14-20: I see a woman I find attractive at an event and approach her saying I'd like to hang out with her sometime Very low pressure/fun, maintaining full eye contact. They all smile at first but then immediately walk away as I'm trying to talk to them again. Most just look immediately at their phones after and never look at me again for the rest of the night. Slight/veiled look of disgust on their face but the lowest of all 4 scenarios.
Girls #20-30: Same as above only difference is doing it at night. Drunk women will talk to me for a few moments only to go off to other men. Look of disgust is not as obvious here but still very much there. It is instead replaced with a look of pity.
Girls #40-50: This is a general rejection upon first sight. Even when approaching with a light anecdote or observation to start a conversation, they simply respond coldly and refuse to talk further. Any responses henceforth are equally dismissive or non-existent. EXTREME anger and resentment towards me for approaching them, almost fury. Look of disgust is strongest in these situations above all others.
Had these just been isolated incidents, one could chalk to up to chance. But this is a consistent pattern that repeats 100% of the time.
TL,DR
Yes, it is possible to be TOO ugly to get women, that isn't a myth.
I'm living proof.
Awesome progress! Cold approaching is certainly not impossible but you need to remember a few things...
1. You being interested in them is not a reason they will be interested in you.
2. First get on the same page / establish a connection. Then try to move this to where you want to be. You're trying to land / build a relationship with another person, so mingle with the person. Sex won't be good without a connection anyways.
3. You need to make them want you too. Avoid even literally saying negative words. Provide good energy and make them feel good. You maybe justified in being slightly miserable, or down on yourself but a stranger doesn't care. Imo it'll probably be a few dates before they might care.
4. Trust that you can go all in and make an honest attempt but respect if they aren't interested and don't take it personal. Sometimes girls "reject" you just to see if you can handle backing off, so don't just walk away and consider friendily coming back and chatting her up again.
5. Know for a fact there are girls out there who want your attention, don't give too much time to those who don't because they'll destroy your confidence. There are many girls out there, you only need one.
6. The medium is the message. Some events / locations are better for approaching women.
Sounds like girls 40-50 you lost all your confidence. You should make a list of different scenarios you can interact with women. I would recommend a beginner's tango class because it's mostly nerds who want to slow dance with the opposite sex in a controlled environment and a beginner's class is meant to be fun / easy / no pressure.
If you find yourself failing too much then take the opportunity to practice some more bold ideas since you "know" you're going to fail anyways. Normally this leads to you perfecting the idea and succeeding with the 3rd / etc girl you try it on.
Awesome progress! Cold approaching is certainly not impossible but you need to remember a few things...
1. You being interested in them is not a reason they will be interested in you.
2. First get on the same page / establish a connection. Then try to move this to where you want to be. You're trying to land / build a relationship with another person, so mingle with the person. Sex won't be good without a connection anyways.
3. You need to make them want you too. Avoid even literally saying negative words. Provide good energy and make them feel good. You maybe justified in being slightly miserable, or down on yourself but a stranger doesn't care. Imo it'll probably be a few dates before they might care.
4. Trust that you can go all in and make an honest attempt but respect if they aren't interested and don't take it personal. Sometimes girls "reject" you just to see if you can handle backing off, so don't just walk away and consider friendily coming back and chatting her up again.
5. Know for a fact there are girls out there who want your attention, don't give too much time to those who don't because they'll destroy your confidence. There are many girls out there, you only need one.
6. The medium is the message. Some events / locations are better for approaching women.
Sounds like girls 40-50 you lost all your confidence. You should make a list of different scenarios you can interact with women. I would recommend a beginner's tango class because it's mostly nerds who want to slow dance with the opposite sex in a controlled environment and a beginner's class is meant to be fun / easy / no pressure.
If you find yourself failing too much then take the opportunity to practice some more bold ideas since you "know" you're going to fail anyways. Normally this leads to you perfecting the idea and succeeding with the 3rd / etc girl you try it on.
With regard to the bolded, seriously, how could you not lose all your confidence? 0 for 50? That's frickin' brutal.
With regard to the bolded, seriously, how could you not lose all your confidence? 0 for 50? That's frickin' brutal.
I haven't approached 50 women in my whole life.
Sounds like girls 14-30 were all met at 2 different events. Not really succeeding at 2 events can be normal for anyone. Sounds like the first event there wasn't really an expectation of hooking up and the second one he needs to familiarize and integrate with that kind of scene more.
Sounds like girls 14-30 were all met at 2 different events. Not really succeeding at 2 events can be normal for anyone. Sounds like the first event there wasn't really an expectation of hooking up and the second one he needs to familiarize and integrate with that kind of scene more.
Yeah, but 50 approaches?!?!?!
Like I said, I haven't approached that many women in my life, and frankly don't intend to.
Exactly my point. So what are an average guy's options today? Basically a step down from the fit guy's choice.
A woman told me this, an average guy means nice, and nice means boring. She is nothing more than an average woman/single mom and guys not all guys are lined up to be with her. Their is nothing special about her in any way or form, but she turned down some decent guys. What I found out is that if your an average guy, its best not to try to aim for an average woman. Instead try to aim for women above average. If not an above average woman, try to aim for women who are below average. So far I only go out with women who are above average or women who are below average. I can never seem to get an average looking woman. Nothing wrong with that, if a woman wants to be with a man because he is good looking than so be it, whatever makes her happy. My theory is this if 20% of men is sleeping with 80% or even 60% of women, I can guarantee that these women for the most part are not hot and probably average, bbwish, short and square looking. During valentines day I came across very attractive women who are single and was completely amazed. Again I have seen. Also try to find a woman who enjoys personality over good looks but that is becoming increasingly hard these days. So far I'm seeing two women who enjoy personality over looks.
I know of a very sob story were a woman went into a relationship with a very good looking man and eventually married, so good looking every woman and even guy wanted to be with him. One day she went to the doctor and heard not so good news due to blood test and further testing had to be done. Thanks to her cheating good looking husband death was knocking on her door.
Actually I know of a woman who also wont date good looking men because it increases the chances of him cheating.
A woman told me this, an average guy means nice, and nice means boring. She is nothing more than an average woman/single mom and guys not all guys are lined up to be with her. Their is nothing special about her in any way or form, but she turned down some decent guys. What I found out is that if your an average guy, its best not to try to aim for an average woman. Instead try to aim for women above average. If not an above average woman, try to aim for women who are below average. So far I only go out with women who are above average or women who are below average. I can never seem to get an average looking woman. Nothing wrong with that, if a woman wants to be with a man because he is good looking than so be it, whatever makes her happy. My theory is this if 20% of men is sleeping with 80% or even 60% of women, I can guarantee that these women for the most part are not hot and probably average, bbwish, short and square looking. During valentines day I came across very attractive women who are single and was completely amazed. Again I have seen. Also try to find a woman who enjoys personality over good looks but that is becoming increasingly hard these days. So far I'm seeing two women who enjoy personality over looks.
I know of a very sob story were a woman went into a relationship with a very good looking man and eventually married, so good looking every woman and even guy wanted to be with him. One day she went to the doctor and heard not so good news due to blood test and further testing had to be done. Thanks to her cheating good looking husband death was knocking on her door.
Actually I know of a woman who also wont date good looking men because it increases the chances of him cheating.
Wow, you're friend sounds like an awful, shallow person.
Anecdotes like this pretty much just reinforce for me that I want no part of the dating game.
I find the word "ugly" to describe the appearance of another person to be very callous and if I was on the receiving end of hearing someone describe me as being "ugly", I think that is rather appalling! If these were my "friends", why on earth would I need "enemies"?
I would think trying to meet people on a subway is not the best method. The "ambiance" just wouldn't be there for me and the last thing on my mind whether it would be when I was on a subway, bus, cab or plane, is getting into a relationship with a stranger.
There are many many ways to meet women other than randomly "choosing" them when by the above method or in a bar. Perhaps searching online for one of those groups which have different activities to join????
Personally, when I have chosen boyfriends in the past it had less to do with their looks and more to do with who they were on the inside. (And boy, I have been way off on who I "thought" they were and who they turned out to be once we were together, so this is not a fool proof method, for I have been a fool many times.
I suffer from low self-esteem and it sounds like you do as well. I am working on stopping myself or "catching" myself everytime I try to beat up myself and realize I am a good person, a kind person and one who is capable of really showing and expressing concern and love for other humans. I am no longer feeling like I have to have anyone else validate for me my own self-worth. And especially not a person of the opposite sex. I hope that you learn to love yourself--your whole package--your face, your body, your special and unique being. There is no one else like you in the world. Love yourself. Until you learn how to do this, it may be hard for you to find another to love you as well.
This. I've been with well over a hundred women over the years and have probably had a couple dozen girlfriends, but not a single one of them was a complete stranger that I cold-approached in public. There have been a few (and I mean very few-- maybe five) who were strangers I met at a bar without being introduced by a mutual friend, but even those always started with some kind of casual friendly chit-chat, or them giving me some kind of flirty look to let me know they were interested. It was never just me seeing an attractive stranger and deciding to walk up and put a move on her. I would expect an extremely high rejection rate if I did that.
Right, so often guys will come on here trying to prove a point (usually about how awful or shallow women are) with these convoluted experiments. When pressed, they'll admit to approaching awkwardly, ignoring social cues, saying odd things, and then lamenting that it didn't work.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,995,252 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cindersslipper
What it boils down to is this - if you find yourself desperate enough to consider Cold Approach, you are too ugly to be successful.
Well, I'm not good looking (wish I was), but I can't imagine ever just walking up to someone I've never met and trying to get them to go on a date. I'm amazed that could ever work, for starters, but I'm also trying to figure out the incentive. If I've never talked to them I wouldn't have any desire to ask them out in the first place. It just sounds so backwards.
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