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My fiance and I recently got into a fight. It's been about 15 days since we have not spoken properly. During our last conversation, he told me to 'let me live his live otherwise he'll destroy me, told me I was an idiot and always acted like a victim in every situation, to stop annoying him/calling him, and that he wasn't interested in seeing me, he was tired of my bull**** and refused to drag this '****' any longer.' In response, I didn't say anything (I never argue back - just stay silent/cry), but asked him if this engagement was over. And he said 'I'm not ending anything, but I'm sick of your ****.'
So I have no clue whether I'm still engaged or not, considering that he said he isn't ending anything 'officially', yet seems to have kicked me out of his life? But anyway.
From the ages of 14 to 17 I was in an online (yes, online) abusive relationship with a much older man. He blackmailed me into being his little sex toy for 3 years as he had provocative pictures of me which he threatened to leak if I didn't oblige to his commands. After 3 years of great difficulty, I got out of that sh*t hole and cut him out. Only to be abused sexually (this time in real life, not just online) a year later by another much older man, in a car. Both these events have made me a really sensitive to harshness individual, I'm quiet, reserved but it doesn't mean I cannot love.
My fiance is aware of BOTH of these situations but still throws this 'victim' insult at me every time he gets mad and I break down crying - it really hurts, and he knows that.
Anyway, my fiance has always complained that I've never been affectionate or loving enough. That I'm a reserved and distant girl - which makes him really angry and makes him think I don't love him. He also hates that I have crazy levels of anxiety and cannot handle him being angry at me. But I just can't help it. Ever since my fight with him, my anxiety has gotten really bad so I have FINALLY (for the first time in life) have reached out to get therapy. I think my fiance's uncontrollable anger and neediness does not mesh well with my sensitivity and my reserved/distant personality? I've tried to love him to the best of my potential.
I just don't know what to do with the fiance situation? Do I assume things are over? Do I tell him I'm seeking help for my sensitivity/inability to be super affectionate? Or do I let things be? He was the best partner I've ever had... I don't want to feel like I lost the one over my stupid mental health issues
The best partner you've ever had would NOT have said the things he did to you. Good for you getting some help with a therapist - and please know that GOOD partners don't behave like he did - you deserve much, much better.
PS - he's not "the one" hon - the REAL one will support you - not blame you for having been a victim. Hugs!!
Alot of baggage here and you should have been in therapy way before this relationship. I would get into real therapy soon and quit talking about it. Just from his comments he has been your whipping post and hes sick of it. Sometimes we take that one step that is the last straw for the partner. He may have reached this point. Dont beg,cry and hope he feels sorry for you. If you dont have the finances then get counseling through a church pastor or see if theres a support group you could hook up with. Your making promises to be better and hes not buying it. So get busy and let him see change.
Last edited by luv my dayton; 07-21-2015 at 09:33 PM..
Reason: add on
What do you mean you don't know what to do with the "fiance situation"? What kind of a question is that? You're about to marry this person and it's just a "situation" that you "don't know what to do about"?
My advice is to reevaluate your position in life and start owning some of it. In short, get a grip.
Go to the therapy but do it for yourself and not for someone else. Also re-thing your engagement to this man. He seems to put himself and his needs way ahead of you and yours. He KNOWS about your past and yet still calls you names? He is NOT supportive, he is NOT loving. I am sorry but he sounds like a jerk.
You deserve better. You deserve someone who will love you for who you are with your baggage of emotions, who will help you get through life difficulties and not someone who will bring you down. Your feelings, emotions and needs are as important as your boyfriend's.
Yes, therapy is a very good route, given what you've disclosed, and being engaged to this person doesn't really sound like the most beneficial thing, at this point.
My fiance and I recently got into a fight. It's been about 15 days since we have not spoken properly. During our last conversation, he told me to 'let me live his live otherwise he'll destroy me, told me I was an idiot and always acted like a victim in every situation, to stop annoying him/calling him, and that he wasn't interested in seeing me, he was tired of my bull**** and refused to drag this '****' any longer.' In response, I didn't say anything (I never argue back - just stay silent/cry), but asked him if this engagement was over. And he said 'I'm not ending anything, but I'm sick of your ****.'
So I have no clue whether I'm still engaged or not, considering that he said he isn't ending anything 'officially', yet seems to have kicked me out of his life? But anyway.
From the ages of 14 to 17 I was in an online (yes, online) abusive relationship with a much older man. He blackmailed me into being his little sex toy for 3 years as he had provocative pictures of me which he threatened to leak if I didn't oblige to his commands. After 3 years of great difficulty, I got out of that sh*t hole and cut him out. Only to be abused sexually (this time in real life, not just online) a year later by another much older man, in a car. Both these events have made me a really sensitive to harshness individual, I'm quiet, reserved but it doesn't mean I cannot love.
My fiance is aware of BOTH of these situations but still throws this 'victim' insult at me every time he gets mad and I break down crying - it really hurts, and he knows that.
Anyway, my fiance has always complained that I've never been affectionate or loving enough. That I'm a reserved and distant girl - which makes him really angry and makes him think I don't love him. He also hates that I have crazy levels of anxiety and cannot handle him being angry at me. But I just can't help it. Ever since my fight with him, my anxiety has gotten really bad so I have FINALLY (for the first time in life) have reached out to get therapy. I think my fiance's uncontrollable anger and neediness does not mesh well with my sensitivity and my reserved/distant personality? I've tried to love him to the best of my potential.
I just don't know what to do with the fiance situation? Do I assume things are over? Do I tell him I'm seeking help for my sensitivity/inability to be super affectionate? Or do I let things be? He was the best partner I've ever had... I don't want to feel like I lost the one over my stupid mental health issues
Sounds to me like he needs therapy, too... I think you should assume that no matter what you do, he's always going to hold your youthful mistake against you, and will use it to blame you for everything that goes wrong.
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