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From my view being straightforward with compliments seems like the right and honest thing but since this whole dating this is a game.. you can't seem too upfront, you can't seem too eager but at the same time you can't be too passive, you can't wait too long to call her but you also can't call too soon etc. etc. one is confused if a compliment can be seen as "too strong" in the initial stages of dating.
Say you met a lady and you loved her personality and looks and wanted to see her again. Now, if you texted her with the message "I enjoyed our date, you have a great personality"... is that too direct of a statement even if that is how you felt? Is that going to be taken as too strong of a come on and scare her off or is it going to be appreciated?
No, its not too direct. I'd word it differently (as Wmns suggested), but no, its not too strong.
Be sincere, most of all. Sincerity is highest when you compliment a somewhat specific aspect rather than "You're just so wonderful!" Also, try to avoid a compliment on a superficial physical characteristic she may not even have control over (like eye color) or something too personal like her figure, especially very early on - that may put her on guard.
From my view being straightforward with compliments seems like the right and honest thing but since this whole dating this is a game.. you can't seem too upfront, you can't seem too eager but at the same time you can't be too passive, you can't wait too long to call her but you also can't call too soon etc. etc. one is confused if a compliment can be seen as "too strong" in the initial stages of dating.
Women have more options than ever, I understand how easily it is to become another "guy" she met at "x" area/place. But I will tell you this, a woman who is 100% interested will not confuse you. In fact, she will make it obvious that she wants you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by k374
Say you met a lady and you loved her personality and looks and wanted to see her again. Now, if you texted her with the message "I enjoyed our date, you have a great personality"... is that too direct of a statement even if that is how you felt? Is that going to be taken as too strong of a come on and scare her off or is it going to be appreciated?
Compliments are to be used sparingly. When you watch a funny movie over and over again, it starts to become very familiar and "unfunny." It's the same with compliments. The only time I ever recommend giving a compliment is either during sex or after she does something that you want her to change, like her weight for example.
Instead of texting/calling her after the date, wait for her to do it. If she's truly interested then SHE WILL. If she doesn't, it's not a bad thing it just means she needs more dates out so you can build more attraction between you two. Basically means her interest isn't there and she might find someone else, because it's very easy to.
This is why you should be at your absolute best when in the dating game.
If you treat dating like a game, it will be a game, and you will end up like those pathetic men on here that blame women for their inability to connect.
Stop playing games and grow up. That's the only way to get a quality woman.
I have a hard time with compliments. They've always made me feel very uncomfortable. However, I think some women don't mind a little praise here and there.
I would simply keep it light. For example, no saying things like: "Your eyes are like liquid pools of honeydew and butterscotch." Because you'll probably scare her away. But saying casual things like, "You look nice tonight," or "You're really funny" can make a girl feel very good about herself.
Also, timing is everything.
Don't compliment her out of the blue. That's weird. Make sure the mood and the timing is right.
I'm awkward with compliments, but you shouldn't treat dating like a game. It's not. If you want to genuinely bond with another human being you have to be yourself.
Omit all the nonsense you hear about dating from your mind. Those people and those stereotypes aren't YOU.
My motto is that a guy should always treat an attractive woman like an ugly duckling, treat an ugly duckling like an attractive woman, and treat a mediocre looking woman like she's mediocre looking. I practice what I preach and it usually works/holds true.
Complimenting an attractive woman early on is one of the worst things a guy can do. Wait until you've gotten somewhere with her before dropping any compliments (at least compliments related to her looks....telling her she's smart or funny is perfectly fine, however).
I agree on this. Any looks related compliment is bound to be something the woman has heard hundreds if not thousands of times in her life. I wouldn't be surprised if women keep a written record of all the overused and cheesy compliments they've heard over the years that they bring out with their girlfriends to chortle at.
My motto is that a guy should always treat an attractive woman like an ugly duckling, treat an ugly duckling like an attractive woman, and treat a mediocre looking woman like she's mediocre looking. I practice what I preach and it usually works/holds true.
This may work for you, but I consider that sloppy. I used to do this as well.
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Bro
Complimenting an attractive woman early on is one of the worst things a guy can do. Wait until you've gotten somewhere with her before dropping any compliments (at least compliments related to her looks....telling her she's smart or funny is perfectly fine, however).
Compliments should only be used unless she has earned it. If she has done nothing then why you would praise her for doing nothing? Being "pretty" is not good enough by the way.
I've been paying attention ever since I read The Five Love Languages. I prefer to be in a relationship with a man who uses Words of Affirmation. I have dated exactly 1 man in the past 4 years who was genuinely good at giving compliments. He started from the first date. We dated for several months and he frequently complimented me. Spoiled me a bit. Since then I've met me for whom compliments seemed to be on a checklist...something they made an effort to do because they knew it was important, not because they were really feeling it. Not that the compliments weren't genuine. Just that by age 45, these guys had been trained to voice them.
To a guy who hesitates to compliment a woman for fear that he will be coming on too strong or giving her the wrong message, I say: suit up! EVERYONE likes compliments. If a guy likes my hair/smell/shirt/shoes/laugh/jokes and says so, I'm not going to fit him for a tux, nor am I going to run like hell.
Complimenting people makes them feel good. It does not imply future commitment.
I know a guy that read that book ( him and his wife) and attended counseling. They are splitting-up though. This is the second time I have heard about this book but he goes through all the motions as well. He actually has to stop and think about his moves before he does/says something and I can see it, but I've never read the book. It's weird when it is not second nature and like viewing a bad film.
I also have an excellent memory. So he will say something about a situation that happened ( that he is expounding on) and can be completely different than what he originally said. He runs from me (which is fine) he's still a nice guy but he knows I know too much and I don't have to say anything. ( we are not dating or anything, just friends)
I must be scary or too realistic.
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