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Yeah, I've had a couple of incidents where people side-eyed me over it, but not anyone that matters. I didn't ask to be born into the situation I was, but getting out and never looking back was 100% in my control; I don't regret it one bit because it was all about self-preservation, and a shot at a normal life. If someone chooses to look down on me for not being from a "good family", that's on them. I'm not suffering one bit, because I surrounded myself with a small number of trusted people, and took advantage of opportunities to make something of myself.
The only wrinkle in all of this is my kids are getting older and asking why they don't know anything about my side of the family. I've been estranged from them for nearly 20 years, and I'd rather just forget they ever existed.
That's why I think it's something a serious partner would want to know about, and could affect how they feel about the relationship in the long term.
On a lighter note, it does sound like you raised a family successfully regardless of your family background, which is reassuring.
One does not have to be defined by one's past or one's family history. Whether a person would run from you because of it depends on who you are now. Did you really learn from the family history and work to function in a different way or are you likely to fall into those old ways (or even new ways of avoidance)? That is what would matter.
For me, it's always been the person first and family much later. While I think coming from a good family is important, it would only be a red flag if I sensed problems with the person I was dating.
Well, if I didn't run away, I wouldn't have learned about social skills, how to act in a relationship, and how to avoid holding lifelong grudges. Because I didn't learn it from my parents or extended family. That's how I'd try to explain it, if the person I dated expressed doubts about my background.
This is what I would be looking for. It's like Oprah always says: Everyone has a family dysfunction. The question is, what are you going to DO about it?
If I see that you are functional on your own, (have fairly normal life skills) and act like you're capable of an emotional attachment, I'd give you a shot.
Believe me, it doesn't take many dates for evidence to creep in, no matter how hard you try to hide it. So I would say your best bet is to be your self and hope to find someone who has their own stuff fairly well together.
If the person I'm seeing casually asks about my family, and it leads to what kind of relationship I have with them... where I plan to spend the holidays, etc. If I don't have anything positive to say, what could it mean to that person? Saying that I have no relationship with my family isn't a casual declaration, like saying "I prefer Android phones" or "I can't drive manual shift."
You can't drive manual shift? Now that would be an issue.
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