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Wow, it's been more than a year since I last posted on this forum! I've gotten some solid relationship advice here, in the past. Now, after a year of being happily single, I'm once again in a dating quandary. Sorry in advance for the lengthy post; I know I can be verbose. But here it goes...
About 10-12 years ago, while I was in college, I ran into myhigh school crush at a bar one night, while home for the summer. We started dating, and quickly fell in love(our first, for both of us), so we decided to try an LDR while I finished school. (My hometown is in Wisconsin, butI was going to college in Chicago, IL ).
We stayed together for 3 years, and I moved home for awhileafter graduation to be with him. But ultimately, our lives were going indifferent directions. I couldn’t find ajob in my field in our smallish hometown, and I missed living in Chicago. He already had a good job, and was saving tobuy a house, so he wanted to stay put. Eventually, we broke up, and I moved back to Chicago permanently. It was tough at the time, but we remained onfriendly and respectful terms, and both moved on with our separate lives.
We’ve been friends on FB for about 7-8 years, but haven’thad much contact (other than “liking” posts or the occasionally, “Hey, how’s life treating you?” message) until recently. I’d been in a LTR, and until recently so he was, so we respectfully kept our distance. A couple months ago, I noticed that he’d changed his FB profile picture… and he looked really good. He’s athletic and into fitness, and takes great care of himself. So, just to be friendly, I made a commentthat he was “like wine and cheese, getting better with age." The next day, he messaged me, and we startedup a fun, somewhat flirtatious conversation for about 10-15 minutes. Turns out, he’s single again, as am I.
We exchanged phone numbers, and he called me later in the week. We ended up talking on the phone for 2+hours. Once we got to talking, it waslike 10 minutes had passed since we last saw one another, rather than 10years. We still have so manycommonalities, and he can still make me laugh until my stomach hurts. It was wonderful to reconnect, and I washappy to have him back in my life, even as just a friend.
The middle of the following week, he sent me a text messageasking me what I was doing that weekend. I made a joke about doing my laundry and cleaning my bathroom, then he asked me (seriously) how I would feel if he came down to Chicago that weekendto visit me. Of course, I was thrilled, and told him I’d love to see him, so we talked on the phone again that night, and made plans for his visit that weekend.
He came down, and we had a wonderful time together. I took him around Chicago, and he seemed to truly enjoy it, but I could tell he’s not a “city boy,” and was somewhat overwhelmed by the size and pace of the city. Just the same, it was a great weekend. Things did get romantic between us, but we didn’t discuss “getting back together.”
We kept in touch after that, talking on the phone, plus anoccasional text message. (He let me know he doesn’t care much for texting because he thinks it’s impersonal, and he’s a lousy typist.) The following month, I decided to go up to Wisconsin for the weekend. Mainly because my mom got a new apartment, and I was going to help hermove, but of course I contacted him to let him know I’d be there. We made plans to get together on the Saturday evening I was in town.
That weekend, I met him at his house. (He’d bought a home shortly after we broke up 10 years ago, and I’d never seen it.) Then, he surprised me by taking me out for a romantic dinner at an upscale sushi restaurant. We spent the evening walking around my hometown’s downtown area, holding hands and kissing,and went to the bar where we met 12 years ago, to have a drink and finish the night. Once again, we had an amazing time.
I headed back to Chicago the next day, but let him know I’d be back for Thanksgiving, so we could see each other again. He seemed enthusiastic about it at the time,however since then, he seems to have “pulled away” from me, somewhat. We’ve only talked on the phone once, and hada couple of short text-message conversations. He admitted he’s been having some emotional/depression issues due to the change in season. I’ve been working 50+ hours a week, and haven’t been feeling too great myself, so I kind of let it go, at first.
He told me he was taking the week of Thanksgiving off work. However, I found out that my Mom is required to work on Thanksgiving Day and the day afterwards, so I was debating whether to stay in Chicago and do Thanksgiving with friends instead. I told him I’d let him know for sure ASAP. I decided to spend Thanksgiving Day with my best friend’s family, then drive to Wisconsin the next afternoon and spend the weekend at home. I booked my rental car, and texted him my plans. I said “Let me know if you’re free Saturday night!” But I never got a response from him…
Now, I’m feeling weird about the whole situation. I’d been contemplating discussing the possibility of another long-distance relationship with him, with the understanding that it may mean I’d leave Chicago and move home, if it works out. However, I haven’t actually talked to him in 10 days, since the last time we spoke on the phone. Yesterday, I posted an article on FB about healthy eating and meal-prepping, and he commented on it, but that’s been his only “contact” with me.
It bothers me that he’s suddenly pulling away, and now I’m wondering if I should just let things go. I’ve been thinking a LOT about my newfound involvement with him, and how it would impact my life. I don’t want to believe that he’d have been so romantic and enthusiastic about me – or even want to reconnect at all – if I meant nothing to him. Having known him since we were teenagers, I know he’s NOT a douchebag or player at all, so Ir eally don’t understand his sudden distance and lack of response toward me.
With Thanksgiving coming up this weekend, I’m worried about what to do. ]I already let him know when I’d be in town, and didn’t get a response from him. Should I contact him again, or just let it go? I have strong feelings for this guy,but the long-distance situation complicates things, and I’m not sure what’s going on in his head when it comes to me. Any advice is appreciated... Thanks in advance!
Last edited by oakparkV; 11-23-2015 at 11:46 AM..
Reason: weird formatting
In my humble opinion, there is really no such thing as Long Distance Relationship. You can pretend that what you have is unique, but many people before learned it the hard way that the distance makes commitment impossible, unless its brief.
Long distance is so difficult. Unless you plan to move back home for yourself, it's a tough call. You said you couldn't find a job in your hometown - how would you handle that? Would you even be happy there seeing as you said you missed Chicago at one point?
There's more to it than this guy being into you. I feel for you. I was in a similar position a few years back. No fun.
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