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True, nobody knows what went on with you and mystery lover. But main thing is, that man wasn't your husband. That's all anyone needs to know. And that if you love your husband, the bulk of your attention should be on him, not failed romances with other married men. So if you left this thread, did more things with your husband, and got involved in other things, you could get over this man, who has a wife of his own he needs to tend to.
Focus on your current family, not the man you shouldn't have been fooling with in the 1st place.
True, nobody knows what went on with you and mystery lover. But main thing is, that man wasn't your husband. That's all anyone needs to know. And that if you love your husband, the bulk of your attention should be on him, not failed romances with other married men. So if you left this thread, did more things with your husband, and got involved in other things, you could get over this man, who has a wife of his own he needs to tend to.
Focus on your current family, not the man you shouldn't have been fooling with in the 1st place.
The OP talking about it over and over and defending the level of intensity or the status level of the thing isn't conducive to her moving forward.
Part of why I made my comment about it, hopefully those comments can sort of jolt a little reality back into it.....
Romancing it and talking about how intensely she felt connected with the dude does not make for a good place in her heart for her husband/family.
Stop focusing on what you felt and how hard you felt it with another man.
That isn't letting go...thats keeping focus on the things you are suppose to be letting go of. That is the point people are trying to make while you fight them on why this was so important to you.
Stop the pity me comments. Get real, pity won't strengthen your marriage it will make it worse.
Stop focusing on what you felt and how hard you felt it with another man.
That isn't letting go...thats keeping focus on the things you are suppose to be letting go of. That is the point people are trying to make while you fight them on why this was so important to you.
Stop the pity me comments. Get real, pity won't strengthen your marriage it will make it worse.
^^^^ This
This makes me wonder exactly what types of responses the OP 1) wanted to get by posting this thread and 2) expected to get by posting this thread regarding the other man, her husband, her marriage and her family.
This makes me wonder exactly what types of responses the OP 1) wanted to get by posting this thread and 2) expected to get by posting this thread regarding the other man, her husband, her marriage and her family.
I completely agree and I think that was great advice. In fact I've gotten a lot of great advice and applied it and will apply it in strengthening my marital relationship and moving past my affair.
My only objection was the trivializing and diminishing of how I said I feel/felt by some posters. As if calling it a fling or online infatuation or doubting the reality of our interactions somehow makes it easier to move on. It doesn't. I'm not going to pretend the other guy means any less to me. But I am acknowledging the feelings are not conducive to my relationship to my husband and I working to get past them.
Everyone who has an affair thinks their's is different. No one ever says "yeah, mine was that superficial intimacy you can muster in 4 weeks. Common, dirty and deceitful."
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I completely agree and I think that was great advice. In fact I've gotten a lot of great advice and applied it and will apply it in strengthening my marital relationship and moving past my affair.
My only objection was the trivializing and diminishing of how I said I feel/felt by some posters. As if calling it a fling or online infatuation or doubting the reality of our interactions somehow makes it easier to move on. It doesn't. I'm not going to pretend the other guy means any less to me. But I am acknowledging the feelings are not conducive to my relationship to my husband and I working to get past them.
Regarding the bolded part in pink....
Then what the heck are the city data members supposed to label this on-line dalliance as?
Regardless of the circumstances. . . Letting go can be really hard and it takes time. There's not one thing a person can say here to speed up that process. Ignoring/denying your feelings will just delay healing. But one day, you will look back and see how far you've come, so just be patient with yourself for now.
True, nobody knows what went on with you and mystery lover. But main thing is, that man wasn't your husband. That's all anyone needs to know. And that if you love your husband, the bulk of your attention should be on him, not failed romances with other married men. So if you left this thread, did more things with your husband, and got involved in other things, you could get over this man, who has a wife of his own he needs to tend to.
Focus on your current family, not the man you shouldn't have been fooling with in the 1st place.
^^^^^^This is what I'm talking about! If people spend equal amount of time and energy building their relationship instead of wasting that energy going outside of their relationship, they would be fine.
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