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I'm a middle-aged man, "dating" a woman just over 3 years. The first year was filled with the usual high levels of interest/attraction/sex, etc. She's very attractive, with a great personality and work ethic. But, I always had a feeling there was something about this woman that I couldn't put my finger on.
I met her online and found out she was married but legally separated, a fact she omitted in her profile. How original. Although this angered me and we discussed her situation, we continued to date and were very close, spending lots of time together. Too much time.
This woman struggles with honest communication, as you can guess, and would rarely, if ever, discuss issues arising from our relationship. I sensed she was hiding something. We got along great, worked well together, and had wonderful sex. She eventually formed a healthy bond with my children.
It turns out, she was not happy living where she had moved, which was about 100 miles from her family (daughters). She had been thinking about selling her house and moving back when the time was right. Along with this information, her communication has always been inconsistent. Shutting me out at times, inconsistent calls, etc.
She has since finalized her divorce.
Realizing that the relationship was temporary, I opted to move on to avoid dealing with her moving, and the fact that she tends to hide too much of her feelings. This has happened at least 4-5 times over the last two years.
We've been on a roller coaster of a relationship since, each time, over this issue. However, when I walk away, she eventually reaches out and invites me over, or comes to my place. You know what happens then.
And yes, I admit, I never turn her away. The real problem is that we get along really great. We just can't talk about the state of our relationship. It's kind of implied that we can get together, hang out, and have sex. A booty call, if you will.
I walked away again before Christmas when she told me that she misses her family, and would rather spend the holiday with her child and grandchild. As a parent myself, I completely understood, but I didn't want her to feel conflicted, so I told her she should really make her way back and let us go because it will only make things more difficult for both of us. She did not like that idea, but I walked anyway. Nicely. The first couple of times wasn't so nice but I've had this dance too many times. This last breakup lasted about two months with a couple of in-between emails/texts from her.
Meanwhile, I have dated other women and have tried to keep myself busy.
So now, I am completely prepared for her to sell her home and move within the year. And yet, she still reaches out to me and has sex with me. I can invite myself to her place at anytime, have a great dinner, sleep over with great sex.
And I admit, letting go is not what I wanted either. But with her moving, I'm living with the fact that she has to go. Two years ago, it was much harder to imagine.
So, has anyone been in this situation? One where the other party is perfectly content with casual sex with little to no talk of the relationship? It feels very phony and one-sided to me. Too bad, the sex is great!
It's your own fault for going back again and again. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
It's clear you and she want very different things, so you're just going to continue to be dissatisfied/disappointed with the arrangement. And she knows you'll always come running back any time she crooks her finger. It's too bad she has a relationship with your children, or has that gone by the wayside?
Good rule of thumb. The longer it takes to write a post describing the relationship, the less salvageable that relationship is. Punt.
People who think relationships are supposed to be eventful and full of drama are fools. They have never grown completely up and draw their cues from television dramas. In truth, relationships are supposed to almost effortless once the basic ground rules have been drawn.
So if you are sitting there continually obsessing or worrying over the status of your relationship, then you really don't have one.
So, has anyone been in this situation? One where the other party is perfectly content with casual sex with little to no talk of the relationship? It feels very phony and one-sided to me. Too bad, the sex is great!
I agree it's one sided because you obviously are more emotionally invested. How is it phony? It seems like she deliberately avoids talking about the future just so she doesn't have to be phony.
If after 3 years she's planning to move away and doesn't even want to share that information with you, then I think that's all you need to know. She obviously doesn't consider you a priority in her life. You'll never be able to move on while you're still in contact with her, and to be blunt I think it's unfair to the other women you're trying to date to date them when you're still hung up on someone else. You need to banish her from your life, take some time for yourself, and move on. For good.
If after 3 years she's planning to move away and doesn't even want to share that information with you, then I think that's all you need to know. She obviously doesn't consider you a priority in her life.
Sad but true. You'll have to cut her off completely, to move on. Otherwise, she'll keep jerking you back.
You already know the answer. Just keep on going over and having great sex.
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