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Looking back on my dating and relationship history it is really hard to pinpoint any single trait or "it factor". I've dated tall and short, chunky and skinny, poor and successful, light and dark, intellectual and not-so-intellectual.
If there is any one thing that they all had in common, I'd say it was that they were able to put me at ease, they made me laugh, and were simply enjoyable company and easy to be with.
My husband is the only man who really made me swoon right off the bat, who had any kind of "it factor" to speak of. He is so charismatic and charming. He cast a spell on me. There is just something about him.
You appear to be open and realistic, looking at valuable characteristics instead of unrealistic expectations. This is the first key, it seems.
In a couple of sentences, it sounds like what you have described is LOVE and good for you, not everyone gets a chance at experiencing this "equal opportunity". I feel it comes down to the combination of the two people involved to make it work and individual personalities to begin with who were both receptive and capable of what it takes for real involvement.
It is not about looks, it's not about money.. but since many think that, they ignore what may be right in front of them, leaving themselves and others out of the picture.
Last edited by In2itive_1; 03-07-2015 at 03:07 AM..
Reason: An error
I think it's pretty obvious that only rich, good looking people are capable of being in a relationship.
If that were true, where do all the poor or funny-looking people come from? Besides that, why would it be that someone good-looking and well-off guarantees their capability of being in a relationship, when it comes down to personality to make it work? We know that many people with money are troubled and that beauty is only skin deep.
If that were true, where do all the poor or funny-looking people come from? Besides that, why would it be that someone good-looking and well-off guarantees their capability of being in a relationship, when it comes down to personality to make it work? We know that many people with money are troubled and that beauty is only skin deep.
Dew wasn't serious. This was in response to a poster saying the it factor is money.
There is a book called "The Secret"; better yet, you can probably find it on YouTube (the movie) or rent it from your local library. It is extremely interesting and would do you a world of good.
There is a book called "The Secret"; better yet, you can probably find it on YouTube (the movie) or rent it from your local library. It is extremely interesting and would do you a world of good.
... if you can't sit in any given public place and see PLENTY of couples who do not appear to have any sort of 'it' factor but yet appear to be in a relationship of some kind. Ordinary, everyday people.
Yes, I always think, do those with high expectations ever wonder who all these other people are when in public and where did they come from? Are they expecting women with flowing hair past their waists and perfect figures, wearing high heels to come bouncing by, or where might they be? And if they happen to see one and she is with an equally attractive male, do they think "Oh, see? It figures she is with him. You might see a "model-type" in a particular environment, but honestly, even celebrities are not out in public with makeup and hair done. (As images of celebs like this are available, some deny that it is them, but are just disguised as their regular selves).
I always observe "ordinary people" everywhere and this preoccupation with ideal looks I feel has done both men and women a disservice. All kinds of people date or have relationships - rich, poor, attractive, not so attractive, kind, mean, healthy, addicts, mentally unwell to really troubled, etc. It has been proven that relationships don't always work, no matter who it is or the situation. Even the best of relationships are tough and other times, some give up pretty easily. I love how some assume that perfect looks, home, jobs, etc., must translate to having a perfect relationship, yet another couple may be very happy, sans all of the above.
I recall a beautiful, female neighbor who would walk past my apartment with her boyfriend all the time. There they were, arm in arm or holding hands and kissing. Sometime later, after the couple had broken up, and conversing with her about how they "looked", she admitted it was "all an act"..to my surprise. Another neighbor, a lovely Australian actress was in a bad situation. I have seen ordinary couples who were seemingly very happy and recall being out with a boyfriend when others commente that we appeared "so happy", though it was after we had just "made up". (I too, have had my share of bad apples, as "worth it" as I may be or have been...😜..Lol).
The author of "The Secret" attempts to use non-scientific ideas (like invisible energy fields) and superstition to explain something that can be explained in more realistic and simple terms.
The fact is, people are looking for happiness and as such they will be attracted to people who exhibit happiness and a sense that they have figured out their own "formula" for their happiness. We consciously and unconsciously exhibit and display our happiness in a myriad of ways: consistent laughing, lack of complaining and problems, a life that is seemingly well organized to be a more efficient template for happy experiences instead of problems.
People can detect other people whose lives are efficiently organized and arranged for optimal happiness. In other words they have all or most of their ducks in order to maintain and create a whole and satisfying life, no matter what their economic level. As we are always looking for happiness for ourselves, when we see it in someone else, it can be a precursor and motivator of attraction. We see someone happy and we wonder how they got that way, and, in the case where a romantic exchange is possible, if we can be a part of it.
Of course, it will vary what different people see as happiness but it can probably be concluded any generally smooth functioning life, rather than one filled with dysfunction, will, on whole, be attractive to the larger percentage of the population.
You don't have to be rich or good-looking to be happy and give off that vibe. You don't have to be surrounded with friends and romantic interests. You more likely just need to not be struggling with problems and dysfunction that produce and display unhappiness and difficulty. You simply need to make yourself happy by creating a productive, independent and functioning life for yourself no matter how humble. It doesn't have to be filled with a lot of money and materialism. It just needs to function well for you. When people see that you have a happiness formula that works for you, they will be attracted to it, and where the circumstances allow it, you, as well. This does not only mean independence but environmental beauty. You don't want to put yourself in a place where the environment doesn't inspire happiness. You have to keep in mind all levels of the happiness equation: independence, natural setting, your home (is it well organized? does it inspire happiness or is it a mess?), your habits (any addictions you need to rid yourself of?), bills (do you have too many?), family dysfunction (are your relations keeping your true happiness at bay?), your experiences (do you engage in or seek out fun and/or satisfying experiences?), personal hygiene, etc...All those variables (and perhaps more) need to be in order for you to have the optimal chance of inspiring attraction.
Other people, in themselves, don't make us happy. If that were true dysfunctional families would be no less happy than functional ones. People with functioning, problem-lite lives that maintain a higher level of happy experiences than unhappy experiences make us happy and draw us to them.
The point is you need to find out what satisfies you (just you, not in any relation to or with the help of other people) and do it, make it happen. If you're not happy where you are alone, no one is going to want to join you there. Doesn't matter how humble. The point is to create such a satisfying life for yourself you reach a point where you are confident enough in your own happiness that you want to try and share it with someone who could perhaps use a little happiness of their own.
Last edited by Shankapotomus; 03-07-2015 at 06:44 AM..
The author of "The Secret" attempts to use non-scientific ideas (like invisible energy fields) and superstition to explain something that can be explained in more realistic and simple terms.
The fact is, people are looking for happiness and as such they will be attracted to people who exhibit happiness and a sense that they have figured out their own "formula" for their happiness. We consciously and unconsciously exhibit and display our happiness in a myriad of ways: consistent laughing, lack of complaining and problems, a life that is seemingly well organized to be a more efficient template for happy experiences instead of problems.
People can detect other people whose lives are efficiently organized and arranged for optimal happiness. In other words they have all or most of their ducks in order to maintain and create a whole and satisfying life, no matter what their economic level. As we are always looking for happiness for ourselves, when we see it in someone else, it can be a precursor and motivator of attraction. We see someone happy and we wonder how they got that way, and, in the case where a romantic exchange is possible, if we can be a part of it.
Of course, it will vary what different people see as happiness but it can probably be concluded any generally smooth functioning life, rather than one filled with dysfunction, will, on whole, be attractive to the larger percentage of the population.
You don't have to be rich or good-looking to be happy and give off that vibe. You don't have to be surrounded with friends and romantic interests. You more likely just need to not be struggling with problems and dysfunction that produce and display unhappiness and difficulty. You simply need to make yourself happy by creating a productive, independent and functioning life for yourself no matter how humble. It doesn't have to be filled with a lot of money and materialism. It just needs to function well for you. When people see that you have a happiness formula that works for you, they will be attracted to it, and where the circumstances allow it, you, as well. This does not only mean independence but environmental beauty. You don't want to put yourself in a place where the environment doesn't inspire happiness. You have to keep in mind all levels of the happiness equation: independence, natural setting, your home (is it well organized? does it inspire happiness or is it a mess?), your habits (any addictions you need to rid yourself of?), bills (do you have too many?), family dysfunction (are your relations keeping your true happiness at bay?), your experiences (do you engage in or seek out fun and/or satisfying experiences?), personal hygiene, etc...All those variables (and perhaps more) need to be in order for you to have the optimal chance of inspiring attraction.
Other people, in themselves, don't make us happy. If that were true dysfunctional families would be no less happy than functional ones. People with functioning, problem-lite lives that maintain a higher level of happy experiences than unhappy experiences make us happy and draw us to them.
The point is you need to find out what satisfies you (just you, not in any relation to or with the help of other people) and do it, make it happen. If you're not happy where you are alone, no one is going to want to join you there. Doesn't matter how humble. The point is to create such a satisfying life for yourself you reach a point where you are confident enough in your own happiness that you want to try and share it with someone who could perhaps use a little happiness of their own.
I would love to be able to create a satisfying life but I keep getting screwed over in the employment part. Tough to get anything started when you can't solve your employment issues.
I would love to be able to create a satisfying life but I keep getting screwed over in the employment part. Tough to get anything started when you can't solve your employment issues.
While you might disagree, happiness is not necessarrily dependent on money or on jobs that can get you a lot of money.
It is probably an extreme course of action but there are those experimenting with living happy with little to zero money.
Some sites where you can explore this philosophy of living are:
I doubt you would need to go to those extremes but you may find those sites helpful to getting your mind in the right frame set to experiment.
Remember, for thousands of years humans existed on the planet without things called "jobs". Of course, spurring employment completely may not be a realistic option for most, there are things you can do and learn that can make you more self-sufficient and less dependent upon an employer or recurring public and private services. For instance, you can create a small garden or even small farm that can supply some if not all of your nutritional needs. Another area is solar generated electricity where a one time investment in solar panels and battery banks can help eliminate your recurring electricity bills, provided you're willing to make some changes to your regular power consumption habits.
Last edited by Shankapotomus; 03-07-2015 at 10:23 AM..
If you think that "it" factor equals looks than you completely missed the boat by a few hundred miles. I've been saying this for quite some times now on other posts.
I personally know a good amount of below average to ugly dog face guys to blistering pimple face guys, all standing under 5ft 6 inches and most of them have decent looking wife. Some of them have hella fine wife. Let me just say, their looks didn't stop them from having that "it" factor.
no, you are the one that has missed the boat. Just because you have said this many times does not make it true. How old are these sub 5'6" ugly men with decent looking wifes? I suspect you reside in some atypical demographic if what you claim is true. OP's implied point is correct, looks matter a great deal to most fit and attractive women.
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and good for you, not everyone gets a chance at experiencing this "equal opportunity". I feel it comes down to the combination of the two people involved to make it work and individual personalities to begin with who were both receptive and capable of what it takes for real involvement.
