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Tonight I was with a woman I was casually dating. She had been acting funny the last few weeks, in that [her] conversations were vague. Now, there was chemistry in the first few weeks we were dating, and yes, we'd slept together a couple of times.
Now, I'm no "drive-by", meaning that I'm NOT one to sleep with a woman and then dump her. I didn't want friendzone, neither did she (or so she claims). We'd been dating since May, going out once a week, all seemed good. Pleasant conversations, kissing, etc.
A couple of weeks ago, I asked her where are we going with this. She said, "You're doing everything right...being a real man..." etc. But what raised the red flag was: "I don't want to hurt you." You see, she'd been talking to another guy, and began to get feelings for him - only, that guy friendzoned her! So she was upset over that.
So tonight, it was the ultimatum, if you will. I asked her one last time, "Do you want to continue dating or not?" And I wanted a straight Yes or No. She said, "I'm just not sure..." and with that, I said, "Goodnight!" cutting her off midsentence. She started to say something, but I said, "If you change your mind, you know where to find me, but I can't have flakiness and indecisiveness. Goodnight and good luck in your future endeavors." With that, I drove home, unfriended her, deleted her number from my phone, etc.
As mentioned, walk away, and not look back. Were my actions hasty?
Two weeks ago she dropped the bombshell on you, but you knew in your gut something wasn't right based on her behavior (like I always say, humans have evolved over millions of years to develop red flags in their bodies, trust them).
You should have nipped the bud right there, not by giving her an ultimatum and storming off, but by simply ghosting her. Or moving on with your life and making no effort to contact her, quietly.
I'm not saying I don't understand the anger and hurt from this situation, but once a guy loses control of himself like you did in her presence, you just gave up all the power to her. And this girl, despite her words, doesn't really even care about you.
And your final words to her about if she changes her mind she'll know where to find you, and then storming off, I'm thinking you were hoping that this would send her the message and soon she'll be begging and groveling on her knees for you to take her back.
I know this isn't what you want to hear, but you have to move on bro. Don't sacrifice any more of your self respect and dignity over something that wasn't there. Don't sit there and brood over this and check your phone every few minutes wondering if she'll contact you and beg you to take her back. Even if on the off chance she does, someone that treats you with such disrespect doesn't deserve any second or third chances at all.
I agree with your actions 100%. Just don't make the mistake of going back and trying to form a long term relationship with her because she might bail later if someone else comes along.
1. I should've just ghosted on her. Let her contact me if she wants to see or talk to me.
2. My telling her that if she changes her mind...would probably convey (to her) that I hope she relents and does contact me. I will say that if she does - emphasis on the word IF - I most likely will be with someone else. You snooze, you lose.
3. Losing my temper was rather childish. I may have just shown the mentality of a boy, and not a man.
Either way, I look at it like this: If they don't appreciate you, they don't deserve you!
1. I should've just ghosted on her. Let her contact me if she wants to see or talk to me.
2. My telling her that if she changes her mind...would probably convey (to her) that I hope she relents and does contact me. I will say that if she does - emphasis on the word IF - I most likely will be with someone else. You snooze, you lose.
3. Losing my temper was rather childish. I may have just shown the mentality of a boy, and not a man.
Either way, I look at it like this: If they don't appreciate you, they don't deserve you!
If you ghosted, that would also be childish behaviour. You don't have to become a douche just because someone else behaves like one. You should be able to hold your head high, knowing you did the right thing.
Most people would have been equally upset at her responses so I don't think that was childish at all. You can't be expected to keep smiling whilst someone is being shady.
Personally I would have left out the changing her mind bit, but it's done. Focus on finding someone else.
So tonight, it was the ultimatum, if you will. I asked her one last time, "Do you want to continue dating or not?" And I wanted a straight Yes or No. She said, "I'm just not sure..." and with that, I said, "Goodnight!" cutting her off midsentence. She started to say something, but I said, "If you change your mind, you know where to find me, but I can't have flakiness and indecisiveness. Goodnight and good luck in your future endeavors." With that, I drove home, unfriended her, deleted her number from my phone, etc.
I don't think your actions were particularly hasty as you had been dating for a while, so I can completely understand that you wanted a definite "yes" to your question after all this time.
BUT I think how you handled the situation was a little ... rude. I really don't think she did anything that justified cutting her off midsentence and walking out on her.
I don't think your actions were particularly hasty as you had been dating for a while, so I can completely understand that you wanted a definite "yes" to your question after all this time.
BUT I think how you handled the situation was a little ... rude. I really don't think she did anything that justified cutting her off midsentence and walking out on her.
Maybe was a bit rude but wasn't she just as rude to string someone along for several weeks? Only to act flaky and not give a direct answer? That's not very mature on her part, wouldn't you think?
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