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I suspect that the extended families of the person whose spouse does not show up laughs about them behind their back, just like I do.
Who cares?
If you don't care about someone, you sure as hell don't give two craps if they're laughing about you.
If anything, it proves that your decision to not hang out with them was the right one.
Honestly, if he were that uncomfortable with going, I'd probably skip out too, and we'd do our own thing. Hasn't really been an issue though; while his parents can be a pill, the rest of his extended family is awesome.
Especially air travel, they always have some news guy at the airports here showing all of the lines of people dealing with holiday air travel.
Double screw that mess... LOL....
We usually celebrate Christmas on Christmas eve, again, Mrs. Chow's mother sort of drives it and we all gather at her house, luckily for us it's only 15 mins away, but several family members have to commute in, probably about a 2 hour drive, that's why we usually separate T day and alternate, this yr being our turn to drive out to their area. Which is fair, but again, just a pain.
Then we try and see my dad on actual Christmas day, and he lives out of state about a 5 hour drive, so, having a few glasses of wine the night before and staying up late we have to face a 5 hour drive the next morning.
I'm seriously thinking about either going up a day or two ahead or a day or so after Christmas, this commuting on Christmas day bit is getting old, big time.
I like the idea of celebrating the weekend before Christmas, doing the traveling then. Stay home for the day and enjoy yourself!
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Sometimes it's really cool that I have to work pretty much every holiday at my job. So I get to have the holidays at home.
I hate traveling during busy airport times or traffic times. I hate putting up with accommodations that are less comfortable than my own home. And frankly, the food and company are far better here than anywhere else. That being said, any of our extended family are welcome to come here instead.
My parents live two streets over from me and my mother makes a hell of a Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve dinner. We bring sides and booze. And we make Xmas morning brunch. And if I'm working on the exact day or time that these meals usually occur, we just push the meal to another day. Hard to do if you're traveling.
That is a very good setup, really. I think that people who did the big family gathering were historically people who lived closer to one another. I seriously doubt that, prior to the invention of the automobile and its widespread ownership, that people traveled more than an hour to visit ANYONE. Especially in winter. I mean, you could take a train back then, but who really did that just for a holiday weekend? Or just one day? It was usually for a month or so at a time and visits like that were with accommodations that would be suitable for extended stay.
I dunno... I just like hanging out close to home and skipping all the hassle.
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I think it is the spouses obligation that they attend family events if their husband or wife wants them to.
I and the rest of the extended family told my sister in no uncertain way that her husband must attend next time. She was more upset with him than our forward and aggressive demands.
So she lead you to believe.
Hahahahaha! You are all demanding that this man show up? For what reason? Why is it necessary that he be there?
Good grief, it must be hell to hang out at your family gatherings for you to have to put out ultimatums or suggest your sister divorce over something so petty.
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Occasionally, neither of us really, really want to do the family holiday ordeal, but we do. You know, the holidays are not about YOU. It's about putting your best foot forward and trying to spend a little quality time with friends and family. Some of them care.
My husband bows out of plenty of social obligations, but if it's important to me, he does his part. I do the same.
That last part, yes. Absolutely.
That said, my husband and I never demand that the other spend time with people they don't want to be around.
I love him and he loves me. It would be unkind to make such demands. Naturally, if I was scared or overwhelmed by something, he'd come to support me.
That said, holidays are about togetherness and shared experiences. Whether that means extended family or not is up for grabs.
I don't think it means you have to go to family events with people you cannot stand.
Why do that? I'd rather go volunteer my time handing out toys to needy kids or something.
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That is a very good setup, really. I think that people who did the big family gathering were historically people who lived closer to one another. I seriously doubt that, prior to the invention of the automobile and its widespread ownership, that people traveled more than an hour to visit ANYONE. Especially in winter. I mean, you could take a train back then, but who really did that just for a holiday weekend?
LOL, we take the train now. Easy, stress-free, and handily beats making an ordinarily very pretty 8-hour drive in potentially dangerous winter weather.
LOL, we take the train now. Easy, stress-free, and handily beats making an ordinarily very pretty 8-hour drive in potentially dangerous winter weather.
I think the train is super handy if you live in an area with good train service. Way less stress than flights over the holidays. I took the train to Philly one year right after Christmas to spend the rest of that week and New Year's there. It was great.
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Work or family - I would never, and have never in 34 years asked her to go to any holiday party if she didn't want to. And I was treated the same by her.
For us, a major part of that is she is Protestant and myself Jewish, thus, right out of the gate we had HUGE holiday differences. We married Unitarian and never brought our children up with any religion.
Thanksgiving is different. We had it in our house for several decades and we invited both sides of the family. We gave that responsibility to our son a couple of years ago, and now it's broken up. But the other major get together holidays have religious ties - Christmas, Hanukkah, Easter, Passover. Those my wife and I split up early in our marriage. She felt uncomfortable at Seder, and I honored that and stuck with her and disappointed my parents, because I was 2nd child and both of us married outside the Jewish faith, and that ended Seders. I've suffered through many Easter's and Christmas's for my wife (and kids to a point), as I really don't enjoy or believe in them but it's important to my wife so I acquiesce, and she has always appreciated that I do so. Hanukkah disappeared because I didn't keep up with it, and the only thing I do is light an electric menorah each year.
We NEVER went to each others work parties, and had no desire to do so.
It's what has worked for us, and has made holidays (which for the most part are based in religion) a non factor in our household.
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