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I'm at the point in my life where I'm starting to feel old-fashioned when it comes to dating.
Scary.
I still go into dating situations wanting to get to know the guy. I'm not just thinking about sex, if at all. But more and more today it just seems like a big game. Nobody cares about honesty or connection. They don't want to discuss feelings or develop anything meaningful. They want to have sex. And that's it.
And then there's the element of, "The person who cares the least has the most power". It's like people try to make each other dependent on them, rather than risk being vulnerable so that they can actually build a real relationship.
Do people only care about "winning" these days?
I am like you and I am a guy. I probably want intimacy quicker than you but not right away just not 6 dates or more lol.
Seriously if you read my thread keeping it real I am getting to know these women I am dating in the first couple of dates. We are having real conversations about real stuff not scripted or acting which made all of the dates fun/pleasant. We talk about our day, what's going on, being vulnerable and opening up a bit because...........that's what I am asking for in my profile real people.
I enjoy sex as much as anyone but it's more special when you have a connection with someone.
I think you should be more specific in what you are looking for in your profile and you will probably have better results.
I don't think that most people in most situations are outright callously manipulative, or ruled by sinister motive to outmaneuver. But people have indeed become more guarded and less amenable to cooperative behavior until the other party has demonstrated sufficient trustworthiness. Of course, both parties are doing the same. Thus dating can become a diplomatic negotiation. And because some people are dating multiple prospects simultaneously, one can never be sure that one's candidate partner's affection is undivided. We become mired in doubt, second-guessing ourselves… which of course shows, and triggers commensurate doubt in the other party… and so forth, in a vicious cycle.
Often one wonders: isn't there a simpler way? And probably there is… but not without surrendering so many of the pivotal attributes of modern life.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm starting to feel old-fashioned when it comes to dating.
Scary.
I still go into dating situations wanting to get to know the guy. I'm not just thinking about sex, if at all. But more and more today it just seems like a big game. Nobody cares about honesty or connection. They don't want to discuss feelings or develop anything meaningful. They want to have sex. And that's it.
And then there's the element of, "The person who cares the least has the most power". It's like people try to make each other dependent on them, rather than risk being vulnerable so that they can actually build a real relationship.
I don't think that most people in most situations are outright callously manipulative, or ruled by sinister motive to outmaneuver. But people have indeed become more guarded and less amenable to cooperative behavior until the other party has demonstrated sufficient trustworthiness. Of course, both parties are doing the same. Thus dating can become a diplomatic negotiation. And because some people are dating multiple prospects simultaneously, one can never be sure that one's candidate partner's affection is undivided. We become mired in doubt, second-guessing ourselves… which of course shows, and triggers commensurate doubt in the other party… and so forth, in a vicious cycle.
I think that people are afraid of getting their hearts stomped on. Natural. But it's to the point where no one will make themselves vulnerable, for that reason. They cling to being aloof because they think it's sexy. And yes, some of that will build attraction in the beginning. But that does not provide the foundation for a solid relationship.
Myself, I never wanted to become a selfish b*tch, but it seems like that's what guys respect these days.
Yes, men want to have sex. Men don't want to go on a bunch of first dates with a bunch of women that don't lead anywhere. Men want to know that you are physically attracted to them and not wasting their time and money. But at the same time, I think that most men will respect a woman that won't go to bed with them right away if she's at least displaying some signs of interest in eventually escalating the relationship to sex.
Perhaps you are not letting men know that you are sexually available and they are disinterested.
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