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I'd be annoyed. There are a handful of holiday season items that are non negotiable in my eyes! Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner provided it isn't a hassle to get there (or potentially alternating family locations). And the work holiday party if it is a *thing.*
In a relationship, you want to have a spouse or significant other to bring to these sorts of events. That's one of the benefits of being in a relationships, you don't have to go to events alone. Going to family events alone or events that are mainly couples and being alone is the pits.
I would feel a bit odd attending family functions without my spouse. Its different once in a while but all the time would disturb me. My ex didn't like to do anything with my family and came only under duress. When we did anything with her family it was tightly scripted by her mother, her sister would say 2 words tops in 4 hours. I met her sister once at a food market by ourselves and she talked my ear off, I couldn't believe it was the same person, she was much different when she was away from her dominating mother. Christmas was even weirder because they all picked their presents out and wrapped them anyway even though they knew what they were. They only ones who were surprised were me and the dog. We got into a huge fight once about attending my nephews wedding and she said she didn't want to go. I said fine and went myself, which she never forgave me for. I personally think when your spouse can't drag themselves to a family function even for the sake of appearance there is something wrong underlying.
If we were in a geographical situation where this was even an issue, yup, he'd be going to holiday get togethers with family. Thankfully (for many reasons) this isn't an issue. In terms of work functions, it's definitely on a case-by-case basis.
It's the Holiday Season again with Thanksgiving and Christmas family get togethers only a month or so apart. Does any city data folks attend the event all by themselves because your spouse does not want to attend? (He/she just sits at home and does their own thing while you participate in Thanksgiving and Christmas events with the extended family.)
Would this be a marriage deal breaker for you? Would you be embarrassed and angry? Would you come up with excuses for your wife or husband and try to explain away why they are not there?
The reason I ask this is my sister's husband has not attended either the Thanksgiving or Christmas events for three years now. The first year she claimed he was sick. The second year she said that he was with his family. (Even though I was told my her kids that was not true.) and last year they said he was painfully shy at family events. I looked him up on Linkedin and he is a senior executive for a Fortune 500 Company- hardly the type of role where shyness would be common.)
So.. if your spouse did this for three years, would you divorce them?
The sister's husband probably cannot stand your family.
Maybe time to look in the mirror and try to figure out why that might be the case.
Work or family - I would never, and have never in 34 years asked her to go to any holiday party if she didn't want to. And I was treated the same by her.
For us, a major part of that is she is Protestant and myself Jewish, thus, right out of the gate we had HUGE holiday differences. We married Unitarian and never brought our children up with any religion.
Thanksgiving is different. We had it in our house for several decades and we invited both sides of the family. We gave that responsibility to our son a couple of years ago, and now it's broken up. But the other major get together holidays have religious ties - Christmas, Hanukkah, Easter, Passover. Those my wife and I split up early in our marriage. She felt uncomfortable at Seder, and I honored that and stuck with her and disappointed my parents, because I was 2nd child and both of us married outside the Jewish faith, and that ended Seders. I've suffered through many Easter's and Christmas's for my wife (and kids to a point), as I really don't enjoy or believe in them but it's important to my wife so I acquiesce, and she has always appreciated that I do so. Hanukkah disappeared because I didn't keep up with it, and the only thing I do is light an electric menorah each year.
We NEVER went to each others work parties, and had no desire to do so.
It's what has worked for us, and has made holidays (which for the most part are based in religion) a non factor in our household.
Man, I LOVE the chance to experience other cultures' traditions!
I suspect that the extended families of the person whose spouse does not show up laughs about them behind their back, just like I do.
People in glass houses?
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