How do you tell if someone was settling? (dating, marriage, woman)

[techcrium]

How do you tell if someone was settling in a relationship?

[DennyCrane]

You don't. Unless you can read their mind, how do you know they're settling? Too often, we see someone with someone else and think "they could do so much better." But maybe they don't see it like that. Maybe they're happy with that person and don't feel as though they lowered their standards.

[duster1979]

Originally Posted by techcrium

How do you tell if someone was settling?

Measure them on a regular basis. If the person is a little shorter each time he or she is settling.

That's what they do with the Tower of Pisa, anyway.

[HappyRain]

I consider anyone who stays in an unfulfilling or abusive relationship settling. Because if they aren't getting anything out of the relationship, and there's more heart ache than good times, what's keeping them there-other than being scared they'll be alone, or won't find better.

But, unless you know the ins and outs of someone's entire relationship, you can never say if they settled because you don't know what goes on in their house-unless you live with them.

[Katnan]

Originally Posted by VanillaChocolate

unless you know the ins and outs of someone's entire relationship, you can never say if they settled because you don't know what goes on in their house-unless you live with them.

^^^This. You can't tell from external appearances if someone has settled. I know after my first marriage ended, a few people thought I had settled, and tolerated much more than I should have, but that was based on knowing us personally, and some of the dynamics of our relationship, not from passing us on the street as strangers.

[DennyCrane]

Originally Posted by Liberty2011

^^^This. You can't tell from external appearances if someone has settled. I know after my first marriage ended, a few people thought I had settled, and tolerated much more than I should have, but that was based on knowing us personally, and some of the dynamics of our relationship, not from passing us on the street as strangers.

I was just responding to another thread by the OP and explaining that we all evaluate people differently. When I was in my 20s, I was dating a single mom. At least one of my friends said "don't settle for her when you can do so much better." But better according to whose standards? His? That's what's going on when we accuse someone else of settling. We're applying our own standards to THEIR choices. But maybe their standards are different. I certainly didn't see a single mom as being lesser than a childless woman. But my friend did, hence the reason he accused me of settling.

[cpg35223]

Originally Posted by techcrium

How do you tell if someone was settling in a relationship?

That's easy. I've found that the more someone talks about the other person in glowing terms, the more it's for their own consumption as opposed to that of others. They're trying to convince themselves.

I mean, hell, when I found the future MrsCPG, I never devoted three minutes discussing her magnificence. I didn't need to.

[Auraliea]

You can't. I try not to pay attention to anyone else's relationships anymore. I used to think a lot of people was settling when I was younger, but like someone else said maybe they don't see it that. Unless you already know the entire details of their relationship you can't really come to any real conclusions. Let alone accurate ones.

[Sydney123]

Did you get picked last? You know like when you were a kid and and the other team had to settle for you because you were " always" last pick, because you sucked and nobody wanted you?
Wait.. Sorry I was having a flashback. What was the question again?

[Frihed89]

Originally Posted by techcrium

How do you tell if someone was settling in a relationship?

Simple: everyone settles. No two people are ever a perfect match in each other's eyes. It's a just matter of how much you give up for what you get in return.