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I have known this woman for over 7 years, back when we used to work together. Since then we have become good friends. When I met her she had a bf and they are now married for 2 years and I am now married for one year.
Our friendship seems to have developed over the years. At first we just talked at work, but now, even though we work in different companies, we see each other a lot. She always asks me out for lunch every Wednesday, and sometimes on other days as well. If i say I am going to the park to have my lunch she always asks if she can come with me. And when her husband is busy (most Thursday nights) she asks me if i am free for dinner and we eat out at a nice place.
And then there is the texting. every morning at about 8:30, when she gets to work, she messages me "morning". when i reply back she starts a conversation about her day or asks me about mine. the messaging goes on until she gets home. But i might still get the occasional message at night when she wants to show me something (a picture of what she has cook or her view from her new house etc). All in all w send maybe 60-70 messages to each other over a day.
Most of the time I have been fine with all of this but lately I developed feelings for her. Stupid I know, and even worse was telling her. She said that there was a time when she wanted to be more than friends but not anymore. She said she doubted we could ever be more but that I was a good friend to her and hoped nothing would change. I instead focused my feelings towards my wife, I realized that I developed these feelings for her cause there was a deficiency in my marriage. I agreed with my wife that I would see my friend less often and that we would focus more on each other (we were growing apart).
I asked my friend if she texts anyone else as much as she does me, she said she does not . I asked her is her husband new how often she messages me and she said she has and he is cool with it. My wife does not believe it one bit. And I asked her is she thinks we see each other too much.She got defensive and placed me blame on me, saying I was always asking to see her, when from my point of view she wanted to see me. I just don't think she is being very honest to people around her, either to her husband or me.
I guess I was just a fool to think all of the messaging and seeing each other meant something more, but I am trying to move on and focus on my marriage.
Does anyone think there was something going on with her? was I just being used for attention?
Really. It doesn't matter if she was using you or not. You are married, so by definition, you were using her too, as you weren't available. If you want to entertain a relationship with someone else, you need to get divorced. THEN you can spend all the time you want agonizing over whether any given woman really likes you in "that way" or not.
You seem to be hurt and looking for some sort of validation from your would-be lover. Only thing is you are screwing yourself and everyone around you - time to get your head together and do the right thing - which you seem to know but somehow are having trouble achieving.
Think of it as a crash diet - lay off the sweets (texting) and any other contact with her - forget that whole "I hope we can still be friends" and focus on your life/marriage.
Dude, you are married ! You are texting another man's wife about 70 times a day and you are here asking such trite questions?
How about you WORK on your marriage instead and stop with this deceitful behavior with the married woman?
If you were trying to focus and work on your marriage, you wouldn't be on here sounding like a lovesick teenager.
You said she wasn't being honest...you are not being honest....when you developed feelings for her and kept seeing her once that happened. In fact, the amount of time you spent texting and being around her could have been spent with your wife. I think the "something lacking" in your relationship was your commitment to her.
Take the advice from a guy whose penis has destroyed his life on several occasions, it isn't worth it. It took me a handful of decades to figure that out, thankfully I finally did.
I think previous posters say it all. Hopefully you're listening. THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. That's what you need to be working on WITH YOUR WIFE. She's the lady who is standing beside you, who has invested her ENTIRE heart to you. She is not texting another man 70 times a day. But if she did? Would that be the woman you'd choose to be with forever? You better bring that woman some flowers, playa and take care of your business! (that would be your wife)
I have known this woman for over 7 years, back when we used to work together. Since then we have become good friends. When I met her she had a bf and they are now married for 2 years and I am now married for one year.
Our friendship seems to have developed over the years. At first we just talked at work, but now, even though we work in different companies, we see each other a lot. She always asks me out for lunch every Wednesday, and sometimes on other days as well. If i say I am going to the park to have my lunch she always asks if she can come with me. And when her husband is busy (most Thursday nights) she asks me if i am free for dinner and we eat out at a nice place.
And then there is the texting. every morning at about 8:30, when she gets to work, she messages me "morning". when i reply back she starts a conversation about her day or asks me about mine. the messaging goes on until she gets home. But i might still get the occasional message at night when she wants to show me something (a picture of what she has cook or her view from her new house etc). All in all w send maybe 60-70 messages to each other over a day.
Most of the time I have been fine with all of this but lately I developed feelings for her. Stupid I know, and even worse was telling her. She said that there was a time when she wanted to be more than friends but not anymore. She said she doubted we could ever be more but that I was a good friend to her and hoped nothing would change. I instead focused my feelings towards my wife, I realized that I developed these feelings for her cause there was a deficiency in my marriage. I agreed with my wife that I would see my friend less often and that we would focus more on each other (we were growing apart).
I asked my friend if she texts anyone else as much as she does me, she said she does not . I asked her is her husband new how often she messages me and she said she has and he is cool with it. My wife does not believe it one bit. And I asked her is she thinks we see each other too much.She got defensive and placed me blame on me, saying I was always asking to see her, when from my point of view she wanted to see me. I just don't think she is being very honest to people around her, either to her husband or me.
I guess I was just a fool to think all of the messaging and seeing each other meant something more, but I am trying to move on and focus on my marriage.
Does anyone think there was something going on with her? was I just being used for attention?
Hey Dude,
If I were you I wouldn't be so concern about it now. As far as I am concern you should just focus on your marriage. You are prodding on thin ice. Whether she was just flirting or not, just forget about it. Why ruin a perfect marriage that you have with your wife for someone you is married and not sure of what they want.
She seem a bit confuse to some extent. But leave her alone ..
OP:
Exactly what did you expect your married female friend to say when you told her that you have feelings for her?
Exactly why did you choose to have an emotional affair with a married female?
Exactly what did you expect and want to happen by having an emotional affair with a married female?
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