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Can anyone give examples of pointing out the difference?
My very recent ex used to ALWAYS belittle me when we argued. He always thought only he was right, no matter what. He could never respect my opinions, and when I disagreed with him in an argument, he'd get as far as to call me by various offensive names. I never talked to him in such a way and found it so disgusting that he talked to his woman in such a way, that it was one of the main reasons why I ended the relationship.
An argument is nothing abnormal. All people argue all the time. The thing is: there is a HUGE difference between a RESPECTFUL argument and a disrespectful one.
If you ever feel that you're being verbally put down by your partner (and you should be able to recognize which words and epithets constitute an intentional belittling of someone), then this is definitely verbal abuse.
Never let your partner talk you down for any reason.
With my ex, who I felt was verbally/emotionally abusive, the difference between him and other partners was when arguing with him, I felt verbally bullied and emotionally manipulated. He didn't call me names, but he bulldozed over everything I tried to say, he'd get louder and louder even if we were in public and I was getting embarrassed. He considered my disagreeing with him almost a betrayal, and so he made every fight into much more than it should have been. I would feel bullied enough that I would end up apologizing to him just to make it stop. Often he would stomp out and drive off, staying mad at me for days, and often for things where I had no idea why he was so mad, they seemed that trivial. I felt like I couldn't win no matter what I did.
In a "normal" argument with other partners I never felt that way. IMO if the term "abusive" crosses your mind, it's a red flag. usually we try to tamp that thought down, but to our detriment.
Can anyone give examples of pointing out the difference?
A parent calling their child "stupid" or other derogatory comments consistently or between spouses/ signicant others, etc. No praising, only mean name bashing that often makes that person feel bad about themselves.
Argument - usually just a disagreement over terms, difference of opinions. One does not need to call one names to have a disagreement. It can involve pointing out the plus and minus of what the other person believes without getting obsessive about it and no physical hitting involved either.
Can anyone give examples of pointing out the difference?
Arguing is just expressing different views about an issue.
"I want to go to dinner at 7."
"No, I want to go at 5 because I want to watch Jeopardy at 7!"
Verbal abuse is degrading somebody, calling them awful names, "fat, ugly, stupid, dumb, dense, worthless," etc..
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