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Best case, he declines the new job, cancels the move, stays in town at the same job, and you start dating - and become the subject of office gossip you were so desperate to avoid.
What good will it do for you? Do you think he will stay so he can date you? Very likely not. Do you think you would strike up a relationship with him being clear across country? Very likely not. Do you think he will ask you to move with him? Very likely not.
Im not sure if any good can happen with you dumping this on him now. Fortunately its very easily to keep in touch with people, so wish him well, and if you want, email or text him. He may stay in communication as he may be lonely at his new job, but he will likely meet new people and create a new life out there.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by troymclure
Definitely tell him.
Best case, he declines the new job, cancels the move, stays in town at the same job, and you start dating - and become the subject of office gossip you were so desperate to avoid.
If a guy turns down a damn good job offer in 2015 for a woman he's only been seeing for a few months, I'd question the wisdom in dating him seriously.
Thank you. Yeah, I will have to be prepared for any outcome. It definitely will be for my peace of mind.
What about his peace of mind? IMO, it's selfish of you to say anything now that he's leaving.
I don't believe in dating coworkers but from his perspective you showed you weren't interested but now that he's leaving, you are suddenly interested? That seems manipulative and game-playing. This isn't the movies where the music swells and you run into each other's arms. He's packing up and preparing for a new job, new life, in a new place on the other side of the country. I think it's also a mistake to assume that because he was interested in you, that he still is, and would welcome you with open arms.
If you do tell him and he is receptive, get ready for the best few weeks of your life. On the other hand, the pain you'll feel after he leaves will be just as extreme as the good feelings you just had experienced. Trust me.
When I was faced with a major life decision many years ago, a good friend told me "it's better to regret something you did than something you didn't do." I've been living my life by those words since and it's working out so far, for the most part.
Come back and give us an update sometime. Good luck to you.
I would tell him and then keep in touch and see what happens.Maybe he jumped at the sudden offer because it was too painful for him to work with you day in and day out and know it wasn't going anywhere. But if you tell him that you had feelings for him all along, it might change his plans.
Also sometimes job changes don't work out. He could move across the country and then move back. There is nothing cut in stone about his move.
Also, assuming his family is in the local area, he will probably travel back during the winter to see them. That is only 6 months away. Give it 6 months to see if your feelings grow when he is long distance. If things work out with you and him, maybe he can move back in 2016 and find another new job.
Don't tell him as no good can come from it - at best you'll only transfer some of your "missed opportunity" burden to him and if he was still interested he wouldn't be moving across the country. Even if he was interested you can't start a relationship long distance. The only recourse is to learn from this - seize opportunities when they present themselves and don't fall for someone you don't/can't have.
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