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I am very new to this concept; However i did a research for the meaning of the word. I found that it basically means to have multiple sexual partners.
Polyamory is a very broad term.
For many, you can have a romantic relationship with more than one partner. Often these types of relationships look very much like a marriage but with multiple partners; love, children, family are very important aspects to the relationship.
It isn't necessarily about multiple sexual partners such as open relationships (me included).
Whatever the case, the people in the relationship define the relationship.
In your instance, I am assuming that you want to share sexual encounter with multiple partners.
There is a continuum of desires there I imagine. But I feel the majority of people who speak on this subject are not talking about merely having multiple sexual partners - but an ongoing relationship with multiple people.
Multiple sexual partners is just "sleeping around" or "an open relationship" in some cases. I think on this topic people are however envisioning situations where an ongoing relationship is maintained outside the more common two person configuration that the majority have.
As such the problem of STDs is no more or less an issue in such relationships per se - as in a committed relationship of any kind that problem normalises itself. And the "problem" of emotional attachment which you mention is not actually a problem - but a goal and an ideal.
So it is interesting that with a continuum of experience residing under one umbrella term - one attribute can be a "problem" at one end of that continuum and very much the ideal at the other.
I remember watching a documentary once about a family formed by two or three women and a man. It was long time ago, so I have forgotten most of it, but I've never been able to forget the words of a woman who said how hurt she felt when her partner brought the second woman in their home and that she actually needed 10 years until the presence of the other woman stopped being a reason of deep daily sufferance for her. She seemed to have found her peace and the two women looked like good friends that cared for each other, but what was the price for that?
A monogamous couple is less and less a recipe for happiness because of the exaggerated expectations we have nowadays in a relationship, the little tolerance and the fact that we don't understand that having a relationship and a family is hard work and it requires personal sacrifice, but a multiple partners relationship is even less. The insecurities and jealousy those people must feel at least occasionally must be tremendous, and all this because they overestimated romantic love or physical attraction and let themselves carried away in an excessive relationship. If people didn't let themselves ruled by their emotions and built their personal identity on healthy worthy ideals and if they accepted that every relationship has it strong and weak points, there would be no reason for damaging excessive relationships.
I also doubt that men with several female partners who so strongly speak in favor of polyamory would accept a second or third man to be part of their relationship.
I remember watching a documentary once about a family formed by two or three women and a man. It was long time ago, so I have forgotten most of it, but I've never been able to forget the words of a woman who said how hurt she felt when her partner brought the second woman in their home and that she actually needed 10 years until the presence of the other woman stopped being a reason of deep daily sufferance for her. She seemed to have found her peace and the two women looked like good friends that cared for each other, but what was the price for that?
A monogamous couple is less and less a recipe for happiness because of the exaggerated expectations we have nowadays in a relationship, the little tolerance and the fact that we don't understand that having a relationship and a family is hard work and it requires personal sacrifice, but a multiple partners relationship is even less. The insecurities and jealousy those people must feel at least occasionally must be tremendous, and all this because they overestimated romantic love or physical attraction and let themselves carried away in an excessive relationship. If people didn't let themselves ruled by their emotions and built their personal identity on healthy worthy ideals and if they accepted that every relationship has it strong and weak points, there would be no reason for damaging excessive relationships.
I also doubt that men with several female partners who so strongly speak in favor of polyamory would accept a second or third man to be part of their relationship.
The only way I could be "polyamorous" is if it involved one or two other men - NO OTHER FEMALES! LOL
Seriously, I know a guy who told me that when he was a lot younger and in a relationship, his GIRLFRIEND actually brought another woman into the relationship, and then got jealous when he developed feelings for her. She got ANGRY with him for it and blamed him for allowing this relationship, and is angry to this day even though they are now married to other people! So I think, overall it has way too many problems.
A single person with multiple partners is still polyamory (many loves). If one wants multiple partners, one should find partners who are comfortable in that type of relationship.
how hurt she felt when her partner brought the second woman in their home and that she actually needed 10 years until the presence of the other woman stopped being a reason of deep daily sufferance for her.
She was "brought in"? It sounds almost like buying a pet. It also sounds like there was minimal - if any - consultation with her when her partner did this. This therefore hardly sounds like the kind of relationship I would want to be in or would ever enter or maintain. It sounds horrific.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BlazingStars
a multiple partners relationship is even less. The insecurities and jealousy those people must feel at least occasionally must be tremendous, and all this because they overestimated romantic love or physical attraction and let themselves carried away in an excessive relationship.
I am in such a relationship myself - being the M in an MFF relationship - two kids, more planned - a house and garden and pets and the works. There is nothing "excessive" about us or the relationship - nor have there been even minor issues with insecurity or jealousy - let alone "tremendous" ones we "must" feel as you put it above.
But the formation of our relationship was natural - fluid - and evolved out of itself. Unlike the documentary you mention above nothing was "arranged" or no one "brought in". And it is my suspicion that non-standard relationships work much better when they arise naturally like that - and less well if arranged - forced - or contrived in some way.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BlazingStars
I also doubt that men with several female partners who so strongly speak in favor of polyamory would accept a second or third man to be part of their relationship.
To be honest if you had asked me about such a relationship before I entered it - I would have said it was not for me. And if you ask me about adding more people to it now - male or female - I would just as readily now say that would not be for me.
The difference being that accepting things with foresight differs wildly from accepting things that have happened in the moment - or in retrospect. Our relationship evolved quite naturally and I relish it. But I would be as against adding a 4th person - of either sex - at this time - in much the exact same way as the majority of people in couples would reject the idea of a 3rd of either sex too.
So I would not read _too_ much into what you think people would accept or reject if the idea was put before them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by gypsychic
If one wants multiple partners, stay single.
That advice only applies to sexual encounters really. It does not apply to someone who wants to be in an actual relationship - where the "stay single" advice simply is not applicable.
It would suck to have to give up a few nights of luvin' to the other wife, but man... the idea of having an extra set of grown up hands to pitch in with the grunt work sounds quite appealing.
It would suck to have to give up a few nights of luvin' to the other wife, but man... the idea of having an extra set of grown up hands to pitch in with the grunt work sounds quite appealing.
I know, I tell the man if she can cook and do laundry, she can stay.
I know, I tell the man if she can cook and do laundry, she can stay.
And as long as she's not as cute.
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