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I doubt anyone really cares (I barely even care anymore) but this has been stewing for a few years now and I'm just going to get it off my chest. I think I just straight up don't understand dating. Like, I have this idea in my head of what people's motivations are, and why/how a romantic relationship is supposed to exist, but when it comes to the actual application in real life, I'm at a complete loss for words on what the hell anyone's even doing.
Allow me to explain...
In my late teens and early twenties, my experience with relationships was largely that girls wanted them, and I didn't. Immaturity was abound, girls were unbelievably clingy/needy, and virtually everyone I knew was still at least partially (though most were fully) financially dependent on their parents. I honestly don't know how anyone ever took that crap seriously. Moving on.
As I progressed through my mid-twenties, I was happy to see that things were generally more adult-like, but I always felt that my primary responsibility at that time was to work on my career and make sure that I could actually be the kick-ass dude I saw myself being in my future relationship/family. There were again several opportunities for a relationship to start during this time, but with the exception of one girl whom I would have done almost anything to be with, nothing was really compelling enough to prioritize over my other goals. As strange as it sounds, I often felt that I wasn't even really able to have a girlfriend at that time, because without more financial security, I could neither present myself in the way that I wanted nor be certain that I would be able to provide for a family should things move in that direction.
Right around when I turned 28, I had finally found myself in a position to comfortably invest in a relationship. I had moved to a new city, my career had elevated to a new level of success, my friends were married and far away (taking less of my free time) and most important of all -- I actually wanted to be in one! As an attractive guy with a great personality and a lot to look forward to, I thought it was going to be easy. Until I started dating, that is...
Fast-forward to today (I'm 30) and what I've found is nothing but an endless stream of flummoxing scenarios. There hasn't been one straightforward, zero-drama experience. This last girl for instance, has no problems texting me updates from her work all day (with pics), asking me how I'm doing, etc. but won't kiss me after 4 dates? After the date I text "thanks/take care" (in courteous fashion) and go to bed ready to move on, but the next day she sends this ridiculously long e-mail describing how I've taken her by surprise and she's having trouble putting together her feelings, etc... Seriously? You're 32 years old and this is how you're operating?
Meanwhile, if all I want is sex, I can pretty much just walk down to the bar on any night of the week or take one of the many friends I have up on their offer(s).
Anyway, makes no sense to me. I don't get people, dating, or relationships.
I suspect that the ease with which you have access to sex is a major influence on your views on dating and relationships in general. Most men (I'd say 95% or so - especially in this forum) are decidedly NOT in the same boat as you. A casual perusal of the posts here just over the past couple months will make this readily apparent.
Most of the guys that I've known over the years who could get laid easily were like this - they saw no point in anything serious until they hit about 40 or so, in some cases even later.
The older you get, the less able you are to learn new things, like how to relate to people. If you want a relationship, I think you will be best suited with a woman like you: aloof, analytical, probably not particularly into romance or other frivolity. More gregarious and empathetic types are just not going to "get" you.
Like, I have this idea in my head of what people's motivations are, and why/how a romantic relationship is supposed to exist, but when it comes to the actual application in real life, I'm at a complete loss for words on what the hell anyone's even doing.
... I always felt that my primary responsibility at that time was to work on my career and make sure that I could actually be the kick-ass dude I saw myself being in my future relationship/family. There were again several opportunities for a relationship to start during this time, but with the exception of one girl whom I would have done almost anything to be with, nothing was really compelling enough to prioritize over my other goals.
As strange as it sounds, I often felt that I wasn't even really able to have a girlfriend at that time, because without more financial security, I could neither present myself in the way that I wanted nor be certain that I would be able to provide for a family should things move in that direction.
Right around when I turned 28, I had finally found myself in a position to comfortably invest in a relationship.
As an attractive guy with a great personality and a lot to look forward to, I thought it was going to be easy. Until I started dating, that is...
It makes sense to me.
Blame it on the parts in bold ^^^^^.
You had expectations. They didn't work out. Kick-ass dudes adapt and move forward.
I doubt anyone really cares (I barely even care anymore) but this has been stewing for a few years now and I'm just going to get it off my chest. I think I just straight up don't understand dating. Like, I have this idea in my head of what people's motivations are, and why/how a romantic relationship is supposed to exist, but when it comes to the actual application in real life, I'm at a complete loss for words on what the hell anyone's even doing.
Allow me to explain...
In my late teens and early twenties, my experience with relationships was largely that girls wanted them, and I didn't. Immaturity was abound, girls were unbelievably clingy/needy, and virtually everyone I knew was still at least partially (though most were fully) financially dependent on their parents. I honestly don't know how anyone ever took that crap seriously. Moving on.
As I progressed through my mid-twenties, I was happy to see that things were generally more adult-like, but I always felt that my primary responsibility at that time was to work on my career and make sure that I could actually be the kick-ass dude I saw myself being in my future relationship/family. There were again several opportunities for a relationship to start during this time, but with the exception of one girl whom I would have done almost anything to be with, nothing was really compelling enough to prioritize over my other goals. As strange as it sounds, I often felt that I wasn't even really able to have a girlfriend at that time, because without more financial security, I could neither present myself in the way that I wanted nor be certain that I would be able to provide for a family should things move in that direction.
Right around when I turned 28, I had finally found myself in a position to comfortably invest in a relationship. I had moved to a new city, my career had elevated to a new level of success, my friends were married and far away (taking less of my free time) and most important of all -- I actually wanted to be in one! As an attractive guy with a great personality and a lot to look forward to, I thought it was going to be easy. Until I started dating, that is...
Fast-forward to today (I'm 30) and what I've found is nothing but an endless stream of flummoxing scenarios. There hasn't been one straightforward, zero-drama experience. This last girl for instance, has no problems texting me updates from her work all day (with pics), asking me how I'm doing, etc. but won't kiss me after 4 dates? After the date I text "thanks/take care" (in courteous fashion) and go to bed ready to move on, but the next day she sends this ridiculously long e-mail describing how I've taken her by surprise and she's having trouble putting together her feelings, etc... Seriously? You're 32 years old and this is how you're operating?
Meanwhile, if all I want is sex, I can pretty much just walk down to the bar on any night of the week or take one of the many friends I have up on their offer(s).
Anyway, makes no sense to me. I don't get people, dating, or relationships.
I'm in a similar situation to you. I don't find it particularly difficult to get laid. I find it very easy to get laid from bars, especially.
I also don't really see the point in having a relationship. I'm a very analytical guy. I know what I want and it completely baffles me why people focus so much on a fleeting feeling, such as love, when there are more practical things to consider (financial security, likelihood of divorce, whether or not the person will make a good parent, etc).
Needless to say, I think that the vast majority of people are very immature and superficial in their beliefs.
I think that you just need to define what you want ("love", a family, just sex, etc) and then don't deal with the BS unless you think it will lead to that with someone potentially reliable.
And, if you don't find that desirable situation, meh, no harm done.
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