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I just woke up in a cold sweat. I have no idea what I was dreaming though. I got 3 hours of sleep which is the most I did since being dumped.
I remember her saying near the beginning of the relationship that she sabotages anything good that comes in her life so I'm thinking that she may have sub consciously done that with our relationship. I even told her the last time I ever saw her dumping me is another way of sabotaging good things that come into her life.
This behavior probably stems from having a non-existent mother her whole childhood .Deep down I think she probably has low self esteem and doesn't feel she deserves anything good to happen to her.
One example of her sabotaging things is Valentines Day weekend. She came over at night after work. I then took her out for the night. We got home at 3 am and she passed out immediately. Next day she was being cold to me all day, was crying in bed and wouldn't let me touch her at all. Barely even talked to me. She apologized when she left for being such a ***** all day. This is 1st time she ever acted this way. Weird part is when she was breaking up with me she complained how we didn't even have sex on Valentines weekend?!?!
I just woke up in a cold sweat. I have no idea what I was dreaming though. I got 3 hours of sleep which is the most I did since being dumped.
I remember her saying near the beginning of the relationship that she sabotages anything good that comes in her life so I'm thinking that she may have sub consciously done that with our relationship. I even told her the last time I ever saw her dumping me is another way of sabotaging good things that come into her life.
This behavior probably stems from having a non-existent mother her whole childhood .Deep down I think she probably has low self esteem and doesn't feel she deserves anything good to happen to her.
One example of her sabotaging things is Valentines Day weekend. She came over at night after work. I then took her out for the night. We got home at 3 am and she passed out immediately. Next day she was being cold to me all day, was crying in bed and wouldn't let me touch her at all. Barely even talked to me. She apologized when she left for being such a ***** all day. This is 1st time she ever acted this way. Weird part is when she was breaking up with me she complained how we didn't even have sex on Valentines weekend?!?!
You can attempt to psychoanalyze her all you want, but 1) none of her behavior is odd to someone who hears the details of her upbringing, and 2) it's distracting you from your real issue, which is ...
You need to FORGET HER and work on you. As much as you would like it to be, this is NOT all her fault.
Continually placing yourself in the role of "good guy" here is tempting and easy but not healthy.
I'm not saying you're the bad guy, but you seem like more of a clueless guy. You need to get much better at reading people and paying attention to red flags.
You can attempt to psychoanalyze her all you want, but 1) none of her behavior is odd to someone who hears the details of her upbringing, and 2) it's distracting you from your real issue, which is ...
You need to FORGET HER and work on you. As much as you would like it to be, this is NOT all her fault.
Continually placing yourself in the role of "good guy" here is tempting and easy but not healthy.
I'm not saying you're the bad guy, but you seem like more of a clueless guy. You need to get much better at reading people and paying attention to red flags.
I do still think you need therapy.
thank you wmsn4life......I agree 100%. I do need to get much better at reading people and paying attention to red flags. I am clueless when I'm in the "moment" of a relationship. I'm crazy about her so she must be equally crazy about me is my thought process but I'm not noticing subtle signs hat there are problems brewing. For example one day she just started crying in bed for no reason. I asked what's wrong and she said nothing. That was the first clue/red flag that something is wrong.
It is not at all her fault. Much of it can be blamed on me. I actually wrote a list of all the things I learned from the relationship and the mistakes I made. I'm trying to figure out where I am going wrong in my relationships. I wasn't romantic enough, I didn't keep the 'exciting' aspect going and when she would say something physically that she didn't like about herself I wouldn't say anything to really make her feel better about things she was conscious of. She thought she needed to lose 20 pounds and instead of saying I love your body just the way it is I would say then we're going to bust our a$$es at the gym together.
Also I think because I was a good amount older than her sometimes I would act like a father figure when it came to paying bills or saving money. I was just trying to help because she was broke but no girl wants to hear that
No chance and I wouldn't even entertain the notion. I'm going to be bluntly honest with you, the oxytocin cocktail wore off and you weren't "exciting enough" and she more than likely is looking for a better deal. I.E, female hypergamy mixed with a tinge of Briffaults Law. I highly suggest every man to burn both of those concepts into your brain when dealing with women.
Personally, I went my own way in mid 2012, I don't regret my choice. Perhaps you should look toward the MGTOW community and maybe you'll find answers to what happened with your last girlfriend. The MGTOW community is a great place to find like-minded men and indepth critical analysis of human male and human female nature.
I would definitely seek out the youtube channels of Bar Bar, Spetsnatz and ThinkingApe, lots and lots of important information that the everyman could use. It is nice being apart of a community where we put both men and women under the microscope and discuss things from an unapologetic, non-politically correct worldview.
If you are a MGTOW, why are you on a Relationship forum? Seems like it would be a big waste of your time. Just making an observation.
OP, just take things one hour/day/week at a time. It hurts and it SUCKS, but the pain will pass and you will be OK. She didn't sound like she was a super great girlfriend anyway and you seem like a pretty nice guy.
Get up and live your life, stay busy, and you need to get some rest. Lack of sleep compounds the issue.
thank you wmsn4life......I agree 100%. I do need to get much better at reading people and paying attention to red flags. I am clueless when I'm in the "moment" of a relationship. I'm crazy about her so she must be equally crazy about me is my thought process but I'm not noticing subtle signs hat there are problems brewing. For example one day she just started crying in bed for no reason. I asked what's wrong and she said nothing. That was the first clue/red flag that something is wrong.
It is not at all her fault. Much of it can be blamed on me. I actually wrote a list of all the things I learned from the relationship and the mistakes I made. I'm trying to figure out where I am going wrong in my relationships. I wasn't romantic enough, I didn't keep the 'exciting' aspect going and when she would say something physically that she didn't like about herself I wouldn't say anything to really make her feel better about things she was conscious of. She thought she needed to lose 20 pounds and instead of saying I love your body just the way it is I would say then we're going to bust our a$$es at the gym together.
Also I think because I was a good amount older than her sometimes I would act like a father figure when it came to paying bills or saving money. I was just trying to help because she was broke but no girl wants to hear that
I'm trying to figure out where I am going wrong in my relationships.
From what you wrote about her in your other thread, you need to choose your partners much more wisely. This had disaster written all over it from the start.
From what you wrote about her in your other thread, you need to choose your partners much more wisely. This had disaster written all over it from the start.
I didn't re-read the other thread to see how the OP fell in love with this girl but this often happens when you fall in love with someone because of how she looks and eventually rationalize how she is also great relationship material despite all her problems.
Find somebody who's in the same place you're at in life.
Oh THAT'LL make a pretty picture... two sinking ships....
I'd suggest that you let your head clear. A breakup is very hard on anybody... understand the pain, suffer through it, learn from it, heal from it, move on.
You and your ex were apparently not meant to be. Better you find out now than spending years in a marriage that didn't work, only to have had a couple of kids that would have been exposed to divorced parents... Sounds cold but, you're better off knowing now, than you would have been later.
You're both obviously young, and have a full life in front of you. She's no longer your SO, and you're no longer hers. If it's not meant to be, then so be it. I know it's hard to deal with, but them's the breaks... (slang on purpose).
You'll find your next love and you'll see how much you grew from your past love.
I wish you well in your recovery... but keep your chin up.
oh please, if one is going to get over problems, they have to face them head on and stop crying woe is me.
I'm pretty sure your advice is more about you getting your rocks off tearing some kid on the internet then helping him. It has been a week since he's been dump so the emotions the OP has are somewhat fresh. No one was abrasive about this but you.
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