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Take the hint. She wants nothing to do with you. Don't stalk her. Delete her number, her email and do not contact her. She won't contact you again, if she does, ignore her.
I know it sounds hard but this is probably the best advice you'll get here. I'm really sorry, man. Relationships are tough.
Unfortunately, just like with any post made by anyone at anytime, we always get the poster's perspective.
There are always 2 sides to every coin.
Go back and take a look at what you may have done wrong.
If you find something, work on it for the next relationship.
I know it sounds hard but this is probably the best advice you'll get here. I'm really sorry, man. Relationships are tough.
It is harsh. But it will save you trouble and headache down the road. Can you say "protection order." Avoid landing in hot water. The sooner you do this the quicker you heal and feel better.
You dated, she decided she wanted someone else, got bored with you, whatever. Its over, call her, get your stuff, and turn your back on her. Anything more is just putting yourself through more misery. People today are always trying to upgrade, even when they're married. They're constantly on the look out for better jobs, etc. Some, are constantly looking to upgrade when it comes to their mates/partners. The reality is, she didn't really love you.
Sorry man! These things just doesn't happen over night; the cheating was months in the making, she just now recently had the spine to tell you. And I'm sure, it wasn't a total blindside.
*Imperative, theres no contact after you get things sorted out.
Btw: You dont want this kind of woman back, believe me. Give it a year, and you'll back and shake your head.
Sorry bud, being blindsided sucks. It will get better I swear. For your stuff, I'd have a mutual friend pick it up.
In my experience getting back together after a break up doesn't work in the long run. The trust is no longer there, and subconscious resentment and anxiety are a bad foundation for a relationship.
Her actions are extremely cold, immature and disrespectful IMO. I wouldn't give her a second chance. Even if I believed in second chances.
Concentrate on yourself, your work, pick up a new hobby. Use your friends and family for support.
Put the stuff that reminds you of her away. You are seemed to be familiar with NC, so do that after logistics are settled. Move the stuff that reminds you of her in a box out of sight. Don't cyberstalk, don't answer her "breadcrumbs".
Listen to some angry ex songs like "I really don't like you", I had it running non stop for a week post break up.
First off, I am sorry... it stinks, it sucks, but your best bet is to do the same as she did (cut off all contact and try to forget about her). It won't be easy, but you'll get through it in time.
I would like to say that every time I've been "blindsided," I figured out in retrospect that what really happened is I was wearing rose-colored glasses and ignoring what in retrospect where obvious signs. Granted, I hate that some expect you to "read signs" instead of communicating (and that's on them). But some people are just that way and you have to deal with them as best you can.
I learned this about myself by thinking back on the relationship and all the things I chose to ignore. And believe, me, I've done some face palms thinking, "how could I ignore that when it's plain for everyone to see?"
Things with this woman are over. I am NOT saying any of this is "your fault" by any stretch. But you have to recognize where your weaknesses are when it comes to reading people. Either you didn't see signs that she wasn't happy with things or didn't take the relationship as serious as you did OR she was a complete psychopath (and you didn't see that either). The best you can do is focus on yourself (to help yourself in the future... so this kind of thing doesn't happen again). Step back and think critically about the relationship and her. Learn to recognize "why" you didn't see it coming. "how" you ignored signs that things were going south so you don't repeat that mistake in the future/you can correct a problem brewing in a relationship or cut yourself lose before you get too attached to the other person. In the process, try to focus on "why" she was never good for you in the first place (as a way of showing yourself that things aren't really all bad now that she's gone... because they aren't. Any reasonable person would have tried to talk to you about problems first, before finding someone else and leaving. She's cold and cruel).
Good luck and hang in there. I've been there and I feel for you.
Last edited by TMBGBlueCanary; 06-08-2015 at 08:28 AM..
My girlfriend of five years just surprised me with the break up that I didn't see coming. The day prior, everything seems fine nothing usual as far as behavior or interaction. The next day, not a word from her nor text and it wasn't until I persisted that she answers her phone. She said "I met somebody else , we are breaking up, don't call me".
Needless to say I was (am devastated) and hit me at a time for my stress level is very high. Two days later I want to talk to her seeking some kind of answer, all she said was she doesn't have to answer anything. She has blocked me on Facebook and my phone number yet still allows me to have a key to her house meaning she hasn't change the locks. Not trying to read into anything been really trying to understand, I've been staying away giving her her space yet I hope in time that there may be a chance (I know what you all will say) again sometime in the future. We have known each other for 20 years and only recently do we finally start going out. There are some things in our respective lives that we need to work on, however I think the stress of everything was too much for both of us and perhaps A needed break was in order. Perhaps this "break" will be of some benefit... I dunno. We are too close (of friends) to not be friends...
Just trying to make sense of it all... trying to stay busy in the face of no contact; we will soon have to talk because I have some personal effects at her house that I still have to pick up. Staying away, giving her space.
I know I'll get a shellacking but, could it be possible that we may get back? What are the chances... it could happen...
Your supportive replies good or bad (but not negative) are welcome.
Thank you in advance...
After five years, that's the explanation you get?
Seems like you're well rid of her, she doesn't even have the respect to end it in person...believe me you're better off without her.
Matadora,
We've known each other since high school, but itching came about because we (at the time) were going out with other people. She married the guy shortly there after and raised a family. Fast fwd. 20+ years, they divorced, she dated one guy for 6mo, broke up w/him and then we ran into each other.
I say blind sided bc all was fine up to that point. A nice dinner date, dancing to sings we played on a juke (we were the only ones) and just in general her actions and demeanor. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. I really didn't see this one coming... Right before finals too...
• I know she hasn't changed the locks because a frond told me, NO I haven't been by and I've stayed clear from her domicile, places we might run into each other. I've pretty much have disappeared...
• I'm not one to wear rose colored glasses, I'm pretty real and communicated well using "we" and not "you" "me/I". Perhaps it's her lack of relationship experience... I'm the second she's been with after her 20 year marriage.
•Yes after 5 years I felt like I was nobody to her. Not that there is a "perfect break up" but c'mon... sit down and talk.
•yes working on myself, trying to stay busy...
Thank you, your comments are welcome, helpful and insightful.
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