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Your friend's husband flirts and lies because he knows your friend can't leave him. That's why he is so brazen.
Yea I think she should go back to work in my opinion. Not sure if it's low confidence in not wanting to go back. Or not her responsibility. Plus she lives in a $2MM home w/ 'everything.'
My friend has a husband who is flirting with his office manager. He buys her gifts (purses, clothes), has a pet nickname for her, texts her good night and sweet dreams, calls her sexy, etc.
They have three kids, she's a SAHM, and was raised to be very submissive as well as very quiet and has a very hard time standing up for herself.
She has told him multiple times she wants him to stop and doesn't like it. But he thinks it's no big deal. He lied to her one day and ended up going out to dinner w/ her at a fancy restaurant. She tracked him via his phone and confronted them at the restaurant (which is a huge move for her). Her husband was even impressed she did that but on the other hand was annoyed that she's tracking him and following him.
Things haven't changed though since then.
Any suggestions for her? She'll probably never leave as it's not her nature and I don't know if it's partially also because she's not been working for 15 years (though she has a Master's Degree).
Just wondering if there are other tactics? I know for me and my husband, the way we are, if we saw texts with flirting, the phone would be broken or something would be broken and some choice words or yelling. LOL. But then we'd solve it. But she is not someone who can get mad like that. The other option was, I told her to create boundaries and back off from the relationship as I think she's trying to control it too much. But not sure what kind of boundaries to suggest that she can do.
Appreciate any advice for my friend!
You can stay out of it and your friend can tend to her marriage by herself.
It is the best way to keep the friendship and if she asks for your advice just say
"I don't know what I would do in that situation, what do you think you want to do"
That way there is no opinion or advice from you and you put the solution to the issue right back to her since it is her life and her marriage to tend to, without help.
Buying purses, clothes and going out to dinner isn't flirting. The dude is banging her.
@anyrate, I wouldn't get involved in their marital problems.
That is exactly what I said. Buying gifts? Puh-lees! That dude is getting the 'spit-shine treatment' if you know what I mean. Why would the dude spend his coins on some other chick other than his wife? He could be saving that money on a vacation or on retirement. Even if he were to buy this other woman gifts, he would still have to run it over by his wife. This is just way too inappropriate.
I also agree that you shouldn't get involved. Let them handle their dirt on their own. There is nothing you can do but continue to support your friend. You are her ear, her shoulder to cry on, and you'll be there when they sign the divorce papers. The only thing the wife can do is wait for the prime time to get his money that she should have gotten from her husband in the first place instead of him spending it on another women.
Yea I think she should go back to work in my opinion. Not sure if it's low confidence in not wanting to go back. Or not her responsibility. Plus she lives in a $2MM home w/ 'everything.'
Well your friend's husband is being a cheeky flirt. I think he likes to make his wife furious and knowing she can't do anything. Or will she? I don't think he'll put his money on the line for divorce either.
He will leave her with the kids and the mortgage and no visible way of supporting herself.
You need to tell her to get those kids in crèche, and herself in work.
Its what she needs - the Outside World, some income, self esteem, and a way to leave the jerk before he deserts her and her kids.
Remind her she is their example. Does she want to raise boys who think its okay to cheat and spend the family money on a floozy, and girls who think they need to look away? No, of course not. But that's what she will do if she stays so passively in his control.
Hubby will deny, deny, deny until she catches him in the act. If she doesn't like what he's doing, and he refuses to have any compassion about her feelings. Her best option would be to have an exit strategy. I don't know why people allow their partner to continuously disrespect them. She shouldn't follow him, she shouldn't hire a PI, and she shouldn't find a new guy. What she needs to do, is leave...unfortunately, most tend to really let a wound fester, and wait way past the expiration date...life is too short, and there are way too many humans, to have to tolerate any of that BS.
Tell your friend you don't want to be in the middle of her martial issues, it's not an issue for you to deal with. Do so with the understanding between the two of you that she needs to actually do something to get results that do not amount to bitching to others.
She actually has to take the initiative to make a change for one to happen...if that is what she actually wants.
She calls me almost every day with every detail. And sometimes screen prints the texts and emails me them. I've known her since we went to nursery school. So I've known her for 32 years. A long, close friendship.
If he is so open about it, and she isn't condoning it, offer her a place to stay while she lines up the divorce.
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and knowing she can't do anything. Or will she? I don't think he'll put his money on the line for divorce either.
I've known her since we went to nursery school. So I've known her for 32 years. A long, close friendship.
