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It really get on my nerve how some women (and men) prefer to be alone because they don't want to "settle" or lower their "standard".
Let's be honest, you settle for 90% of what you have in life.
1- You settle for the Toyota because I'm sure you would rather drive a Ferrari.
2- You settle for your studio apt, but I'm sure you would rather live in a $10 million mansion.
3- You settle to make 50K a year, but I'm sure you would rather make 500K.
I think those things are different - I feel that you can be happy driving a regular car. Those cars get you what you need and are nice. Settling for a person is much different. Being with someone who makes you unhappy effects your life quite negatively. Where as a car isn't really going to make your life miserable or hurt you if it's not a Ferrari.
And there's a chance you could find someone you really, really love if you don't settle. There's probably no chance in hell you are going to get a Ferrari if you wait around and never buy another car. You could also get the Toyota and later still get a better car. It's not like you could settle on a person then later trade up (well you could, but if you settle and marry it's much, much harder to just trade in a person like a car)
It's just not the same thing. With cars and jobs, you can move on and work up. People are entirely different. If a person is abusive or bad for you, it really has an impact on your life and you can't just get rid of them in an hour. It impacts who you are as a person, if you spend years with them. You could end up moving for them, having a kid with them, it can change you emotionally. "Settling" for someone you don't really love is a much, much bigger deal then getting a car you or a house you aren't 100% in love with. Plus you HAVE to live somewhere. You don't HAVE to date that person.
Plus if you settle for a person, you could hurt them too, if you don't love them and they think you do. If you settle for a house or a car, you aren't hurting them. They don't have feelings.
I think those things are different - I feel that you can be happy driving a regular car. Those cars get you what you need and are nice. Settling for a person is much different. Being with someone who makes you unhappy effects your life quite negatively. Where as a car isn't really going to make your life miserable or hurt you if it's not a Ferrari.
And there's a chance you could find someone you really, really love if you don't settle. There's probably no chance in hell you are going to get a Ferrari if you wait around and never buy another car. You could also get the Toyota and later still get a better car. It's not like you could settle on a person then later trade up (well you could, but if you settle and marry it's much, much harder to just trade in a person like a car)
It's just not the same thing. With cars and jobs, you can move on and work up. People are entirely different. If a person is abusive or bad for you, it really has an impact on your life and you can't just get rid of them in an hour. It impacts who you are as a person, if you spend years with them. You could end up moving for them, having a kid with them, it can change you emotionally. "Settling" for someone you don't really love is a much, much bigger deal then getting a car you or a house you aren't 100% in love with. Plus you HAVE to live somewhere. You don't HAVE to date that person.
Plus if you settle for a person, you could hurt them too, if you don't love them and they think you do. If you settle for a house or a car, you aren't hurting them. They don't have feelings.
I see your point, but when people say this, it's mostly due to superficial reasons.
There are certain things that I look for in a partner that I know will make me the most happy and fulfilled in my relationship. I will not "settle" for anything less.
I want a relationship, I don't need one. Because of that, I don't feel the need to ever have to settle for anything less than what will make me the happiest in the long run.
I think those things are different - I feel that you can be happy driving a regular car. Those cars get you what you need and are nice. Settling for a person is much different. Being with someone who makes you unhappy effects your life quite negatively. Where as a car isn't really going to make your life miserable or hurt you if it's not a Ferrari.
And there's a chance you could find someone you really, really love if you don't settle. There's probably no chance in hell you are going to get a Ferrari if you wait around and never buy another car. You could also get the Toyota and later still get a better car. It's not like you could settle on a person then later trade up (well you could, but if you settle and marry it's much, much harder to just trade in a person like a car)
It's just not the same thing. With cars and jobs, you can move on and work up. People are entirely different. If a person is abusive or bad for you, it really has an impact on your life and you can't just get rid of them in an hour. It impacts who you are as a person, if you spend years with them. You could end up moving for them, having a kid with them, it can change you emotionally. "Settling" for someone you don't really love is a much, much bigger deal then getting a car you or a house you aren't 100% in love with. Plus you HAVE to live somewhere. You don't HAVE to date that person.
As someone who did settle and came from abusive relationships, I would have to agree. There are some things that I will look passed, and even those flaws can become the little things that I love more about him, but never will I ever settle for someone who treats me like I'm beneath him ever again. The top of my list is a good, kind heart. Sad, that it's hard to find someone like that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mishigas73
There are certain things that I look for in a partner that I know will make me the most happy and fulfilled in my relationship. I will not "settle" for anything less.
Iwanta relationship, I don't need one. Because of that, I don't feel the need to ever have to settle for anything less than what will make me the happiest in the long run.
After being single for almost a year after a loveless marriage, I agree. When I think I need one, I just think of the bad relationships I had. No, thank you.
Plus if you settle for a person, you could hurt them too, if you don't love them and they think you do. If you settle for a house or a car, you aren't hurting them. They don't have feelings.
Right. There is a difference between settling and being realistic. Settling for someone you don't really care for or who doesn't make your life better so that you aren't alone is not the same as knowing who your target demographic is and being with someone you think is great but who maybe isn't off-the-charts wealthy, good-looking, successful or whatever the criteria are.
Why does other people not settling get on your nerves? Personally, I would never settle for someone. A relationship is a choice - not a necessity. My husband makes my whole life better. I can't imagine spending everyday with someone that I was just settling for.
I think those things are different - I feel that you can be happy driving a regular car. Those cars get you what you need and are nice. Settling for a person is much different. Being with someone who makes you unhappy effects your life quite negatively. Where as a car isn't really going to make your life miserable or hurt you if it's not a Ferrari.
And there's a chance you could find someone you really, really love if you don't settle. There's probably no chance in hell you are going to get a Ferrari if you wait around and never buy another car. You could also get the Toyota and later still get a better car. It's not like you could settle on a person then later trade up (well you could, but if you settle and marry it's much, much harder to just trade in a person like a car)
It's just not the same thing. With cars and jobs, you can move on and work up. People are entirely different. If a person is abusive or bad for you, it really has an impact on your life and you can't just get rid of them in an hour. It impacts who you are as a person, if you spend years with them. You could end up moving for them, having a kid with them, it can change you emotionally. "Settling" for someone you don't really love is a much, much bigger deal then getting a car you or a house you aren't 100% in love with. Plus you HAVE to live somewhere. You don't HAVE to date that person.
Plus if you settle for a person, you could hurt them too, if you don't love them and they think you do. If you settle for a house or a car, you aren't hurting them. They don't have feelings.
I agree... You don't settle for friends you don't care for do you? No, you have a select few friends out of the millions of people in your life. Why should a lover be any different.
It's better to be alone than wasting your time with the wrong person (because if you are waiting your time with the wrong person, you may "miss" the right person). I was alone for years because I had standards (and no, they weren't superficial... it was things like having a compatible personality, goals, as well as being attracted and sexually compatible). Yeah I was alone for a few years, but in the end, I found someone who adds to my life and makes me happier. If settled on someone who I wasn't really interested in, chances are the relationship wouldn't have been so great and would end up in heartache for one or both of us.
Settling for material things is completely different than settling with a living human being with emotions, thoughts, and goals of their own. They aren't something you "use" in your life so much as someone you interact with who enhances (or destroys) your life. Most of the material things listed (for one) are just tools and things you need. Another human being isn't a tool or thing you need (well, maybe some people out there are total tools, but that's another discussion).
Right. There is a difference between settling and being realistic. Settling for someone you don't really care for or who doesn't make your life better so that you aren't alone is not the same as knowing who your target demographic is and being with someone you think is great but who maybe isn't off-the-charts wealthy, good-looking, successful or whatever the criteria are.
You are right. There is a big difference.
Settling implies you don't really care for that person and hope to improve at some point. As the kids say, "Trade up" your girlfriend or boyfriend. This is how people get hurt and damaged. Either settling in these relationships or being the person being "used" and settled for.
Being realistic means you care for the person, maybe they aren't exactly what you expected, but it doesn't matter because you don't want to be with anyone else. These tend to be healthy relationships.
For me, I have a guy in mind I want to be with, but I have been unsuccessful in finding this type of guy that wants to date me.
So I "settled" to date a man with a good heart, treats me well, but smokes and has a full beard. Not exactly what I was seeking, but it is working.
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