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If theres one thing i learned in all my years of dating, my 2 long term relationships (12 years total), wearing my heart on my sleeve, in all my crying, longing, night insomnia wondering why/if, crying over the phone, questioning my self worth, overanalizing every word....if theres something i learned all this years of thinking love was giving and giving and suffering and enduring anything in order to be with your "soulmate", because that was what love was, well, i learned something that appears simple but for some reason can take time for some people to sink in. I know it took me a lot of time since i spent all my 20s "suffering" love through my relationships.
The lesson is: be with someone that LOVES you and thats men enough to own it. If he loves you and he is not a coward, everything will flow.
All the drama, the time taking, fake breaking up and getting back together, on and off, label no label, yada yada, all that GOES AWAY when you find a real man that really loves you. You should aim to that.
This thread makes me so sad. Why would you be with someone who cheated on you even once?
The relationship is already beyond repair. Add in all of the other stuff, especially him refusing to label you as his girlfriend despite living together, and there just doesn't seem to be any hope here. I'm so sorry.
It seems like you don't have much choice for an exit right now, so take the time while you find a job to try to build yourself up. Withdraw from him. Don't be his doormat anymore. You need to work on you.
This is a codependent relationship. It's not healthy. You are hanging on to him coz he is your safe place after all the abuse you have been through. It sounds like you've been through a lot so I can understand why you don't want to let go.
However, your boyfriend might have once loved you, but now he looks at you as more of someone he cares about and doesn't want to hurt & is indirectly trying to tell you that things are over between you. I would focus on getting a job, making new friends & being comfortable with myself. You will find someone else who can actually love you in the way you clearly want.
2) the perfect guy wouldnt be scared to say he has a girlfriend and that she is his girlfriend.
3) the perfect guy who loves someone would say "i love you".
4) the perfect guy does not creep out the door leaving his girlfriend alone on Saturday night without notice nor invitation, not coming back until 3am.
5) the perfect guy does not abandon your feelings.
6) the perfect guy would not neglect you sexually.
I've never been happier in my life than how I am when he and I are together.
So I should just give up the thing that makes me the happiest?
OP, you're not happy. Happy people don't need to come on C-D and start a thread to ask for advice about their "relationship." This situation sounds so sad for so many reasons. You're so young -- why would you settle for this? So you won't be single in your 40s? It isn't a case of either-or. You need to decide what you want for yourself. This guy is NOT meeting your needs and it's unlikely he ever will. You should hold out for someone who does.
If your sex drive suddenly dried up, you need to see a doctor. I find it very unlikely that he doesn't want sex anymore. He just doesn't want it with you.
As for the living situation, find an inexpensive room for rent. You don't need to get your own place; just find a room with some roommate(s). Focus on finding gainful employment. Work toward the life you want. This guy is only holding you back. Good luck.
Get a job and move out before his pity for you ends and he brings home one of the women he is most assuredly seeing and introduces her to you as his girlfriend.
Okay. Here is one issue I want to address. He went out and didn't say anything to you, you got upset, locked yourself in your room, and refused to talk to him. He asked you what was wrong the first time, and you ignored him. He didn't know what was wrong. So he went out again. And here you are wondering "Why hasn't he tried making me feel better?" Um, YOU DIDN"T COMMUNICATE YOUR FEELINGS. He doesn't know he'd doing anything wrong, and you are not telling him what is wrong. You are half of the problem. A healthy relationship is built on trust and communication. He is playing you, he's probably out and about. And you aren't communicating with him. He's not a mind reader!
You are dependent on another human being for your well being and happiness. That is a complete no no. Get out of that situation.
There's only one question you need to ask yourself. No if's buts or maybes. Right now, in your current situation, are you HAPPY. It's a yes or no question. No matter how great of friends you are, no matter what you think will happen in the future, if you have even one sliver of doubt or unhappiness, then he's not the right one for you.
You two are on different pages. You want one thing, he wants another. Nothing wrong with either, but a relationship only works when you two both agree on the status of your relationship. You are not going to change him.
So are you happy right now in your current situation? if that is a YES, then stay, If that is a NO, Leave. That's all there is to it. No rationalizing, so maybes. Nothing. Are you happy.
What a douche. You don't want to lose a guy who refers to you as a "person", rather than a gf, and who walks out on you on a Saturday evening without a word, staying out until 3 a.m.? Is there a reason why you didn't ask him where he went? He cheated on you once to "get back at you"? He doesn't tell you he loves you? This is what you don't want to lose? How do those actions "SHOW love"??
OK, so you're with him because you don't make enough money to pay your own rent? That's a very different story from : "his personality is the best fit for me of anyone I've been with my whole life" (you're only in your mid-20's).
This is not the guy for you. There are guys out there who will sincerely tell you they love you (once the dating gets to that point), and who won't walk out on you on a Sat. night without saying anything at all, before or after. His actions say he's not that into you. Get yourself a job that pays enough for at least a studio, or even a room in a shared place, and walk out on this guy, and don't look back. I wouldn't even give him the courtesy of explaining why. Don't let him sweet-talk his way back into your life (obviously, he's good at that, and you fall for it). Time for a serious reality check, OP.
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