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This is what I was wondering. Did she really just grow complacent or is there something more going on that the OP isn't seeing?
Telling someone [snip] you don't find them "hot" anymore (looks are going to fade naturally over time as it is) does come across as superficial no matter who says it. Telling a partner you are concerned about them and suggesting things like cooking healthy meals together, not going out to eat so much or going for walks or whatnot to exercise together to help them remain healthy is a loving thing to do.
Well, if she is not attractive to him anymore, should he fake it? She just doesn't give a crap on how she looks and he just HAS to find her attractive even though she looks nothing like the person he met?
I agree on the "more going on" issue with you. There might be some bigger problem she is dealing with.
OP, just to clarify, and to give you the benefit of the doubt [mod cut: orphaned], could you give us more information? You're saying she changed the way she dresses after she moved in with you? Did her diet or exercise regime (if any) also change? Are you saying you feel like a bait-and-switch has been pulled on you? I wonder what she could have done that would have caused her appearance to change so radically in what I gather is a fairly short period of time, going from looking good to "waddling"? That seems like an extreme change.
And others have raised a good question, too: did something happen to cause her to get depressed? Is there more to the story that could help us evaluate it?
If she just doesn't care and walks around without her hair done, in sloppy clothes, etc. that's an even bigger issue. Have you discussed this with her? Maybe depression?
Usually men are the ones who let themselves go when they get comfy in a relationship, so this surprises me.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 11-12-2015 at 02:03 PM..
Reason: Orphaned: reply to comments which have been deleted.
Well, if she is not attractive to him anymore, should he fake it? She just doesn't give a crap on how she looks and he just HAS to find her attractive even though she looks nothing like the person he met?
I agree on the "more going on" issue with you. There might be some bigger problem she is dealing with.
No, he shouldn't fake it. But instead of asking a bunch of internet strangers if he should just bail on her, perhaps he should first try to get to the bottom of why she let herself go. He didn't say why she isn't keeping herself up, just that she isn't. If it is laziness, then yes, there is a compatibility issue and it isn't going to work. If it is more than that, she may need professional help to get back where she was.
Is he really keeping himself up for the relationship or is he doing it because he's mentally had one foot out the door for awhile now and wants to look good for other women and she's picking up on that. Maybe they moved in together and she's not as happy in the relationship as she thought she was. Maybe she moved in hoping it would solve some other issue she/they were having. All the OP has said is she used to be hot and now she's an embarrassment to be seen with. So what changed? This kind of change in a person typically does not happen overnight.
Sure I want her to change. I want her to change back to how she was, and I want her to change for the better. I've made an effort to maintain my personal standards of appearance and so should she. there's nothing unreasonable about that. If I let myself go she'd probably have something to say about that sooner or later. [snip]
How old is she? Has she switched birth control or is she on an SSRI?
If it's that big of an issue and you're no longer attracted to her then end the relationship and find someone who adheres to your lifestyle philosophy.
When I met my girlfriend I thought she was the prettiest girl I ever met. She's still cute but she's let herself go appearance wise. It started after she moved in with me, and I feel like she's become complacent. I want her get back to how she looked before, start wearing nice clothes like she used to, and generally make more of an effort. I still dress as sharply as I did when I met her, I work out, eat proper food, and take care of my appearance, and I see no reason why she can't look after herself. When we walk down the street together it's embarrassing. I used to feel like I was the lucky one, now we just look like such a mismatch, with me dressed nicely and looking good while she's waddling along next to me looking out of shape and it's depressing. I know she can do much better. I've tried to motivate her, offered to help her choose better food to eat, pick out clothes, whatever, but she's mostly very unresponsive. She's really letting herself go and I can't picture myself with her for much longer if she doesn't pull her socks up and make an effort, for me and for herself. The lack of self respect is as much of a turn off as anything else.
So over what time period did this all happen?
Mod cut.
She either isn't happy with you or living with you.
Mod cut.
Or something happened unrelated to you that made her depressed.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 11-12-2015 at 02:07 PM..
Reason: Orphaned: reply to comments which have been deleted.
We need to stop looking for excuses and first worry about if she is putting in that werk. Let’s stop writing excuse prescriptions and start motivating. If she can't put in that work, nobody else will and shouldn't find a ghost mental disorder..
OP, do you like her? As a person? And is there a reason why you're not responding to requests for more background info on the situation?
I was going to ask this as well. Several replies asking what she was like before, what has changed since moving in together, could she be depressed, etc...
Sure I want her to change. I want her to change back to how she was, and I want her to change for the better. I've made an effort to maintain my personal standards of appearance and so should she. there's nothing unreasonable about that. If I let myself go she'd probably have something to say about that sooner or later. [snip]
[snip] I'd say the same thing to a woman saying she's no longer attracted to her bf. He's not your husband, cut ties before both of you waste time being with someone you aren't happy with. Some other guy will like her body. Yoh can find a woman who is more attractive to you. Why are you choosing to prolong the inevitable?
Last edited by PJSaturn; 11-12-2015 at 02:15 PM..
Reason: Orphaned.
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