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I was leaning towards "siding" with you until I saw your replies. Now I think the sister's concerns are spot on. You don't sound very mature or stable. The aggressive way you write rubs people the wrong way even if you might had a legitimate reason to be upset.
Well, maybe she picked up on the OP's insecurity and controlling nature displayed in this thread and was concerned? Nowhere did the OP indicate that his fiancee changed her mind because her sister asked if she was sure.
Yes, but to say her sister has NO influence on her sibling is silly.
Everyone we allow in to our lives has an influence on us.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rego00123
Why do you think she asked?
Because she wanted to know if her sister was certain. It's an important decision. I'm actually surprised that kin do not ask these things. I'm not even close to my family and they ask me about my reasoning (well into my 30s/40s) when making big decisions. It's just a thing people do for those they care about.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Steve wind far
Well I can find someone else as well who has a mind of their own and be ready for sure when asked a proposal question
Please, you don't want someone with a mind of their own, you want someone to entirely agree with you.
I was leaning towards "siding" with you until I saw your replies. Now I think the sister's concerns are spot on. You don't sound very mature or stable. The aggressive way you write rubs people the wrong way even if you might had a legitimate reason to be upset.
Well you don't know the whole story do you cant make a decision like that's. Have you been in person with my fiancé and me ? NO!!!!!!!!
If she has decided to proceed with her plan to marry you, for whatever reason, it would appear that her sister's doubts are, in fact, NOT influencing her that much. Going to one's siblings for advice (or having it offered in an unsolicited manner) does not necessarily mean that the advice is ultimately heeded. Close as my sister and I are, there are things I'd take her advice on, and things I wouldn't, at my own discretion...same as advice from anybody else...take what makes sense to me into consideration, and disregard what I judge as off-base.
Exactly. When my sister decided to quit her job and move to a different city to marry her long-distance boyfriend, a lot of people in our family asked her, "Is this really what you want?" because it was such a big step and a drastic change. She told us that if she didn't make this move she'd always regret it. So we wished her well. There was no malice (intended or taken) in my asking the question, and she knows that we love and support her no matter what.
That doesn't change the fact that a romantic relationship is between the two people in it. No one else should be involved or question it unless there is evidence of something heinous going on.
When you marry, you marry your spouse. That's the person you live with day in and day out. No one else can know the true dynamics of what goes on between you, and no one else knows what goes on behind closed doors. Nor should they, in my opinion. Cleave unto and all of that happy hooey.
It's interesting to me that so many people here are saying what you're saying, but are also the same people who turn around and say not to involve other people in their relationships. "If you have a problem with your spouse, you should talk to your spouse about it" is a common bit of advice here. I would be quite chapped if someone I dated or married discussed our relationship or marriage with his family. Like it or not, if there is so much as a hint of trouble, that pits the family against the spouse.
Just like it did here.
You're kidding yourself if you think it's just two people. Those two have friends and family that influence the relationship. That's just reality. Even if you don't share much, people influence the relationship directly and indirectly, especially when the couple is young. They'll learn over time what is appropriate to share.
I agree that ideally the couple would not confide in others, but it takes most couples time to work out their own communications and boundaries.
Because she wanted to know if her sister was certain. It's an important decision. I'm actually surprised that kin do not ask these things. I'm not even close to my family and they ask me about my reasoning (well into my 30s/40s) when making big decisions. It's just a thing people do for those they care about.
And that is influence.
It's an outside source affecting your thinking/judgment
I'm not saying anything about the OP becuase he can speak for himself for everyone to draw their own conclusions on the type of person he is.
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