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Perhaps this is a sign that I've been in this small city too long or that I'm losing my game(or losing touch with people). or that this town is losing its mind. This feels like something that would occur in middle school and not professionals in their mid 20s. Is it generally a turn off to women if a man asks her to dinner but she says no so he takes out someone else instead? Someone recently told me that she really likes me but she won't go to dinner with me because she doesn't want to get hurt and she knew that if I didn't go with her I would simply take someone else out. Huh? This is the third time this happened recently. Love fine cuisine btw.
I don'to get it, do people generally expect you to be obsessed over them, break down crying, and not go out with anyone for a month if they say no? If someone I ask out says no, there are plenty of people who will say yes. People want way too much emotional investment up front! At any given time, there are multiple people in the world one could possibly cultivate a relationship with, it is unhealthy to worship someone early on especially if you haven't even gone out with them yet! You might find you don't even like them. Why would a healthy individual pin all their hopes and dreams on the future on someone they haven't even gone out with yet?
Also someone I went out with for 2 weeks got upset that I hooked up with someone I met at a club the night we decided we were not going to work out and even more upset when I took someone else out for dinner the night after. WTF? Am I supposed to ignore women for a year after? /rant over!
Am I completely off base? Have I lost direction somewhere? Why is it wrong to have other people you could go out with within the same day if a given person turns you down? To me this indicates one clearly has traits that would generally make someone "desirable" compared to the average. It is one fun date, not a marriage proposal!
Perhaps this is a sign that I've been in this small city too long or that I'm losing my game(or losing touch with people). or that this town is losing its mind. This feels like something that would occur in middle school and not professionals in their mid 20s. Is it generally a turn off to women if a man asks her to dinner but she says no so he takes out someone else instead? Someone recently told me that she really likes me but she won't go to dinner with me because she doesn't want to get hurt and she knew that if I didn't go with her I would simply take someone else out. Huh? This is the third time this happened recently. Love fine cuisine btw.
I don'to get it, do people generally expect you to be obsessed over them, break down crying, and not go out with anyone for a month if they say no? If someone I ask out says no, there are plenty of people who will say yes. People want way too much emotional investment up front! At any given time, there are multiple people in the world one could possibly cultivate a relationship with, it is unhealthy to worship someone early on especially if you haven't even gone out with them yet! You might find you don't even like them. Why would a healthy individual pin all their hopes and dreams on the future on someone they haven't even gone out with yet?
Also someone I went out with for 2 weeks got upset that I hooked up with someone I met at a club the night we decided we were not going to work out and even more upset when I took someone else out for dinner the night after. WTF? Am I supposed to ignore women for a year after? /rant over!
Am I completely off base? Have I lost direction somewhere? Why is it wrong to have other people you could go out with within the same day if a given person turns you down? To me this indicates one clearly has traits that would generally make someone "desirable" compared to the average. It is one fun date, not a marriage proposal!
I don't think you are wrong, losing your mind, or any of that. I always figure if you aren't committed then there is nothing wrong with playing the field.
I also don't think the women you are running into are being too unreasonable (although maybe a little unreasonable--and very much so if they ar crying or acting that irrational over a man they aren't in a committed relationship with).
I think what's happening is that things change as we get older and the women you are dating (mid 20s) might be looking for someone to settle down with in a serious relationship. Women have a stricter biological clock than men after all. They probably see your dating around as a man who is not ready to settle and if they really liked you, this upsets them (although I would say if it upsets them as much as you are indicating, they aren't really ready to settle down yet. Crying over a man they barely know is a bit too emotionally immature).
Switch things around a bit. Say you decided you are ready to meet the woman you want marry and start a family with (assuming that is even a goal of yours). When you start dating, you find women who are out all the time dating lots of different men and if you are working late for the evening she says, "no worries, I will go out with Bill instead"... my guess is, that kind of woman would be a bit of a turn off.
Anyway, just some speculation on my part. If you are only in your mid-20s too and not ready to settle, maybe focus on women in their early 20s who are still in a casual dating/not-serious mindset.
I missed all that about the women finding out about each other. You must be dating in a small dating pool OP if the women all know each other to talk about it. Maybe expand your horizons to the nearest city.
Perhaps this is a sign that I've been in this small city too long or that I'm losing my game(or losing touch with people). or that this town is losing its mind. This feels like something that would occur in middle school and not professionals in their mid 20s. Is it generally a turn off to women if a man asks her to dinner but she says no so he takes out someone else instead? Someone recently told me that she really likes me but she won't go to dinner with me because she doesn't want to get hurt and she knew that if I didn't go with her I would simply take someone else out. Huh? This is the third time this happened recently. Love fine cuisine btw.
I don'to get it, do people generally expect you to be obsessed over them, break down crying, and not go out with anyone for a month if they say no? If someone I ask out says no, there are plenty of people who will say yes. People want way too much emotional investment up front! At any given time, there are multiple people in the world one could possibly cultivate a relationship with, it is unhealthy to worship someone early on especially if you haven't even gone out with them yet! You might find you don't even like them. Why would a healthy individual pin all their hopes and dreams on the future on someone they haven't even gone out with yet?
Also someone I went out with for 2 weeks got upset that I hooked up with someone I met at a club the night we decided we were not going to work out and even more upset when I took someone else out for dinner the night after. WTF? Am I supposed to ignore women for a year after? /rant over!
Am I completely off base? Have I lost direction somewhere? Why is it wrong to have other people you could go out with within the same day if a given person turns you down? To me this indicates one clearly has traits that would generally make someone "desirable" compared to the average. It is one fun date, not a marriage proposal!
I think that they think you could be a player, and women don't like players. I know a lot of women who have more than one backup plan, or date more than one guy at a time, but they don't seem to like it when a guy has a backup plan or dates more than one woman. I never understood it.
I had a similar situation as you. I dated and actually liked a very attractive woman, who was running three guys at once from online dating, trying to figure out which one was worthy of her. She didn't know I knew there were three, but I did. I wouldn't hear from her for weeks and she would call out of the blue and want to go to dinner. If I couldn't make it, she would make a snarky comment to the effect of "oh your probably going out with someone else" and get about half aggravated. I ask one night in one of those moods...what does it matter, you see a couple other guys and I got the old "that's different" answer.
I know there are women who won't agree, but a lot of women want a guy who only sees them so he is "their man" but they want to be able to date other guys. I find a lot of that here in the Baltimore/DC area. It is more predominant with business women here.
The best way to handle this is don't share info. If you ask a girl out and she says no, leave it go at that. No need to tell them you will find someone else. If you are not BF and GF or in a committed relationship, I don't see a problem. However if you are exclusive then I understand. There are a lot of players on both sides of the fence where I live.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bearsdad
I know there are women who won't agree, but a lot of women want a guy who only sees them so he is "their man" but they want to be able to date other guys. I find a lot of that here in the Baltimore/DC area. It is more predominant with business women here. .
I've seen this a fair amount too. I've had to check it several times.
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