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how do you unintentionally go through someones laptop? OP you made the conscious decision to open up his files, and peruse them. of course he is going to be upset at what you did. how would you like it if you had someone go through YOUR laptop, and look at YOUR private pictures? it is a violation of a persons trust, so i can understand why he is upset.
I think this is one of those things where it probably wouldn't have bothered her so she didn't think about it. I'm the same way.
On a similar note - I once looked through one of my husband's yearbooks while I was on tour and was staying with his parents for a couple of days with out him. This was while we were engaged but before we were married. I had been there with him before but there was something kind of neat about staying in his room that he grew up in without him being there. Sort of like a glimpse into who he was way before I knew him. I saw his yearbooks on the shelf and looked through one of them. I loved seeing pics of him in high school and reading what his friends wrote to him! When I told him about it - he flipped out. He felt that I had violated his personal space. I honestly had no idea that he would be mad. If the situation had been reversed, I would have found it endearing that he was curious about my high school yearbook. Obviously, I had no ill intentions - I wasn't looking for anything bad about him. I just was fascinated by seeing who he was in high school! I apologized profusely (and admittedly confusedly) because even though it wouldn't have been a big deal to me at all, it was obviously a big deal to him. He forgave me and we worked through it. I don't have a lot of boundaries - I'm a very open person. My husband was a lot more closed off and private before he met me. I'm not sure if he would care anymore if I looked through one of his yearbooks - but now, I'd probably ask first!
But the important thing was that we talked through everything. I understood that he felt that I had violated his personal space and he understood that I didn't mean to. As a couple - there are always going to be things that go wrong. Everyone has different ideas or what is okay to say or do - and sometimes it takes a mistake to know about them. It's how you deal with these things that lets you know how you are going to do as a couple.
Wow. Yeah, it would never occur to me that someone would get mad about me looking at their yearbook. I have a few boxes with stuff from my school days, senior pictures, yearbooks, awards, etc. If my husband wants to look at them, he is more than welcome.
I think this is one of those things where it probably wouldn't have bothered her so she didn't think about it. I'm the same way.
I guess I'm the same way. If something is on my laptop and I loan it to someone, I have only myself to blame if that person sees what's on my laptop. She was alone all day in a foreign country with his laptop for entertainment. Right or wrong, I can kind of see how it could happen.
Like you said with your example, people need to actually talk to each other and discuss their boundaries. The temper tantrum, silent treatment business is just childish.
Here is the problem.... To open up someone's files/folders on their computer is an invasion of privacy. You did apologize. I think it is hard for your boyfriend to believe you when you told him that you didn't do it intentionally. I don't really believe you either. (sorry) It really doesn't matter that what I believe, because I am not your bf. I do think that he may have been able to be more forgiving if you just were honest with him and said, "You know what honey? Yes, I did go through your files. I know it was wrong when you trusted me with your laptop and I did such a thing. I am sorry. It will never happen again."
Where it stands now, it sounds like your bf may think you not only violated his privacy, you lied to him about your intentions.
Good luck.
I think this is one of those things where it probably wouldn't have bothered her so she didn't think about it. I'm the same way.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheBeagleLady
I guess I'm the same way. If something is on my laptop and I loan it to someone, I have only myself to blame if that person sees what's on my laptop. She was alone all day in a foreign country with his laptop for entertainment. Right or wrong, I can kind of see how it could happen.
Like you said with your example, people need to actually talk to each other and discuss their boundaries. The temper tantrum, silent treatment business is just childish.
in my opinion, if someone loans me their laptop for a specific purpose, such as allowing me to check my email, and do net stuff, i will NOT peruse the rest of their files no matter how tempting it may be. that is their private stuff, not mine.
now if they give me permission to look at the rest of their files, i might do that, or not. but without that express permission, i dont invade their privacy.
I can definitely relate. My husband is a very open, let-it-all-hang-out kind of guy, but I'm intensely private. Living with other people can be difficult for me, so one of the few things that means a lot is to have my boundaries and privacy respected. I have nothing to hide (well, maybe a couple of personal things, but nothing too shocking), but I also wouldn't go through anyone else's drawers, phone, computer, etc because it just feels so invasive. IDK, maybe I take it too seriously.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76
That's how I took it as well.
On a similar note - I once looked through one of my husband's yearbooks while I was on tour and was staying with his parents for a couple of days with out him. This was while we were engaged but before we were married. I had been there with him before but there was something kind of neat about staying in his room that he grew up in without him being there. Sort of like a glimpse into who he was way before I knew him. I saw his yearbooks on the shelf and looked through one of them. I loved seeing pics of him in high school and reading what his friends wrote to him! When I told him about it - he flipped out. He felt that I had violated his personal space. I honestly had no idea that he would be mad. If the situation had been reversed, I would have found it endearing that he was curious about my high school yearbook. Obviously, I had no ill intentions - I wasn't looking for anything bad about him. I just was fascinated by seeing who he was in high school! I apologized profusely (and admittedly confusedly) because even though it wouldn't have been a big deal to me at all, it was obviously a big deal to him. He forgave me and we worked through it. I don't have a lot of boundaries - I'm a very open person. My husband was a lot more closed off and private before he met me. I'm not sure if he would care anymore if I looked through one of his yearbooks - but now, I'd probably ask first!
But the important thing was that we talked through everything. I understood that he felt that I had violated his personal space and he understood that I didn't mean to. As a couple - there are always going to be things that go wrong. Everyone has different ideas or what is okay to say or do - and sometimes it takes a mistake to know about them. It's how you deal with these things that lets you know how you are going to do as a couple.
I don't really think there is much you can do at this point. Hopefully you've learned a lesson. I've always felt that even if you are in a relationship you are still entitled to a certain amount of privacy, I don't believe you have to be an open book with everything and it doesn't necessarily mean you have something to hide. It's about respecting another person's privacy. I had to buy a new laptop a few months ago because it quit working, and my GF was nice enough to let me use hers. I would never in a million years go looking into files or programs that I had no business looking in.
in my opinion, if someone loans me their laptop for a specific purpose, such as allowing me to check my email, and do net stuff, i will NOT peruse the rest of their files no matter how tempting it may be. that is their private stuff, not mine.
now if they give me permission to look at the rest of their files, i might do that, or not. but without that express permission, i dont invade their privacy.
I wouldn't either. However, I can see how someone might be curious about photos saved to the desktop. If one is concerned about privacy, they probably shouldn't have private documents and photos on their desktop.
I wouldn't either. However, I can see how someone might be curious about photos saved to the desktop. If one is concerned about privacy, they probably shouldn't have private documents and photos on their desktop.
i too can see how one would be curious about what pictures and other stuff someone has on their computer, and if they are curious, then they need to wait and ask if they can go through those files. suppose she was looking at pictures of an old girlfriend instead of the boyfriends private parts?
sorry guys, I just unintentionally just posted in this thread.
Forgive me
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