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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
Reputation: 40635
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stagemomma
Honestly? This advice is better for those under 30. The notion that at 40something, a person who just stops looking will bump into their soul mate is a bit of a stretch. We go to work, live our lives, tend out children, yet rarely even meet any new eligible people in that rut. You really have to put yourself out there, positively and proactively, by targeting the right market and finding ways to jump into that market.
Very true. I've met people when I wasn't looking, but happens a couple of times a decade, at most. You have to be more proactive when you get older.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1986pacecar
OP, aren't you being a wee bit of a hypocrite when you expect a woman to accept your terms on where to live when you state that the woman you were engaged to you left for similar reasons? You want her to live where you live and leave her home and family while you are unwilling to do so yourself.
Actually hypocrisy seems to be your theme. You want a girl in her 20's while your in your 40's. You want her to give up everything to be where you are but you're unwilling to do so yourself. Do you see a theme?
First time poster. If this isn't an appropriate topic please delete.
Divorced 12 years ago, engaged 5 years ago, countless girlfriends in between. I can't find the one for me. I can't find a woman who I truly connect to. Now I'm lonely and I'm wondering if I'm going to end up spending the rest of my life alone. My family just encourages me to pick one and make a go of it, but I can't. I haven't met the girl that makes me want to invest my life in her.
Any advice?
Dude, I am 13 years older than you and I ask myself the same question from time to time. I was laughing while reading thru your posts because much like you, I have dated a couple mid twenty year olds, but not as many as you. They are a lot of fun. Non of the BS and games the older women play where I live, pretty straightforward gals. Hard to hold a conversation with them sometimes though. But, no future if you want to be honest with yourself.
I have come to the point where I am not even looking for a relationship, if it happens it happens. I have been divorced for 5 years and I am finally over it financially and emotionally and would love to find someone compatible to spend the rest of my life with. I have put off buying a house so that if I find someone, she can help me pick the place we could hopefully spend the rest of our lives in. There are days I seriously spend all day thinking/wondering about it. Other days I don't give it a second thought.
The grocery store is the hardest on me, when I see all those happy couples shopping together and there I am by myself. I don't know why but it really seems to get to me more than any other place. I can dine alone, watch a movie alone, etc etc, but that damn grocery store really seems to get to me.
Hang in there...you will be ok. I don't connect with most 40-50 year old women either, but I have opened up my thoughts to exploring the 40+ gals to see if I can find someone compatible. Like you, I don't seem to have much in common with the over 40 gals though, but I know there is one out there for me somewhere. I actually just met one who is almost my age that I think has potential. We will see.
I have dated a couple mid twenty year olds, but not as many as you. They are a lot of fun. Non of the BS and games the older women play where I live, pretty straightforward gals.
This is the first time I have ever heard of 20-something girls being straightforward and 30-something/40-something women playing games. All of my female friends and I were much more straightforward and much less interested in wasting our time with any type of games as we proceeded through our 30s and into our 40s.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by CapsChick
This is the first time I have ever heard of 20-something girls being straightforward and 30-something/40-something women playing games. All of my female friends and I were much more straightforward and much less interested in wasting our time with any type of games as we proceeded through our 30s and into our 40s.
There are far fewer games when dealing with late 30s and 40 yo ladies compared to dealing with 20 and early 30s ladies. It's not even freaking close. It's refreshing to deal with 40 somethings. Total straight shooters.
Dude, I am 13 years older than you and I ask myself the same question from time to time. I was laughing while reading thru your posts because much like you, I have dated a couple mid twenty year olds, but not as many as you. They are a lot of fun. Non of the BS and games the older women play where I live, pretty straightforward gals. Hard to hold a conversation with them sometimes though. But, no future if you want to be honest with yourself.
I have come to the point where I am not even looking for a relationship, if it happens it happens. I have been divorced for 5 years and I am finally over it financially and emotionally and would love to find someone compatible to spend the rest of my life with. I have put off buying a house so that if I find someone, she can help me pick the place we could hopefully spend the rest of our lives in. There are days I seriously spend all day thinking/wondering about it. Other days I don't give it a second thought.
The grocery store is the hardest on me, when I see all those happy couples shopping together and there I am by myself. I don't know why but it really seems to get to me more than any other place. I can dine alone, watch a movie alone, etc etc, but that damn grocery store really seems to get to me.
Hang in there...you will be ok. I don't connect with most 40-50 year old women either, but I have opened up my thoughts to exploring the 40+ gals to see if I can find someone compatible. Like you, I don't seem to have much in common with the over 40 gals though, but I know there is one out there for me somewhere. I actually just met one who is almost my age that I think has potential. We will see.
Do you find yourself not connecting with those women, because they're essentially in "kid, teenager, young adult" mode and you don't find yourself connecting in the same way? I'm in my 30s and I feel the same way about most single mom's, except for a very select few. I'm just not on the same wave length of having play dates with your kids. It just doesn't appeal to me. I will do dinner with a coworker and she'll bring her child along and it doesn't bother me at all, but I've also had years to build a friendship with her too. For a complete stranger, the kids just don't really appeal to me.
Maybe that's your problem. Either you didn't have kids, or they're grown and out of the house. For most women, they never stop being a parent to their kids. Where a man may be like if he wants to be stupid, he can be stupid on his own. For women, it's I can help him not be stupid. My mom still treats me like I'm 5, and I'm 31 years old. She even admits I'll never stop being a child in her eyes.
If I have to choose my family over my partner, then she's not the right partner. It's as simple as that. I understand that many people don't see it that way, but I guess you could just consider me "traditional."
If a woman doesn't want to live with me, around my family, then she simply shouldn't entertain the possibility of a long term relationship with me. I am very upfront with women about this. I make it clear that I will continue in the family business while caring for my parents as they get older. And when the que of the women trickle in and out of my life, my family will remain. And I'm supposed to give that up for a marriage, in this society?
I think this may be your issue right there. Every woman walking this planet, wants her man to treat her as #1 in his life. What you are telling them, while being very upfront about it, is that she will never be a priority in your life. Either find a way to be content with smashing 20 something hotties (not bad) or reevaluate your value system, because you will have a really hard time finding a quality woman who will accept your stance.
"smashing 20-something hotties" just made me laugh out loud. It reminds me something a teenager would say. Note: I am not remotely offended by the act, just highly amused by a grown man using that vernacular.
I am going to go along with the other posters and say if you haven't found "the right woman" you are being too picky. It's the same thing I'd tell a 42-year-old woman who is still single and not married because she can't "find a good guy."
Unless something fundamentally changes for you, you aren't going to find someone. What that is, I can't say.
One piece of advice I'd give you... stop artificially limiting your dating pool by age. Just go for women you like without assigning an age limit of 30 or whatever. Most people (and that includes most women) don't generally date much outside their generation. Sure, there are a few, but it's not the majority. By limiting your pool of women to the few 20-somethings who might be interested in a temporary fling with an older man, you limiting your chances of finding someone who might actually be interested in settling down. And as you get older, that pool of 20-somethings is going to shrink because it reaches a point where very few young women want to date "grandpa" when they can get a younger version of you in the next 40-something guy who pursues them.
I would also say that you probably need to limit your pool to people that grew up in the area and whose families still live in the area.
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