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This story is a little long but I would appreciate it if everyone could bare with me as this situation is driving me insane. Me and this girl have been friends for around 7 years. We both went to high school together and are now both seniors at the same university. We are friends with the same people, our siblings are friends with each other, her family loves me, etc. We have always been strictly platonic friends and even though I always thought she was attractive, I never saw her in a romantic way. This all changed around a year ago when she started flirting with me pretty heavily. The flirting would always get more intense when alcohol was involved. But, I always thought it was just us being friendly with each other. After a few months of us flirting, we ended up planning a pseudo-date where the two of us made plans to go eat dinner at a restaurant. By this point, I had started to develop feelings for her but I was really confused as I had never seen her that way before and I never told anyone that I liked her. The day of the pseudo-date comes around and I texted her. She took several hours to get back to me and flaked out on our plans.
Thoroughly confused, I figured that she just wanted to remain friends. A few weeks went by without us talking much. Then, contact with her started picking up again and we made plans to go to a party together in a few days. She was dropping hints that she wanted me to be her date to the party. But, I was tired of feeling like she was only using me for attention. So, I flaked out on going to the party and went out to a bar with my friends instead. I was texting her for a while that night and she was trying to get me to come to the party but I didn't want to. I told her that I wanted to see her but I couldn't get a ride there. I ended up getting really drunk at the bar and was flirting heavily with a girl all night who I had some mutual friends with that I met there but nothing happened. I have a feeling that this information got back to her because all of my friends are also friends with her.
The next morning, I texted her apologizing for my behavior for the night before and said that I said some things only because I was drunk. She took all day to respond to me, which she literally never does as she is glued to her phone. This was around the time that Summer started. I tried contacting her several times but she would either take forever to respond or give me very short answers. So, I pretty much stopped talking to her for most of the Summer. We saw each other several times but she was very cold with me. It almost seemed like she was mad at me but I didn't understand why. Then, fall semester started and we didn't see each other for a few months. During this time, I had given up on my friend and started seeing a girl that I had met in the library. We were seeing each other for a month before the next time that I saw my friend one night at a party. She was noticably nicer to me and it seemed like we were back to how we used to be. I talked to her for a half hour or so and never mentioned the girl that I was seeing. I ended up having to leave the party early and she apparently began talking to one of my best friends who was also friends with her. He had always had kind of a thing for her but nobody really knew. I didn't talk to her for a few days after this and apparently, my best friend and her began talking more and ended up having sex a few days after the party.
I heard through some mutual friends that the next day, she really regretted sleeping with him and basically told him that they had to act like it never happened because it was a mistake. She was also apparently an emotional mess at the time as well. Her and my best friend have barely talked since that night and don't really bring up what happened. This was around 2 months ago. I saw her several times after this happened and she was acting very strange with me. She would be happy to see me but would then get in a really bad mood and be very cold with me again. I would always ask her why but she would never tell me. I saw her again a few nights ago and she was back to being nice to me and was even flirting with me. So, what exactly is this girl's deal?
Stick with the girl that you met at the library that can actually show up for dates with you, and let this girl go that seems to only function if a party is involved.
More importantly, don't waste your time on someone that has no problem sleeping with your best friend.
To answer your question what is her deal, I suspect she seeks attention, and will go to any lengths to get it.
How about talking to her face to face and asking her straight if she wants to go on a date.
If she says yes, make plans.
If you make plans and she cancels do not ask her again and do not accept any invitations from her again.
It is not as complicated as you are making it.
She either wants to be with you or she doesn't.
How about talking to her face to face and asking her straight if she wants to go on a date.
If she says yes, make plans.
If you make plans and she cancels do not ask her again and do not accept any invitations from her again.
It is not as complicated as you are making it.
She either wants to be with you or she doesn't.
This. Time for direct communication. Unless you like the girl your seeing. If you're into that girl, forget about this one. She hasn't really been a good friend. But if you want to clear the air, do so. As I always say, "When all else fails, communicate!"
How about talking to her face to face and asking her straight if she wants to go on a date.
If she says yes, make plans.
If you make plans and she cancels do not ask her again and do not accept any invitations from her again.
It is not as complicated as you are making it.
She either wants to be with you or she doesn't.
I won't tell you how to proceed, but I will tell you to consider your friend's behavior a HUGE warning.
If there is this much melo-drama just leading into the possibility of a dating this person, then you can probably imagine that a full-on relationship will involve much of the same.
I don't know her and I don't know you and I don't know what your friendship is like. It would be nice to be able to cut through the crap and get to the essence of things, but from your story it seems like immaturity and skewed priorities would be huge obstacles for the both of you.
You are both young and in college and partying and maybe not interested or ready for bringing anything real into a relationship.
My advice: If this is your life long friend, tread lightly and tread carefully.
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