I wish I had waited to get married (long-term, mother-in-law, father-in-law)

[Akonyo]

Originally Posted by Meyerland

You will be done before you know it, and have the opportunity to travel as much as you want. Your children are young now, but that doesn't last forever.

If you feel trapped in your marriage, leave. Set up your own independent life and then travel on your own or with the kids.

We travel more with kids than we did without. We also travel without kids too. We just leave our child with family.

Very bad advice. Incredibly short-sighted. I would minus rep this post if I could.

[JustJulia]

Originally Posted by Scrat335

You can go to all the therapists you want and spend 100s if not 1000s of dollars but it won't change the fact that love is work, family is work. You can spend your days lamenting what you're missing, what was taken from you or you can accept that NOW you have 2 kids and a decent husband and a job to do.

I hope you realize that there are many people who would love to be in your position btw.

Don't let this crap eat you up. Your time is coming, it's 20 years down the road but it is coming. When I was 30 and a single father doing what I wanted was out of the question. All I had at one point was my daughter. What you're going through is normal. Billions have been there and done that.

Now at age 51 I am free to do almost anything I want, I can go live in the woods, run naked through the fields. I can dump this apartment and crash on my daughters sofa or live in her tool shed. My other daughter is moving here from Syracuse. I intend to live in her garage or park an 18ft trailer behind her house.

Your fun times are not NOW. This is your time to work. It's later in life that you can sponge off of THEM and take it easy, do what you want all the time.

Just be patient.

I agree. Having two small kids is rough! If you're up at 3 a.m., no wonder you are exhausted. You had your children early. I was in my early 20s too. Maybe it will be comforting to remember that you will be finishing up when some people are just getting started. Your time will come!

[Mikala43]

Look at it this way, you will be done raising the kids at an early age. Plan (don't obsess) over what you will do when they are gone, save money for it, keep yourself in good shape, try and get your husband on the band wagon...use all of this as a positive.

Things always look better on the other side, you could always be single and wishing for a family, you never know.

[MissClutterbuck]

I also notice, OP, that you don't mention your relationship with your husband. Is he good to you? Do you have a good relationship?

It's natural to look back at the path that we didn't take, but you do have a future ahead. Life doesn't end at 40.

[Chowhound]

Originally Posted by Scrat335

Your fun times are not NOW. This is your time to work. It's later in life that you can sponge off of THEM and take it easy, do what you want all the time.

Just be patient.

Now see, the bolded is complete horshyt.

Kids don't ask to be born, and I don't think parents should use them to supplement their 401k planning.....

I know because of my mothers poor financial planning I got stuck funding her life, this hurt me a lot financially I went into some pretty serious debt because if it , took me yrs to climb out of it.

It's nice to have family to help out and all, but damn.....

[Mikala43]

Mod cut: Orphaned.

I had to support my Mom for a long time. Why? Because as she stated so many times "You work too hard, I would never jeopardize my quality of life to work that hard." That applied to saving money too.

That's so awesome!!! So now she has the quality of life SHE worked for. Not good, not happy, not my problem.

[Chowhound]

Mod cut: Orphaned.

I said the kid(s) aren't asked to be born, so why do they have to be treated like some kind of financial planning vehicle.... I mean I get that the parents did put all the effort and energy and time and money etc etc etc, I get that, I just don't get people that appear to have to kids and expect them to take care of them in their old age, I mean I know that's how it's been done, I just think it's not fair to place a load on kids like that. I'm not saying that kids shouldn't help their parents, I just don't like the line of reasoning that they are supposed to be indentured servants.....

I know personally if I ever had kids I wouldn't use them and expect them to take care of me, at least financially. I had a coworker one time tell me the exact same line of reasoning, He asked if I had kids and I said no he said, "well, who's going to take care of you when older"

I mean is that a reason to have kids??? So someone can take care of me?????????

[RJ312]

OP-there are a lot of never married people in their late 20s and 30s that wish that they were married. These people might wish that there would have been a person in their lives that would have made sense as a long term fit. The grass is not always greener on the other side.

Kids are a different story. Perhaps your marriage might have been healthier if you had had more time as a childless couple. The childless couple stage is a great stage.

[weeblywobbly]

I'm *righthere* with you, OP, lol. Reading your post was a bit creepy because I could relate so much.

Don't get resentful. That's the most important thing. Don't look at your life and think 'could've, should've, would've.' You made your decisions, so find the joy in them. I don't say that condemn you, but to empower you, in a way. You're not powerless. You have to put yourself in the frame of mind to recognize the good in your life. What's your marriage like? Because if it's happy and stable (even with the rough patches, nothing severe), you're leaps and bounds ahead of a lot of people. Look at some of the posts in this subforum. A lot of people are looking for that one to spend the rest of their lives with. You've already passed that major hurdle.

You had children relatively young. It's ok, many people do. But you'll still be young when they're grown and you can do all the traveling you want to. As a matter of fact, if you're able to, as your kids gets older, you can take them along with you. Just keep the passion alive. Make it fun. Plan for the future. That's what DH and I do. You can involve the kids and teach them about different countries.

It's exhausting right now, but it's fortunate that you're young. Now's the best time to chase after little children and be kept up at all hours of the night. But they will grow up, in a few years actually, and things will settle down considerably. Then you'll have more time for yourself, your marriage, etc.

The important thing here is changing your mindset. Don't focus on what you're missing out on. Focus on what you have and what you can make of your life. Are there any hobbies you're interested in pursuing? Take as much time as you can for yourself, because the early years of child rearing is tiring and if you're not careful, you can loose yourself. However, it's very rewarding and the time does pass quickly. As my midwife said (she raised 5 boys, all born with 1-2 years of each other), the days are long but the years are short.

If you want, feel free to message me if you need to talk.

[Fargobound]

I feel sorry for the husband, because in the end if she feels this way he’ll end up burned. While I’m not a MGTOW yet I do understand after reading posts like this why the movement is growing.