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I'm an attractive 33-year-old woman. People routinely tell me I'm awesome. But I fall so quickly for guys and then end up getting hurt, or dumped for some random reason. I'd really like to be stone-cold, like the characters on Seinfeld who date a million people and don't bat an eyelash when things don't work out... but I'm just not built that way. I'm too sensitive for my own good. Latest incident: man I was seeing for a whopping ELEVEN DAYS broke it off because we wanted different things (I don't want kids; he does) and I live too far away from him (100 miles) and I feel devastated. This is embarrassing.
When you start being happy with yourself and realizing you don't need a man to make you happy or complete. I love guys and I love being marries but heck, you don't even need a man to have a baby these days!
I'm an attractive 33-year-old woman. People routinely tell me I'm awesome. But I fall so quickly for guys and then end up getting hurt, or dumped for some random reason. I'd really like to be stone-cold, like the characters on Seinfeld who date a million people and don't bat an eyelash when things don't work out... but I'm just not built that way. I'm too sensitive for my own good. Latest incident: man I was seeing for a whopping ELEVEN DAYS broke it off because we wanted different things (I don't want kids; he does) and I live too far away from him (100 miles) and I feel devastated. This is embarrassing.
Advice is greatly appreciated
Don't act like he's your BF.
Don't tell anyone about him for a few weeks.
Don't post anything online about him or obsess about him during the day.
Stay focused on your job.
Make plans with your friends.
Don't ignore his faults.
Notice if you are reluctant to speak your mind or assert yourself around him. This may mean you are idealizing the situation and even yourself.
(This works for both genders, BTW.)
It just takes self-control. I'm sure that, cognitively, you recognize that a 100-mile distance and whether you want kids or not are two VERY big obstacles. So you must have been letting your imagination run a little wild with this one. You are right that you should NOT be torn up over an 11-day thing.
Because it sounds like you are more worried about them liking you than you liking them, when you don't know them all that well. Understandable, as most kind people with big hearts tend to give others the benefit of the doubt and seek to please those they take a shine to. But look at it this way: Imagine finding out a couple of months from now that the person you thought was so great is wanted in three states for various and sundry crimes, has an addiction of some sort, or is just a plain ol' jerk. So refrain from handing out your heart until your brain and your gut are in agreement that the man is worthy. There is nothing wrong with a certain amount of skepticism, especially if you are in a minority demographic that raises your risk of an irreconcilable difference, like wanting to remain kid-free.
Also, date more than one guy in the initial stages. Keep it casual, give yourself time to get to know them before making a choice.
I'm an attractive 33-year-old woman. People routinely tell me I'm awesome. But I fall so quickly for guys and then end up getting hurt, or dumped for some random reason. I'd really like to be stone-cold, like the characters on Seinfeld who date a million people and don't bat an eyelash when things don't work out... but I'm just not built that way. I'm too sensitive for my own good. Latest incident: man I was seeing for a whopping ELEVEN DAYS broke it off because we wanted different things (I don't want kids; he does) and I live too far away from him (100 miles) and I feel devastated. This is embarrassing.
Advice is greatly appreciated
You realize that TV isn't real life, right? It's escapist fantasy and entertainment.
Self-esteem issues, OP. Did you have trouble getting love and approval from one of your parents? Or was your dad one of those distant types? Don't hang your self worth on the shoulders of virtual strangers. If you can't break out of this pattern, try therapy. These things can be too deep-seated for us to overcome on our own.
I'm an attractive 33-year-old woman. People routinely tell me I'm awesome. But I fall so quickly for guys and then end up getting hurt, or dumped for some random reason. I'd really like to be stone-cold, like the characters on Seinfeld who date a million people and don't bat an eyelash when things don't work out... but I'm just not built that way. I'm too sensitive for my own good. Latest incident: man I was seeing for a whopping ELEVEN DAYS broke it off because we wanted different things (I don't want kids; he does) and I live too far away from him (100 miles) and I feel devastated. This is embarrassing.
Advice is greatly appreciated
All the advice you'll get on her I'm sure will be great, but easier said than done. I'm your age and the same way, I fall pretty easily and quickly when I like a guy and am super upset when it doesn't work out. I'm here to tell you its ok and normal to feel that way, it usually doesn't last long, in a couple of weeks he'll just be a distant memory. That being said I think the reason you feel this way is because you're more in love with the idea of what could be, rather than what actually is, you start imagining a future with the guy because you like him, so it's really more disappointment in what could have been rather than being so devastated over the particular guy in question.
Personally I don't know how women can date so many men and not get attached to any of them. I assume it must be women who date quite a few men at a time, because chances are if you're dating 3 guys at any given point time, you probably don't like any of them very much. As a woman when I like a guy I only want to date him and usually am oblivious to most other men. I'm not saying one way of dating is right and the other is wrong, they're both fine, its more about what works for each individual.
All the advice you'll get on her I'm sure will be great, but easier said than done. I'm your age and the same way, I fall pretty easily and quickly when I like a guy and am super upset when it doesn't work out. I'm here to tell you its ok and normal to feel that way, it usually doesn't last long, in a couple of weeks he'll just be a distant memory. That being said I think the reason you feel this way is because you're more in love with the idea of what could be, rather than what actually is, you start imagining a future with the guy because you like him, so it's really more disappointment in what could have been rather than being so devastated over the particular guy in question.
Personally I don't know how women can date so many men and not get attached to any of them. I assume it must be women who date quite a few men at a time, because chances are if you're dating 3 guys at any given point time, you probably don't like any of them very much. As a woman when I like a guy I only want to date him and usually am oblivious to most other men. I'm not saying one way of dating is right and the other is wrong, they're both fine, its more about what works for each individual.
Thanks Bebe. Do you have any coping mechanisms for dealing with being like this? Are we just doomed to always get hurt?
Thanks for the wise words. I understand and agree with your suggestions... I just wish I knew how to actually make them happen!
Get professional help. That will boost things in the right direction.
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