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My husband and i are currently separated, i am at my parents house right now and have been for last 4 days. We have always had a very up and down, bit of a roller coaster relationship i guess you could say. We rushed into our relationship pretty quickly, i thought the saying "when you know, you just know" was true because of us. When we were into a few months of dating, and were already living together and engaged at this point, he told me someone else was expecting his child. I completely broke down. Over the course of the next few months a lot changed for us. We moved into his moms house, and i became pregnant. When i was 6 months pregnant that very girl called his moms house, and i happened to answer the phone. She told he knew the entire time she was pregnant, and had been contacting her while we were together. She had emails to prove it. I was devastated, but because i was already pregnant, and i thought we loved each other, I'd make it work. She eventually cut him off completely from the child's life, and his family was soon to follow. It still bothers me when i think about it, even 8 years later.
He's also always had a computer addiction. He plays WoW way too much, i am talking from the time he comes home until he goes to bed. This addiction is very on and off, and i would for sure say when he is in an "unhappy" moment, it's a lot worse. He is currently on depression medication, but they only seem to work some of the time.
About 4 years ago he started working for a company he really enjoys. He became manager about 3 years ago, and he has a lot more opportunities because of this. One of the being traveling the world. Every year he gets to go somewhere different. He has been to Asia twice, and Hawaii just this past month. About a year ago we moved from a very small place, to way bigger space. I could see it had really helped our relationship because we weren't so cramped with the 2 kids, and us. Plus, it was in a bigger town so we weren't so secluded. Well he went away last year to conference for 6 days to Asia. 1-2 days into his trip i told him we needed to talk about a few things, and after that his phone was turned off for 3 days and i never heard from him until he got home. I thought his phone may have died, but it turns out he had an affair. I was completely taken aback. Never in a million years did i think he would do that. He told me he never loved me, our relationship was based solely off of lust, and if i ever took him back he would never respect me. He was pretty awful for a few days, and then he left for a week to his dads. After about a week he came to get the kids for a visit, and he never left. He told me he had panic attacks when he was away during that week, and it really hit him what he had done.
For 11 months our relationship had it's bumps but we were the best we had ever been. Our anniversary was about 1 1/2 months ago, and he planned a great night. Everything was going well. Then he left for Hawaii at the end of August. I had a gut feeling something was going to change after that trip because conference tends to do that to him. We were going to work on trust, and for the first 4-5 days he was really good. We talked, facetimed, and he made the effort. On his last day there i never heard from him for 24 hours. I was pretty mad, and very hurt he would do that. My mind raced, and when i finally heard from him he said his phone had died and he had checked his bag that had the charger in it. He also said he tried to see if anyone had a phone he could borrow, but no one had the data. I didn't really believe him. When he got home i noticed a change right away. He wasn't himself, and very distant. For about 1-2 weeks he would go from very agitated, to caring, to understanding, to distant and anxious.
We had already planned a trip to disneyland and i really didn't want to go, but he said it would make things worse if i didn't. While we were there he was pretty great. We held hands, slept together, (i noticed he was a bit more sexually aggressive, which was pretty weird to me because for the past 1-2 weeks he wouldn't go near me in that way) we went on rides, laughed and he seemed attentive. When we got home that night he was still pretty good, but the next day he had went back to his old self. He at first said we deserved better, that he didn't want to keep hurting me, he asked me what i would do if he cheated on me again, i asked him if he worried about that, and he said no, but then why ask that? I asked him if something happened in Hawaii or LA (on his layover) and he said no. I had no proof, so i had to believe him. It went from him saying it was him, all him, to then saying it was our relationship.
He came out of no where 4 days ago and said our relationship was missing something, but he couldn't pin point, and that maybe it didn't even exist, he just knew it wasn't there. He said he was sorry for doing this again, and that was about that. I then moved out and got to the place i am now. He was going to leave, but i decided i wanted to leave because it would be better for the 3 of us. (Me and my kids, 3 and 6) He never was much of a father, i don't think he enjoyed it. I would have to force him to do anything, and even then sometimes it still would be a no. He was aggressive with the kids, and often times quite mean. Well he was more then ok to have his space, it's what he wanted after all. He told me he would be a better weekend dad, that maybe he would appreciate his time with them a bit more. Well ever since i have left, he was contacted me a few times a day. Which i don't understand, considering he wanted his space. He then seemed to forget what he wanted, or how he felt regarding being a father because he all of a sudden wants to see them everyday and talk to them all the time. He also asked me to give them kisses and hugs a few times. I mean what the heck?! I was so confused, and mad. I find it so laughable. Why ask for space, and say it's a good idea, and then not leave me alone so i can have my space? Last time he left, i didn't talk to him hardly at all for a week. Maybe twice! He told me he was hurting and that us not being there was "different, but hard to explain" whatever that means?
I feel like he could have bi polar, because he can't ever seem to make up his mind about what he wants, ever. He told me he can convince himself of pretty much anything, and i think that's what he's done here. Isn't it easier to say out of no where that he was pretending to be someone he's not to make us work, that he's not happy, and that we're missing something, then to actually have to change and think that maybe your just a really crappy person? Hm. Any input appreciated.
Last edited by butterfly0307; 09-17-2015 at 08:22 PM..
he is your husband you should know or should have taken him to be tested by a medical professional instead of asking random strangers on a public forum who have no idea who either of you are.
Don't know about bipolar or not but my eyes will need bifocals after that!
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